Discover the green flags on a first date that reveal genuine connection through eating habits. Learn what a date's behavior at the table says about their character, patience, and potential for a lasting relationship.
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Influential Woman · Coaching and Dating
Denise Tomasetti
Author and Dating Coach, Dating? Food Talks
New York, NY 12566
3Articles published
Her Story
About Denise
Denise Tomasetti is an author, dating coach, content creator, and entrepreneur who has transformed decades of personal dating experiences into a unique framework for helping others build healthier, more intentional relationships. A born-and-raised New Yorker with a successful background in corporate business, Denise is the author of the book *FOOD TALKS: Stop Wasting Time with the Wrong Date – I Love Them, They Left Me, But I Got Their Mother’s Recipes*. Drawing from more than 20 years of navigating the modern dating landscape, she developed the concept that food experiences reveal valuable insights about a person's character, habits, values, and relationship potential long before deeper issues emerge.
Through her book and coaching practice, Denise teaches individuals how to recognize relationship compatibility by paying attention to behaviors displayed during shared food experiences. Her signature approach encourages clients to date with intention by identifying their personal “Tasty List” and “Not Tasty List”—a practical framework for defining the qualities they want in a partner and the behaviors they will no longer tolerate. By observing how people interact in everyday dining situations, she helps clients gain clarity, avoid repeating unhealthy patterns, and make more confident relationship decisions. Her work blends humor, personal storytelling, and actionable guidance designed to help people save time, reduce heartache, and develop stronger self-awareness.
Beyond her book, Denise has expanded the FOOD TALKS brand through coaching, social media content, and entertainment projects, including two reality show concepts currently under industry consideration. She regularly shares dating and relationship advice across YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok, while also offering one-on-one coaching and complimentary discovery sessions. In addition, she has authored audiobook programs focused on dating after divorce for both men and women, helping individuals rebuild confidence and reconnect with themselves after major life transitions. A member of the New York Women in Film & Television, Denise is passionate about inspiring personal growth and helping others experience the breakthrough moments that lead to healthier relationships and more fulfilling lives.
Her Interview
Ten minutes with Denise
01What do you attribute your success to?
I was really blessed to have incredibly loving parents. Even though they divorced, they never spoke negatively about each other. That taught me something so important—that you can move through difficult situations with grace and respect.
If I was ever out of line, they didn't yell at me or make me feel small. Instead, they'd say, "Let's talk about why you acted that way, Denise." They allowed me to explain where I was coming from. I felt heard, and then they would gently guide me toward making better choices. Looking back, that was such a gift.
Both of my parents were very hands-on. Every night at dinner, my dad would say, "Okay, girls, everyone has to bring a current event to the table." He wanted us to know what was happening in the world, to think critically, and to learn how to have meaningful conversations. Those dinners shaped who I became.
I really credit my mindset to growing up in a family that accepted both the good and the bad, but always helped me navigate life's challenges with love and encouragement.
Then, in my twenties, I made a conscious decision to let go of my ego. I saw how often ego got in people's way, and I didn't want it to get in mine. I became comfortable saying, "I'm stuck. I need a little help." To me, asking for guidance wasn't a weakness—it was a strength.
I was intentional about who I sought advice from. I would ask people I genuinely respected, listen carefully to their perspectives, and then take the time to reflect before coming to my own conclusions.
Today, I try to live one day at a time and appreciate life's simple moments. Something as ordinary as waking up in the morning and making myself a really good cup of coffee reminds me how fortunate I am. I find joy in the little things because I've learned that life is incredibly precious. Every day, every conversation, every small moment is something to celebrate and cherish, because life is far too short to take any of it for granted.
02What’s the best career advice you’ve ever received?
One of the greatest pieces of advice my father ever gave me was when I was in my twenties.
He asked me, "How many things do you have to do in a day?"
I said, "Probably about ten."
He smiled and said, "I want you to do six. Leave the other four for tomorrow."
I looked at him and said, "Why would I do that?"
He said, "Because when you only focus on your priorities, you leave room for life to happen."
Then he explained it.
"You'll answer the phone call you normally wouldn't take because you're too busy. You'll say yes to lunch with someone. You'll have time to read a book, take a walk, or notice something you would have otherwise missed. Those unplanned moments are often the ones that teach you the most."
