The Power in Addressing Our Clutter
Unmasking the Emotional Truth Behind Physical and Mental Clutter
“I’m good,” my client responded when I asked, “How have you been feeling over the past week?”
Not having received a clear answer, I probed.
“Can you further define ‘good’ for me?” I asked.
“Nothing is going wrong right now,” he started slowly. “I’m feeling fine… good. Things are good.”
Again, I probed.
“So, you’re telling me how things are, and what you’ve said about how you feel is that the feeling is ‘fine.’ What is it that you’re actually expressing?”
My client sat quietly for a while.
“I guess I’m not really saying anything about how I’m feeling because I’m not sure,” he finally responded.
Again, a pause.
He continued, “I’m just now realizing that I don’t spend much time being conscious of my feelings unless I’m reacting to highs or lows. When things aren’t going really well or really poorly, I don’t pay much attention to my emotions.”
We both sat silently, letting that insight sink in.
Finally, I asked, “So how are you feeling about not knowing how you feel?”
After a moment, he replied, “Kind of weird. Like I’m at a standstill… stuck.”
“Have you noticed anything in your life over the past week that feels stuck or at a standstill?” I asked.
“Well, now that you mention it, yes,” he said. “My wife brought up again on Monday that I need to decide what to do with my mother’s things that we’ve been storing since she passed. They’re in an extra room that my wife wants to turn into a guest room. I’ve been avoiding it.”
“Is it emotionally triggering for you to think about getting rid of your mother’s things?” I asked.
He choked up. “Yes. I don’t want to think about it.”
“Or feel it,” I added gently.
“Or feel it,” he repeated quietly.
Any way we look at it, excusing feelings—whether by pushing them aside to avoid experiencing them or by not taking the time to explore what lies beneath the emotions we do allow—keeps us stuck.
I’ve had many conversations about the emotional component of clutter with my friend and organizing expert, Barbara Hemphill.
She once shared a client story that illustrated the direct connection between physical clutter and emotional clutter, and how we often mislabel “excuses” as the true barrier to action.
Barbara explained that research shows we are 76% more likely to complete a project when we have an accountability partner. Because of this, she hands out index cards—one of her favorite productivity tools—during workshops and asks participants to write down one specific action they plan to take as a result of her presentation.
In one case, Barbara followed up with an attendee to ask whether they were satisfied with their progress. She received this response:
“Unfortunately, I have not tackled my garage, which was the action I chose. I’ve been going through papers in my bedroom and throwing them out. I need to get over the feeling of not wanting to be in my garage. Honestly, I just need to stop making excuses.”
Barbara shared that her immediate reaction was sadness.
She said:
“What I’ve learned over more than five decades of helping people eliminate clutter is that the biggest stumbling block is rarely excuses. More often, it’s two things: a lack of education about how to make decisions, and the presence of emotions that block people from making those decisions.”
At the end of the day, if we stop excusing ourselves from examining the real issues that keep us stuck—emotionally, physically, mentally, and even spiritually—we begin to see that this isn’t about willpower. It’s about empowerment.
That empowerment starts with taking the time to truly see, hear, understand, support, and love ourselves—where we are and as we are.
When we blame “excuses,” we mistake symptoms for causes. We can end up spending more time criticizing ourselves for procrastination than compassionately uncovering what’s truly standing in our way.
As we move further into the new year, many of us begin thinking about change—planning, goal-setting, and resolutions. All of that has value. But I invite you to begin with a different question:
What do I need to attend to, release, rectify, or reconcile first?
What in your life right now needs attention and is creating clutter?
Is it physical stuff?
Unspoken words?
Unprocessed emotions?
Unanswered questions?
Certain relationships?
Trying to smooth these things over—or covering them with shiny new goals, plans, or possessions—is not the answer.
Look at what’s in your life and ask whether it truly “sparks joy,” as Marie Kondo suggests. Or, as Barbara says, ask:
“Does this help me accomplish my work or enjoy my life?”
If not, it’s clutter—and clutter is simply postponed decisions.
What’s the point of creating new resolutions for the future if the present is already full of unresolved ones?
Personally, I have one guiding intention this year: to become clutter-free. I don’t know how close I’ll come by year’s end—and that’s not the point. What matters is my commitment to take incremental steps each day.
I believe that by doing so, I move closer to the vitality, joy, freedom, and sense of flow I seek. That belief is a powerful driver for me.
So I ask you:
What’s your driver—and how is clutter slowing it down?
