Helen Serrano

I attribute my success to my late grandmother. When I was 4, my dad immigrated to America, and when I was 5, my mom immigrated, so it was my grandmother who raised me in Korea until I was 5. Then I got kidnapped from my own mom - there was fighting, even with a knife involved. I can't remember a single moment or time when my grandmother abused me, neglected me, or anything of that sort. She gave me her undivided attention. They say that the first 7 years is so critical, and it was my first 5 years. I think she gave me the foundation of self-love, kindness, and integrity. I'm going through a high-conflict divorce right now, and when it finally ends this year, I'm going to change my last name from Serrano to Aek Gyeong, my Korean name, so when I get my doctorate degree, I'll be called Dr. Aek Gyeong, so I have my inner child with me all the time.

The best advice I give myself is to start with curiosity when I go through challenges or difficulties and don't agree with another person's perspective or method of handling things. I try to understand where that person is coming from, having that curiosity. I wonder why this person believes in this matter, that they think this is their highest truth. Then I bring space in myself to say, well, it could be the way they were raised, the way they were led by other professionals, and that influenced them somehow. When we start with a pause first, instead of letting all these emotions take over - I'm not saying emotions should be discarded - I do sit with my emotions first, always, and try to understand myself, because emotions are us. When there's anger inside of me, I don't disregard it or abandon or neglect it. I want to know, anger, why are you here? What is the message that you want to give me? Anger is always here to protect us. Anger will provide me situations that are similar to what I'm having right now, but that happened in the past. When we allow our emotions to sit and express freely, it gives us this inner wisdom. Anger will also try to show us other people's perspective if we allow it, if we sit with it. Then it broadens your perspective and changes your history. I really became very close-knitted with my emotions, and I trust my emotions. Society will define it as negative, but it's not negative, it's inner wisdom. With that inner wisdom and emotions, I trust it, I love it, and I'm okay with it. It becomes a serendipitous experience. I apply that with my challenges, and it gives me room to be compassionate and empathetic with somebody, and it lessens my frustration and anger. I get to be more calm, I have that inner calmness, that equanimity.

First, I want to make sure if she's being in this industry because she wants to, or she was told that she should be. I need to get that clear. Is she doing it for herself, or is it someone told her, or she finds the glory, or the status, or the image? I need to know firsthand - is it authentic, or is it a preservative decision? If it is authentic, then I can start working internally with her first. I need to be the big sister or the auntie and understand what are her goals. If she doesn't have a goal, that's perfectly fine too - she'll learn and know on the way, as part of life. But I would tell her to do everything you can in your power and your responsibility, and even after that still doesn't go your way, you need to surrender. Because life has bigger plans for you. And it's not a time, it's a timing. Time is basically what socially, culturally has told us - okay, it's time for you to be married, it's time for you to get that job, it's time for you to have a family. No. Timing is your customized, personalized destiny. So it will come the most serendipitous and the most beautiful, more majestic than you can even imagine, that your human mind can imagine. After everything she has done, she did everything she can, responsibly, being accountable, everything, and if it still doesn't go her way, then let it go and trust.

The biggest challenge right now is dealing with high administration at one of the colleges. I'm the Teacher of the Year, but the dean didn't give me a teaching assignment. The whole department was asking, how come Helen didn't get a teaching assignment? She's the Teacher of the Year. They all know that the dean hired like 10 to 15 new educators, and half of them don't have the credentials to teach ESL - they didn't have any credentials at all. But they got the full load, the maximum hours. Me and other veteran teachers didn't get assignments. So we are battling with that right now. That's the most difficulty right now. It's discrimination. The dean is the president of the high admin union, so she knows how to covertly do a lot of things. That's where me and the union president are working on - how do we go about addressing this? Because she does retaliate covertly.

I believe and live that my personal and my professional life is the same. Kindness is my core value - kindness starts with me. Kindness is through actions. Kindness is not short-term gratification. It is a planting of the seeds that has a long-term, valuable, meaningful results and impact, and not just one setting, but it becomes a trickle effect. Because my kindness to myself spreads to the next person in front of me, and that person goes home and spreads it to their family, and so forth, and so forth, to their community. So kindness, definitely. Another core value of mine is integrity. Integrity is super, super important, because lies - when we lie to ourself - is the first stress. Stress causes blockage. Blockage creates some sort of energy static, and that can create to something else later on, physically. So for me, integrity is extremely important - being honest with myself. Integrity is not just being honest. Integrity also means really going so deep that you can't go anywhere else, and so you need to be accountable. I would say integrity and kindness, and I think after that, everything goes underneath all that. Like, justice goes under integrity and kindness. Humility goes under integrity and kindness.