Alisa Sample Alexander

People Are People. People Are Not Problems.

What Every Leader Needs to Understand About Building Teams

One of the most important leadership lessons I have learned over the years is surprisingly simple:

People are people. People are not problems.

Yet many leaders unintentionally spend their careers trying to fix people rather than understand them.

• A team member misses a deadline.
• A volunteer fails to follow through.
• An employee resists a new process.
• An entrepreneur struggles to take action.

Too often, our first reaction is to ask, “What’s wrong with them?”

A better question might be, “What motivates them?”

As a leadership educator, entrepreneur, corporate leader, and ministry leader, I’ve spent years working with people from different backgrounds, industries, generations, and experiences. One thing has become abundantly clear: people are not motivated by the same things.

• What inspires one person may frustrate another.
• What energizes one person may exhaust someone else.
• What feels supportive to one person may feel restrictive to another.

The challenge of leadership is not getting everyone to think like us. The challenge is learning to lead people who don’t.

Research consistently shows that organizations perform better when they embrace diverse perspectives. According to studies from McKinsey, companies with diverse leadership teams are more likely to outperform their peers financially. Gallup research has also found that employees who feel understood, valued, and connected to their work are significantly more engaged and productive.

The question is not whether people are different. The question is whether we know how to lead those differences effectively.

One framework that has helped me understand this better comes from Gretchen Rubin’s concept of the Four Tendencies. Rubin suggests that people generally respond to expectations in one of four ways: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels.

Understanding these tendencies has helped me become a better leader because it reminds me that the same message can land very differently depending on who is receiving it.

Upholders

Approximately 17 percent of people are Upholders.

These are individuals who tend to meet both external expectations and personal expectations. Give them a goal, a deadline, and a plan, and they are often off and running.

They appreciate structure, accountability, and clarity. They are frequently the dependable members of a team who can be counted on to follow through.

Questioners

Approximately 27 percent of people are Questioners.

Questioners want to understand the reason behind a request. They are thoughtful, analytical, and curious.

They are not being difficult when they ask questions; they are trying to determine whether something makes sense.

When leaders take the time to explain the “why,” Questioners often become some of the strongest advocates for a mission or initiative.

Obligers

At approximately 41 percent of the population, Obligers represent the largest group.

Obligers tend to meet external expectations more easily than internal ones. They are motivated by accountability, relationships, and commitments to others.

These are often the people who hold teams together. They care deeply about people and culture. They frequently become the encouragers, supporters, and relationship builders within an organization.

Rebels

Approximately 17 percent of people are Rebels.

Rebels value freedom, independence, and authenticity. They want to make their own choices and chart their own path.

While traditional systems may not always appeal to them, Rebels often bring innovation, creativity, and fresh thinking that organizations desperately need.

The mistake many leaders make is assuming everyone should respond the way they do.

• An Upholder may wonder why others need reminders.
• A Questioner may wonder why people do not ask more questions.
• An Obliger may struggle to understand someone who appears highly independent.
• A Rebel may resist systems that others find helpful.

But these differences are not weaknesses. They are strengths.

In fact, some of the strongest teams I have ever led included people from all four groups.

• The organizers
• The analysts
• The encouragers
• The innovators

Each brought something valuable to the table.

Strong teams are not built by surrounding ourselves with people who think like we do. They are built by recognizing that different people bring different strengths, perspectives, and motivations—and by learning how to lead each of them effectively.

Over the years, I have found that effective leadership can be summarized through a simple acronym: THRIVE.

Trust

Build credibility through integrity, consistency, and transparency.

Harness

Harness the unique strengths and talents each person brings to the team.

Resilience

Develop the ability to adapt, recover, and grow through challenges.

Innovate

Create space for new ideas, fresh thinking, and different approaches.

Value

Value people for who they are rather than who you expect them to be.

Evaluate

Regularly evaluate your leadership, your systems, and your team culture.

When leaders embrace these principles, something powerful happens.

• People feel seen.
• People feel valued.
• People feel understood.

And when people feel understood, they are more likely to contribute their best ideas, their best effort, and their best work.

The next time someone on your team responds differently than you expected, pause before assuming there is a problem to solve.

Instead, ask yourself:

• What matters to this person?
• What motivates them?
• What strengths do they bring that I may be overlooking?

Leadership becomes far more effective when we stop trying to change everyone and start trying to understand them.

Because people are people. And people are not problems.