Adrienne Darrah

I always want more. That drive has gotten me to where I am and continues pushing me forward, though I'll admit it's a double-edged sword. Sometimes I don't view it as entirely positive because my fear is that on my deathbed, I'm going to look back and think I missed out on so much because I was so driven to do so much that I missed important things. A perfect example is when I was working on my doctorate and my son was between four and eight years old. My husband would take him to all the birthday parties and playdates, and at one party, one of his friend's little brothers asked him, 'Do you have a mom?' When they came home and told me this story, thinking it was funny, I literally burst out in tears because I realized I was missing out on so much. My husband said eventually it would be over, but I was missing those crucial years from four to eight. So yes, my drive and my need to have more has gotten me to where I am, but at the same time, I do have fears that it's keeping me from recognizing the things that I have. It's that constant push for the next degree, the next achievement, the next milestone. Once I finished my MBA, I immediately thought about doing another degree because it felt like I blinked and missed it. That hunger for more education and more accomplishment is both my greatest strength and something I worry about.

The best career advice I ever received came from my professor when I was working on my doctorate. I was in my early to mid-40s, sitting in this heavy theory class with all these kids in their early 20s who were speaking at such a high academic level, using all this academic language. I felt so out of place that I was going to drop the course. My professor called me in, and after I explained how intimidated I felt, she looked at me and said, 'You know what? Don't drop the class, because they're just putting on airs. That's something you need to keep in mind when you move into this field, is that people will put on airs. They're not smarter than you. They're just as smart as you are, or you're just as smart as they are. They are just trying very, very hard, and you are not. And you need to stay the way that you are.' I take that with me anytime I'm at a conference or trying to join a new committee, because you do have these academics who speak in a certain way that's very inaccessible. When Republicans complain about higher education, that's what they're complaining about, because it's not accessible, and we don't make it accessible. I tend to write at a tenth-grade level because my language tends to be accessible, and I've had journals come back saying it's not written at a high enough level. But I had another journal publish it exactly as I wrote it. So that advice, don't try to be something that you're not, just continue to be who you are and don't worry about everybody else, that was the best career advice I received.

Don't let the imposter syndrome get to you. Everybody, even the most seasoned professional, continues to feel it, so you're not alone. I still stand in front of the classroom sometimes and think, why are they letting me do this? That feeling never goes away, even after earning multiple degrees and years of experience. You have to understand that those feelings of inadequacy are normal and universal. The key is not letting them stop you from moving forward or being who you are.

The biggest challenge in my field right now is being a woman in a world that isn't entirely friendly to women. Since 2016, it's been particularly hard, though that wasn't our introduction to what misogyny and inequality look like. I don't want to get on a high horse about it, and I tell my husband I'm not a feminist, but at the same time, I do not think it's fair that I get paid less than my male peers. Growing up, my father told me I could do and be whatever I wanted to be, and I wasn't taught that I was less than because I was a girl. In college, they tell you that regardless of who you are, regardless of your gender, color, nationality, religion, or sexuality, you can go out, negotiate, get that job, and move up. But then you get into the real world and realize that for those of us who don't have a certain anatomy, it's a little bit harder, a little bit more difficult. Figuring out how to maneuver a world that's not entirely friendly to women has been the biggest learning experience. It trumps all of my education. I really grew up thinking I could be whatever I wanted to be, but unfortunately, that's not the reality. Even in fundraising, there's what one fundraiser called the 'development look,' where women who get hired tend to be petite, blonde, thin, dress to the nines, and put full faces of makeup on, like a Miss America pageant. It doesn't matter what the men look like, they come in every shape and size, but the women have to fit this ideal if they're going to be out in front of people asking for money. COVID also set women back because men dumped everything on them at home, so women weren't able to keep their jobs or return to the workforce. And now they've taken the right to abortion away from us, and they're talking about the right to vote with the SAVE Act. Being a woman has been my biggest learning experience and continues to be the biggest challenge in my field.

Honesty is number one for me. My mother's family is filled with liars and cheats and just a bunch of really, really bad people, and growing up seeing these people lie put such an impact on me that I will not lie. I do not lie. When my son was young, I told him I would never lie to him, and if he ever had a question, he could come to me and ask. I promised that if I thought something was too big for him to understand, I would tell him, but I would answer whatever he asked me. When he turned eight, we told him the truth about Santa Claus and about sex. After we told him about Santa, he looked me in the eye and asked about the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, and I told him the truth about those too. Then he said to me, 'You told me you would never lie to me,' and that just killed me. I told him that would be the only thing, and I promised I would never lie to him otherwise. Honesty is really, really important to me, just because of the environment I grew up in with my extended family. I need that foundation of truth in both my personal and professional life.