He paused and said, "Trust me."
So I did.
And he was absolutely right.
Every time I stopped after accomplishing what truly mattered, something unexpected happened. I took a phone call that taught me something valuable. I went shopping and stumbled across exactly what I needed. I met someone new. I learned something I never would have if I had packed every minute of my day.
What my father taught me wasn't really about productivity—it was about balance.
He taught me that if you schedule every minute of your life, there's no room for opportunity, spontaneity, or growth. But when you leave a little space, life has a way of bringing you exactly what you need.
I've carried that lesson with me ever since, and it's one of the reasons I continue to grow—not just professionally, but as a person.
03What advice would you give to young women entering your industry?
The first piece of advice I would give anyone is this: don't follow your dream—follow your passion.
There's a big difference.
A dream is often something we admire because we see someone else living it. We think, "That looks amazing. I want that life." But just because it looks appealing doesn't mean it's the life you're meant to live.
Passion is different. Passion comes from within. It's connected to who you are, what energizes you, and what you're naturally drawn to.
So before chasing a dream, take the time to ask yourself: What do I genuinely love? What am I naturally good at? What comes easily to me that brings me joy?
Get to know your gifts.
At the same time, recognize what you're not good at—and that's perfectly okay. None of us are meant to excel at everything. You can ask for help, take a class, or partner with people whose strengths complement yours. Your weaknesses shouldn't stop you from pursuing your purpose.
I truly believe every single person has been given a unique gift.
When you discover that gift and turn it into a passion, something incredible happens. Work no longer feels like work. There are never enough hours in the day because you're excited to keep learning, creating, and growing. You're fueled by purpose instead of obligation.
That's why my first question to anyone is always, "What are you passionate about?"
Once you've identified that, then we can build from there. How do you turn that passion into a career? Into a business? Into a lifestyle that allows you to wake up every morning excited about the day ahead?
To me, that's real success—not simply making a living, but creating a life that fulfills your spirit, serves others, and allows you to become the very best version of yourself.
When your work aligns with your passion, you're not just earning a paycheck—you’re living your purpose.
04What values are most important to you in your work and personal life?
One word- Joy!
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Articles by Denise
Green Flags on a First Date: What Their Eating Habits Reveal About a Real Connection
Discover the positive signs that reveal genuine compatibility and character through dining behavior.
Green Flags on a First Date: What Their Eating Habits Reveal About a Real Connection
Everyone loves to warn you about red flags, but nobody really teaches you to spot the good signs sitting right there at the table. And honestly? Those good signs matter much more.
After twenty years of dating and years of coaching people through relationships, I've learned that the green flags on a first date are usually quiet little things. The way someone orders, shares, or talks to the waiter says more than any smooth line ever will.
Last time, we explored the first-date red flags you shouldn't ignore. Now, let's flip it around and talk about the good stuff. Because once you know what to look for, dating stops feeling like a guessing game.
The Date That Actually Got It Right
Let me tell you about a client I'll call Maria. She came to me worn out, completely convinced she just had terrible taste in men.
Then she met this guy who, on paper, seemed kind of ordinary. But over dinner, the green flags in dating just kept appearing.
He asked what she felt like eating before choosing the restaurant. He looked the server in the eye and said thank you. He never rushed her while she made her decision. He even slid his plate over and told her to try a bite first.
Small things, right?
Except all of them added up.
They're still together six months later, and Maria finally understands what a healthy connection actually feels like.
What a Date's Eating Habits Reveal About Them
Here's the thing about food psychology in dating: eating is one of those rare moments when people forget to perform.
Someone can rehearse their answers and dress to impress, but the little habits around a meal? Those tend to reveal the truth.
That's really what a date's eating habits reveal about them—their patience, generosity, and whether they are genuinely present with you.
When someone relaxes enough to enjoy the meal, share a bite, and laugh through a messy forkful of pasta, you're seeing the real person. Being comfortable at the table often means they are comfortable in their own skin.
And that's one of the clearest first-date signs you can pay attention to.
Green Flags on a First Date to Look For
Let's get specific. These are the green flags on a first date that I tell my clients to watch for before the check ever arrives:
- They are genuinely warm to the server, not just polite when someone is watching.
