Laura Spale, M.S.

I Don't Remember Exactly When I Became “the Strong One”

I don't remember exactly when I became “the strong one.”

There wasn't a specific day, title, or achievement that suddenly assigned me the role. It happened gradually, as it does for many women. Responsibility after responsibility, challenge after challenge—life has a way of placing things on our shoulders until one day we realize how much we are carrying.

For many years, I viewed strength as something to strive for. Strength meant perseverance. It meant independence. It meant finding a way forward no matter the circumstances. I admired strong women—the women who seemed capable of handling anything life placed in front of them, who remained calm during difficult situations, supported others when they were struggling, and somehow continued moving forward despite obstacles that would have stopped many people.

As I've gotten older, however, my understanding of strength has changed.

Strength Rarely Feels as Confident as It Looks

I've come to realize that strength is often misunderstood. From the outside, people tend to see the results. They see the business owner, the mother, the leader, the professional. They see the accomplishments, the responsibilities, and the ability to keep going when life becomes difficult. What they don't always see are the sacrifices, the uncertainty, the self-doubt, and the countless moments spent wondering whether you're making the right decisions.

Strength rarely feels as confident as it looks.

There have been many seasons in my life where I felt anything but strong—seasons marked by unexpected challenges, difficult decisions, career transitions, financial uncertainty, and personal loss. There were moments when I questioned myself, moments when I felt exhausted, moments when I wished someone else could carry the weight for a while.

Yet life has a way of continuing forward whether we feel ready or not.

As a mother, there is no option to simply stop when things become difficult. Children still need support, guidance, advocacy, and love. As a business owner, clients still need answers. Responsibilities still exist. Deadlines still arrive. People still depend on you. Over time, you learn how to keep moving even when you're tired.

What I've Discovered Is That Many Women Are Doing the Same Thing

Every day, women are balancing careers, businesses, families, caregiving responsibilities, financial pressures, personal goals, and the countless invisible tasks that often go unnoticed. They are coordinating schedules, solving problems, supporting others, managing households, navigating professional challenges, and carrying emotional burdens that rarely appear on résumés or social media profiles.

The remarkable thing is how often they do it quietly.

We rarely talk about the mental load many women carry. We rarely discuss the emotional labor involved in being the person everyone relies on. We celebrate resilience without always acknowledging the cost of it. Somewhere along the way, many of us were taught that strength means handling everything ourselves. We learned to associate asking for help with weakness. We convinced ourselves that needing support somehow reflects a lack of capability.

I believed that for a long time.

I thought strength meant proving that I could manage everything independently. I thought success meant being able to carry every responsibility placed in front of me. I thought asking for help was something you did only after exhausting every other option.

Experience has taught me otherwise. The strongest people I know are not those who carry everything alone. They are those who understand their limits. They know when to ask questions. They know when to seek support. They know when to lean on others. Most importantly, they understand that strength and vulnerability can exist at the same time.

That lesson has become increasingly important to me as I've grown both personally and professionally.

Nobody Does It All Perfectly

As women, we often place tremendous pressure on ourselves to excel in every area of life simultaneously. We want to be exceptional mothers, successful professionals, supportive partners, reliable friends, active community members, and healthy individuals. We compare ourselves to impossible standards and wonder why we feel exhausted.

The truth is, nobody does it all perfectly. Behind every successful woman is a story that most people never hear. There are setbacks, disappointments, sacrifices, fears, and moments of uncertainty. There are difficult conversations, sleepless nights, and decisions made without knowing whether they are the right ones. Yet despite those challenges, women continue showing up.

They continue advocating for their children. They continue building businesses. They continue leading organizations. They continue supporting their communities. They continue pursuing goals that matter to them—not because they are fearless, not because they have all the answers, but because they have learned that courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is moving forward despite it.

Strength Is Not About Being Invincible

Today, when I think about strength, I no longer picture someone who never struggles. I picture someone who continues to show up even when life feels heavy. I picture someone willing to ask for help when they need it. I picture someone who understands that their worth is not measured by how much they can carry.

Strength is not about being invincible.

It is about being human.

It is about continuing to grow, learn, adapt, and persevere while recognizing that none of us were meant to do it alone.

If you've found yourself becoming the strong one in your family, workplace, business, or community, I hope you remember that your value is not determined by how much you sacrifice. Your strength is not diminished when you need support. And your ability to lead is not measured by your willingness to carry every burden by yourself.

