Her Story
About Kathy
My career began when I was working with children on a kibbutz in Israel, where children used to live in separate houses from their parents with caregivers. I was an assistant to one of those caregivers. Once I began working with children and came back to the U.S. to study human development, I realized I would be working with parents and families. What was most interesting to me was when there were difficulties in the developmental path for the child, which took me to therapeutic nursery school situations. I worked in therapeutic nursery schools and also in the therapeutic nursery with children just 0 to 3 for a number of years pre-licensure. Then I began being a child therapist, parent therapist, and family therapist. Now, I work with families where they are suffering from difficulty being able to remain in relationship. In divorcing families, it's where there is alienation between child and parent, and more so right now, I work with families where there is family estrangement between adult children and parents. Sometimes I work with estranged adult siblings, and sometimes I work with estranged friends. My key responsibility is to hold all of the family members in mind and put them together a little bit like psychic puzzle pieces to try to figure out what pieces are missing and what links could be made to help them reconnect. I try to see the strengths that are there and build up to places where something's missing or there's a weakness, which is typically a weakness in understanding and communication. I have about 1,200 subscribers now on Substack, including international subscribers, and I'm really pleased to reach that many people with what I hope is something helpful in their estrangement. My column is in the form of an advice column called 'You're Estranged' where it starts with a letter and then I respond to the letter. My writing is actually one of the things that I do for pleasure as well as work.
Her Interview
Ten minutes with Kathy
01What do you attribute your success to?
I attribute my success to identifying my strengths and making as much use of them as I can. Learning and collaborating with colleagues has been essential. I've learned to use myself as an instrument to understand what's going on with others. Hard work has definitely been a major factor throughout my 40-plus years in this field. I also think knowing when you don't know something is crucial, and making sure you consult if there's something that you don't know that would help you to understand better. All of these elements together have helped me reach the expert level I'm at today.
02What’s the best career advice you’ve ever received?
The best career advice I can share, which I figured out myself through experience, is if a colleague asks you to join in something, try saying yes. By joining with someone else, you usually learn more and it helps you grow. This realization came from within rather than from a specific mentor, but it's been invaluable in my professional development. Collaborating and being open to opportunities when colleagues reach out has consistently led to growth and learning throughout my career.
03What advice would you give to young women entering your industry?
I would tell young women entering this field to use your breadth and your depth. Use your intelligence, your patience, and your heart. These qualities are essential in this work, and bringing all of yourself to the practice will serve you and your clients well.
04What are the biggest challenges or opportunities in your field right now?
I think AI is a challenge for everybody to figure out how to make the best use of AI in our field. There is also a challenge of learning to work online. This is true for me as someone older, though maybe not so true for someone younger. These technological shifts represent both challenges and opportunities that we all need to navigate in mental health practice today.
05What values are most important to you in your work and personal life?
The values most important to me in both my work and personal life are integrity, clarity when you can get it, looking as deeply as you can, providing as much of yourself and bringing as much of yourself to any situation as you're able to, and continuing to grow. These values guide everything I do, whether I'm working with families dealing with estrangement or spending time in nature in West Marin with my husband and our dogs.
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