- They ask what you actually want instead of making every decision for you.
- They stay curious about your stories and ask thoughtful follow-up questions.
- They handle small inconveniences, like a wrong order, without losing their composure.
- They offer to share their food, which can be a quiet sign of generosity.
- Their manners match their words, showing you a consistent person.
None of these are about looks, money, or choosing an expensive restaurant. They are about character.
And character is what holds a relationship together long after the initial spark fades.
How Restaurant Etiquette Shows You Who They Really Are
Restaurant etiquette on a date is a window, not some rigid rulebook.
I'm not talking about which fork to use or how to fold your napkin. I'm talking about how someone behaves when they think the date is the only thing being evaluated.
Table manners and personality go hand in hand more than people realize. Someone who is kind to the busser, patient when the kitchen is slow, and comfortable sharing a plate is showing you how they may treat you on an ordinary Tuesday.
Those everyday signs of a good first date are often the same qualities that predict a good hundredth date.
Signs of a Good First Date Beyond the Plate
The food tells you much of the story, but not all of it.
Some of the best first-date green flags appear in how the conversation flows and how comfortable it feels to simply be around each other.
You feel heard rather than interviewed. The quiet moments feel comfortable instead of awkward. You walk away with more energy than you had when you arrived.
When those things align with the positive signs you notice at the table, that's often how you know you have a real connection on a first date.
Just Trust What the Table Shows You
The whole point of the Food Talks method is that you can stop overthinking the process.
You don't need a giant checklist of perfect traits to determine whether someone is right for you. You simply need to observe how they move through a shared meal and allow their habits to answer the questions their words may not.
Dating green flags are everywhere once your eyes are open to them.
Notice the kindness, the curiosity, and the ease at the table. Do that, and you'll spend less time investing in the wrong people and more time with someone whose ingredients truly complement your own.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are green flags on a first date?
Green flags are positive signs that point to good character and genuine compatibility. You will often notice them in how someone treats the server, shares their food, and stays present with you throughout the meal.
What do a date's eating habits reveal about them?
Quite a lot, actually. Their habits can reveal patience, generosity, and how comfortable they are with themselves. Someone who is relaxed and gracious at the table often brings those same qualities into a relationship.
How do I know if I have a real connection on a first date?
You feel heard, the conversation flows naturally, and you leave feeling lighter than when you arrived. When those feelings are combined with green flags like warmth and curiosity, you may have found something meaningful.
Why does food reveal character on a date?
Because food often lowers people's defenses. Those small, automatic habits around a meal can reveal who someone truly is long before they ever explain it with words.
Want to get better at reading your dates? Book a discovery call, and let's figure out your dating life one bite at a time.
Book a Discovery Call: www.datingfoodtalks.com
Contact Denise for Speaking Engagements: Denise@datingfoodtalks.com
Subscribe to YouTube: @datingfoodtalks for more unfiltered dating advice and relationship tips.
Website: https://datingfoodtalks.com/
Book a Complimentary Coaching Session: https://datingfoodtalks.com/coaching/
Free Download — 1st Date Behavioral Blueprint: https://datingfoodtalks.com/
Buy My Book: https://a.co/d/0c9OHRQl
Facebook, YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram: @datingfoodtalks
Yes. How someone behaves at dinner can reveal how they may handle many other situations in life. Patience, generosity, and respect at a restaurant often reflect the same qualities needed for a healthy relationship.
Learn the 12 critical first-date red flags that reveal someone's true character—from server rudeness to phone obsession—and master the Food Talks method to stop wasting time on wrong relationships.
First Date Restaurant Etiquette: 12 Red Flags You Shouldn't Ignore
Learn what restaurant behavior really reveals about your date's character and spot the 12 warning signs that predict relationship failure.
First Date Restaurant Etiquette: 12 Red Flags You Shouldn't Ignore
Listen, I'm going to tell you something most dating advice won't.
The way someone behaves at dinner is who they actually are. Not the version they put on Instagram. Not the one in their dating app bio. The real one.
After twenty years of dating in New York City and a few thousand conversations as a dating coach, I can tell you with complete confidence that if you want to know who you're really sitting across from, watch them eat.
