Stop Deciding "No" for Other People
How letting go of self-doubt opens doors you never knew existed.
Stop Deciding "No" for Other People
By Teri L. Busse
I almost didn't submit the book.
I almost didn't submit the screenplay.
I almost didn't pitch the podcast.
And, in a bit of irony considering where you're reading this, I almost didn't submit myself for consideration for Influential Women.
Because who am I?
That question has followed me into more rooms than I care to admit.
- Who am I to call myself an author?
- Who am I to write a screenplay without a film degree?
- Who am I to start a podcast without a broadcasting background?
- Who am I to call myself an influential woman?
The funny thing is, no one had told me I wasn't.
I was deciding no for them.
I had created entire conversations in my head where the answer was already determined. They wouldn't be interested. I wasn't experienced enough. Someone else was more qualified. My story wasn't the right fit.
We are remarkably good at protecting ourselves from hearing the word no. We call it being realistic. We call it knowing our place. We call it avoiding embarrassment.
But sometimes, we're simply refusing to give someone else the opportunity to say yes.
I Started Casting My Net Wide
Over the past year, I started doing something different.
I started casting my net wide.
I contacted bookstores. I submitted my writing for awards. I pitched media outlets. I reached out to people in industries I knew very little about. I submitted a screenplay despite having no traditional film background. I started a podcast despite not knowing the first thing about podcast production.
And yes, I heard no.
More often, I heard nothing at all.
Some opportunities went nowhere. Things I was convinced would work fell completely flat.
But some people said yes.
- A bookstore said yes. Then another one did.
- Media outlets responded.
- An award organization recognized my work.
- People in the film industry read my screenplay.
- Guests trusted me with their stories.
- And Influential Women said yes.
Those opportunities didn't happen because I suddenly became fearless or completely confident.
They happened because I finally asked.
My Job Is Not to Determine Someone Else's Answer Before I Ask the Question
That has become one of the biggest lessons of my life: my job is not to determine someone else's answer before I ask the question.
There is freedom in understanding that rejection is not always a judgment of your worth. Sometimes the timing is wrong. Sometimes the fit is wrong. Sometimes the budget is gone. Sometimes the person reading your email is having a terrible Tuesday and never opens it.
And sometimes, yes, you're simply not what they're looking for.
You survive that.
What is harder to measure are the opportunities we lose because we never gave them the chance to exist.
Confidence Came From Surviving the Asking
I am 52 years old. I became an author after spending most of my professional life in emergency services. I wrote my first screenplay without a film degree. I launched a podcast without a broadcasting background. I entered spaces where I had no established name and very few traditional credentials.
If I had waited until I felt completely qualified, I would still be waiting.
Confidence did not come before I started doing these things.
Confidence came from surviving the asking.
Every unanswered email made the next one easier to send. Every rejection proved I could hear no and continue moving. Every unexpected yes reminded me how unreliable my own assumptions had been.
So now, I cast the net wide.
Not recklessly. Not without preparation. And not because I believe I deserve every opportunity I ask for.
I simply refuse to do someone else's rejecting for them.
- Send the email.
- Submit the application.
- Ask the bookstore.
- Pitch the story.
- Enter the competition.
- Raise your hand.
You don't need to know the answer before you ask the question.
Cast the net.
