Kimberly McNary, LMFT

I attribute my success to resilience that was forged early, mentors who refined my raw edges, and a life that kept stretching me. I grew up in an environment where performance felt like survival — I learned very young that excellence was my exit strategy. Achievement felt like oxygen.

But what I now call success isn’t about proving — it’s about building. over time, I learned how to transform that drive into purpose instead of pressure.

Raising children humbled me in all the right ways. It softened what grit alone could not. Motherhood exposed my impatience, my perfectionism, and my tenderness. Mentors invested in my skill when I didn’t yet see my own potential.

I went through my own divorce over a decade ago and I was forced to grow and stretch in areas I wasn't accustomed to. I have remarried and my husband stands behind my ambition without needing to stand in front of it.

I’ve been guided by generous mentors who helped me sharpen my craft, a husband who supports me without competition, and a circle of women who celebrate me fully — and call me forward when I can’t see my own blind spots.

My success isn’t self-made. It’s forged, supported, and continually refined through healing, humility, and community.

A piece of impactful advice was, “I can care, but I don’t have to carry it.”--meaning, I have empathy. I do not have ownership. I can care about your feelings without taking responsibility for fixing them. I can care about your struggle without absorbing it into my nervous system. I can care about the outcome without managing it for you.

Secondly, "You cannot take a client farther than you have gone yourself."--meaning, you can only guide someone to the edge of your own capacity for self-examination, regulation, grief, accountability, and growth. If you avoid your own anger, you’ll unconsciously steer clients away from theirs. If you haven’t faced your own shame, you may rush to soothe theirs too quickly. If you haven’t tolerated your own uncertainty, you’ll over-direct instead of holding space. Clients don’t just benefit from what you know. They benefit from what you’ve metabolized.

Personally, this has been the most impactful in my personal and professional relationships: Do you want a relationship or do you want to be right, meaning, am I trying to win this moment…

or am I trying to protect the bond? Being “right” is about proving, correcting, defending, or establishing superiority. Wanting the relationship is about understanding, repairing, and preserving trust — even if that means softening your stance.

1. Before you build a brand, build your nervous system. Your clinical skill will grow. Your marketing will evolve. But your capacity to sit in the room without needing to rescue, impress, overperform, or avoid? That’s the foundation.
2. Lead by example and show that you can achieve your professional goals. I encourage focusing on building a strong career and gaining diverse life experiences before feeling pressured to rush into parenthood.
3. Surround yourself with women who empower and encourage you, not compete and drain your energy. You reflect what you are surrounded with.
4. You will grow faster with correction than with applause alone.
5. Build a life bigger than your practice. My identity is not solely wrapped up in my career.

A significant challenge in my field is the lack of accessible support and clear guidance for women navigating divorce and major life transitions, particularly when it comes to managing emotional regulation. This gap presents an opportunity to offer practical, nervous-system-based tools and strategies that help women navigate these experiences with dignity and empowerment.

AI also presents an ethical dilemma for many clinicians. Even if you do not use it yourself, get educated because your client's are using it without you and if you are not educated and ask about their use of AI, you could be missing out on a great deal of missed opportunities to help support them in their ethical and beneficial use of AI.

The values most important to me in both my work and personal life are cherishing family, supporting women, preserving dignity, fostering emotional regulation, integrity, and committing to continual learning. Outside of work, I enjoy spending time with my husband, adult children, grandkids, playing pickleball, hiking, traveling, and reading. I'm an avid puzzles person and have played Words With Friends since 2011 and engage in those nerdy NYT crossword and word games daily.