I'm Denise Tomasetti, the author of FOOD TALKS and the woman behind dating coaching that actually works. My whole method is built on one truth I learned the hard way: food never lies.
Words can. People can. But the way someone treats a server, splits a check, or chooses what to order? That tells you everything.
So let me share twelve first-date red flags every smart dater should know-the ones I see at restaurants every single week.
Why First-Date Etiquette Reveals Real Character
Here's what most people miss. A first date isn't really about the food or even the conversation. It's a window into how this person handles every other situation in life.
Are they patient when something takes longer than expected? Generous when nobody's watching? Respectful to people who can't do anything for them?
You'll learn all of this in 90 minutes at a restaurant if you know what to look for.
This is why restaurant etiquette matters so much in dating. Forget the script. Watch the behavior.
12 First-Date Red Flags You Shouldn't Ignore
These are the patterns I see again and again in my coaching practice. If you spot two or three, pay attention. If you spot five or more, listen to your gut.
1. Rudeness to the Server
This one is non-negotiable. If they snap at the server, complain loudly about small things, or act like the staff is beneath them, you're seeing how they treat people they don't have to impress.
Sweet to you, sharp with everyone else? That's not a personality. That's a performance.
2. Phone on the Table
Their phone, face up next to their water glass, tells you what gets their attention.
If they check it during dinner, pause mid-sentence to read a text, or don't put it away when you sit down, you are not the priority.
You'll always be competing with that screen. Always.
3. Talking Only About Themselves
The first 20 minutes are normal nervous chatter. After that, if they haven't asked you a single real question, that's data.
Some people are so focused on selling themselves that they forget to actually meet you.
Dating is supposed to be a conversation, not a presentation.
4. Bragging About Money or Status
There's a difference between answering "What do you do?" honestly and weaving your salary into every story.
The truly successful people I've dated never had to mention it. The insecure ones couldn't stop.
This is one of the most overlooked dating red flags. It says more about insecurity than success.
5. Drinking Too Much, Too Fast
A glass of wine to relax is fine. Three drinks before the entrée arrives is a pattern.
Watch how they handle alcohol on a first date. This is the version of them on their best behavior. If this is their best, imagine the rest.
6. Being Rigid About the Menu
Someone who can't adapt to a restaurant probably can't adapt in a relationship.
If they refuse to try anything new, demand massive substitutions on every dish, or melt down when the menu doesn't have exactly what they wanted, that rigidity will show up everywhere.
Flexibility at dinner predicts flexibility in life.
7. Speaking Badly About Their Exes
I get it. Sometimes the story comes up.
But if every ex is "crazy" and every breakup was someone else's fault, you're looking at your future.
The way someone talks about people they used to love tells you how they'll talk about you one day.
8. Not Looking Up When You Walk In
This sounds small. It isn't.
Someone who can't put their phone down to greet you when you arrive has already told you something about presence. About attention. About what matters to them.
9. Aggressive About the Bill
There's reasonable, and then there's weird.
Calculating the tip down to the penny, splitting the appetizer they didn't touch, or making a whole moment out of who pays-these aren't financial habits. They're control patterns dressed up in dollar signs.
This is one of the clearest first-date red flags to look out for.
10. Comparing You to Other People
If they mention an ex's looks, talk about other people they've dated, or comment on people walking by the restaurant, pay attention.
Someone who can't be fully present with you on a first date won't be present in a relationship either.
You deserve their full attention, not constant comparison.
11. Pushing Your Boundaries
Trying to order for you when you've already said what you want. Pressuring you to drink. Making "jokes" about coming home with them.
These aren't charming. They're previews.
Believe what you're seeing.
12. Talking About Marriage on the First Date
This one surprises people.
Mentioning weddings, future kids, or "the one" within 30 minutes of meeting you isn't romance. It's intensity.
A healthy connection builds slowly.
People who fast-forward this hard usually have a pattern of doing it-and a pattern of crashing hard, too.
The One Thing Most Dating Advice Gets Wrong
Most dating advice tells you to look for chemistry. Spark. Connection.
I'm telling you to look for character.
Chemistry will lie to you. It can show up with absolutely the wrong person.
But character-how they treat the server, how they handle the unexpected, and how they speak about people who aren't in the room-that's the actual data.
That's the part that determines whether a relationship will work two years from now.
This is what my Food Talks method teaches. Stop trusting the words. Start watching the behavior, especially around food.
How to Spot Red Flags Without Being Cynical
A small warning: I'm not telling you to walk into every first date with a clipboard, judging every move.
That's exhausting, and frankly, it's not attractive.
Instead, just stay present. Pay attention. Notice patterns.
Most red flags don't show up as one big moment; they show up as small, repeated behaviors over the course of dinner.
And here's the most important part. If you notice three or four red flags, trust yourself.
Don't talk yourself out of what you saw. Don't make excuses for them because they're attractive, charming, or successful.
Your gut isn't being dramatic. It's giving you information.
The cost of ignoring early warning signs is months, sometimes years, of your life.
The cost of trusting yourself is one awkward second date that you politely decline.
What to Do When You Spot a Red Flag
You don't have to confront them. You don't have to make a scene.
You just have to be honest with yourself.
Finish the date kindly. Skip the second one. Move on.
Dating well isn't about finding someone who's perfect. It's about being skilled enough to notice when someone isn't a fit early, before you've invested your heart in the wrong story.
Ready to Stop Wasting Time on the Wrong Dates?
If you've been doing this for years-dating the same kind of person on repeat and wondering why nothing changes-it isn't the dating pool.
It's the patterns you can't see yet.
That's what I help people uncover.
Through my Food Talks method, I help singles read the signs early, recognize their own patterns, and finally start choosing people who actually match them.
Want to learn the method that's changed how my clients date?
You can also grab the Free Dating Blueprint right on the homepage-a great place to start.
You don't have to keep guessing. There's a better way to date, and it starts with paying attention to what's already in front of you.
Written by Denise Tomasetti, dating coach, author of FOOD TALKS, and lifelong New Yorker who has helped hundreds of singles stop wasting time on the wrong people.
Common Questions About First-Date Red Flags
Q1: What are the biggest red flags on a first date?
The most common are rudeness to the server, talking only about themselves, constantly being on their phone, and bragging about money. If you spot two or three, trust your gut.
Q2: Should I cancel a second date if I see red flags?
If you noticed three or more red flags, yes. One-off moments can be nerves, but patterns are real. Don't talk yourself out of what you saw. Your instincts are giving you information.
Q3: How can dating coaching help me spot red flags?
A dating coach helps you recognize the patterns you keep missing. Through methods like Food Talks, you learn to read behavior, not just words, so you stop wasting time on the wrong people.
Q4: Is restaurant behavior really that important?
Yes. How someone behaves at dinner reveals how they handle every other situation in life. Patience, generosity, and respect at a restaurant often predict those same qualities in a relationship.
Subscribe to YouTube: @datingfoodtalks for more unfiltered dating and relationship advice.
Contact Denise for Speaking Engagements: Denise@datingfoodtalks.com
Website: https://datingfoodtalks.com/
Book a Complimentary Coaching Session: https://datingfoodtalks.com/coaching/
Free Download - First-Date Behavioral Blueprint: https://datingfoodtalks.com/
Buy My Book: https://a.co/d/0c9OHRQl
Follow on Facebook, YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram: @datingfoodtalks
Discover how your date's behavior at the dinner table reveals hidden truths about compatibility. Learn to read the subtle signs in menu choices, table manners, and sharing dynamics that predict relationship success.
What a First Date Meal Says About Your Compatibility
How the way your date eats reveals everything about your future together.
What a First-Date Meal Says About Your Compatibility
We've all been there—the nervous energy before a first date, picking out the perfect outfit, and doing that final mirror check. Most of the time, we focus on what to say, how our hair looks, or whether there will be an awkward silence. But as a seasoned relationship expert who has spent years decoding the subtle dynamics of human attraction, I'm here to tell you that the biggest clues about your future aren't in what comes out of your date's mouth. They're sitting right on their plate.
Welcome to the fascinating world of first-date food psychology. The way a person interacts with food, menus, and restaurant staff provides a raw, unfiltered window into their true personality. Long before the bill arrives, you can gain valuable insight into your compatibility simply by opening your eyes and observing what happens at the table.
Let's break down what your date's dinner behavior may actually be telling you about your potential future together.
1. The Menu Choice: Independence vs. Control
When you sit down and look over the menu, the decision-making process begins. This is your first real test. What your date's meal choice says about them goes much deeper than their taste in food; it can reflect their emotional maturity and cognitive flexibility.
Consider the person who spends fifteen minutes agonizing over the menu, completely paralyzed by choice, or the one who asks the chef to alter three different ingredients in a standard dish. This may point to anxiety, perfectionism, or a need for control. On the other hand, someone who reviews the menu, confidently makes a choice, and is excited to try something new often approaches life with openness and adaptability.
However, watch out for the dominant orderer. If your date takes control of the ordering process and places your order without first asking what you would like, it may be a subtle sign of a controlling nature. In the grand scheme of dating, healthy relationships require shared decision-making. If they cannot share the menu, they may struggle to share a life.
2. Table Manners and the Empathy Test
It's easy for someone to put on a charming smile and say all the right things for two hours. It's much harder to fake genuine kindness when things don't go according to plan. That's why paying attention to table manners on a first date is so important.
The Golden Rule of Dinner Dates: A person who is kind to you but rude to the waiter is not a kind person.
How your date handles a busy restaurant can reveal a great deal about their emotional regulation. If the kitchen delays the food or the server brings the wrong side dish, how do they react?
- Do they snap, roll their eyes, or make condescending remarks? These are classic red flags that may indicate poor stress management and a lack of empathy.
- Do they remain patient, understanding, and respectful toward the staff? That often reflects emotional intelligence and maturity.
- Pay attention to these behaviors. The way someone treats a stranger who is serving them today may provide insight into how they will respond to stress and frustration in a long-term relationship.
3. The Sharing Dynamic: Generosity vs. Self-Protection
Food is inherently communal. Since the dawn of human history, breaking bread together has been an act of trust and connection. In modern dating, attitudes toward sharing can reveal more than many people realize.
Imagine this scenario: The appetizers arrive. Does your date immediately place the plate in the center of the table and invite you to help yourself? Or do they subconsciously guard their food, protecting every bite?
While food preferences alone don't determine compatibility, small behaviors can sometimes reflect larger patterns. A willingness to share often signals generosity and consideration. An unwillingness to share may simply reflect personal boundaries, but it can also suggest a more self-focused approach to relationships.
Healthy relationships thrive on mutual generosity, whether that's expressed through time, attention, support, or, occasionally, a few French fries.
4. Learning From Common First-Date Mistakes
To illustrate this point, consider a client I'll call Sarah, who was evaluating her compatibility with a man named Mark.
On paper, Mark seemed like an excellent match—successful, funny, and attractive. They met at an upscale bistro for their first date.
As the evening unfolded, however, several concerning patterns emerged. Mark barely made eye contact while ordering, chose an extremely messy rack of ribs, and spent much of the meal complaining about the restaurant's lighting. When Sarah offered him a taste of her risotto, he accepted a large portion without reciprocating. Later, when the bill arrived, he scrutinized every line item and made passive-aggressive comments about the cost of the sparkling water.
None of these actions alone would necessarily be deal-breakers. Together, however, they painted a picture of someone who appeared self-focused, overly critical, and lacking in social awareness.
Sarah trusted her instincts. Although the conversation itself was pleasant, she recognized that his behavior revealed qualities she did not want in a long-term partner. She declined a second date.
The Verdict: Pay Attention to the Patterns
At the end of the day, dating is largely about recognizing patterns. We often spend hours analyzing text messages and overthinking pauses in conversation while overlooking the behaviors happening right in front of us.
Learning to identify potential red flags on a first date doesn't require a psychology degree. It simply requires observation.
Food has a way of bringing out people's comfort levels, habits, boundaries, and social awareness. The next time you sit down for dinner with someone new, don't just listen to their stories. Watch how they navigate the menu, treat the staff, and engage with the people around them.
If their presence at the table feels warm, respectful, and balanced, you may have found someone worth getting to know. If it feels rigid, selfish, or consistently inconsiderate, trust your instincts.
Sometimes compatibility is revealed long before dessert arrives.
Connect with Denise: Denise@datingfoodtalks.com
Follow: Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube: @datingfoodtalks
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