Sometimes the strongest thing we can do is allow ourselves to be supported, too.

For years, a certain ideal of success has been quietly sold to women—an elusive standard that promises fulfillment in every aspect of life. It’s the image of a woman who juggles a thriving business, a present and patient mother, a spotless home, a maintained body, and a peaceful mind—all simultaneously. This ideal suggests that these elements should coexist harmoniously, perfectly balanced in a seamless flow. We call it “balance,” and many of us have been striving for it, believing it is not only attainable but necessary for a fulfilled life.

But if you’ve ever genuinely attempted to live according to this standard, you already know the truth: balance, as it is often defined, is a myth. Not because it is impossible to pursue multiple priorities—many of us do that daily—but because it assumes those priorities can receive equal energy, attention, and presence at the same time.

The reality is that life does not operate on a level playing field. Our time is limited, our energy fluctuates, and our attention is inherently selective. We cannot be fully present in every area at all times without sacrificing something else. And yet, society continues to perpetuate the idea that we should.

The problem is not that we are failing at maintaining this impossible ideal. It is that we are measuring ourselves against a standard that does not reflect reality.

We live in a world where time is finite, energy is inconsistent, and priorities shift in waves. Despite this, the expectation persists that we can build meaningful careers, nurture deep relationships, maintain our homes, care for ourselves, and do it all with a sense of calm and control within a single 24-hour day.

When we fall short, the default response often turns inward: “I need to manage my time better,” or “I need to be more disciplined,” or “I should have a better routine.” But more often than not, the issue is not discipline or routine—it is the belief that we should be able to do it all at once.

What actually exists instead of balance are seasons—distinct periods where certain priorities take precedence over others. Life naturally ebbs and flows, and so do our energy levels and commitments.

There are times when your business demands more of you—mentally, emotionally, and logistically. There are seasons when your family needs your full presence, and productivity takes a backseat to connection. There are also periods when your energy is lower, your capacity is limited, and your expectations must be adjusted accordingly.

The challenge is not in experiencing these shifts—it is in resisting them.

Trying to force yourself into constant “balance” during a growth phase in your business can make you feel like you are falling behind at home. Conversely, attempting to operate at full capacity in your personal life during a demanding professional season can lead to feelings of failure.

But in truth, you are not failing. You are simply applying the wrong standard to the wrong season.

Every decision to prioritize one area inherently involves deprioritizing another. We rarely want to admit this because it feels uncomfortable—like admitting defeat. Instead, we hold onto the belief that with enough systems, routines, or mindset shifts, we can avoid trade-offs altogether.

But real growth—especially in business and life—requires accepting that there will be periods of disproportionate focus.

This may mean saying no to certain opportunities, allowing some areas to be “good enough” instead of perfect, or accepting that your energy must be concentrated in specific areas rather than evenly distributed.

The discomfort is not in the work itself. It is in the awareness that some things are temporarily receiving less attention. And that awareness often creates guilt—a persistent voice telling us we should be doing more, that we are falling behind, or that we are not showing up as we “should.”

Guilt, in this context, becomes the real weight we carry.

It is not the workload or the schedule that drains us—it is the internal dialogue that whispers, “I should be doing more here,” or “I am failing because I am not enough everywhere.”

Even when we are showing up as intended, we are often doing so selectively, which can trigger feelings of inadequacy. Guilt transforms intentional prioritization into perceived failure, reframing strategic decisions as shortcomings.

Over time, this cycle creates a sense that nothing is ever enough—because we are constantly measuring ourselves against an impossible standard.

So what actually works instead of chasing an unattainable balance?

It is not perfection or constant equilibrium. What truly helps is clarity and intentional prioritization.

The first step is honesty about what season you are in—not the one you wish you were in, or the one society suggests you should be in, but the one you are actually living.

Ask yourself: What matters most right now? Where should I direct my energy? What can be simplified, delayed, or supported temporarily?

Structure, in this context, becomes a tool—not to do everything, but to support your current priorities.

When everything feels urgent, nothing receives your best. But when you clarify what matters most, you create space for meaningful focus and progress.

Part of letting go of the myth of balance involves redefining what “doing well” actually means.

It is not perfect consistency across all areas or equal time spent on everything. It is being fully present where you have chosen to be, making decisions aligned with your current priorities, and allowing other areas to be temporarily less than ideal—not neglected or abandoned, but not centered.

The goal is not to do everything at once. It is to do what matters most in each season with intention.

From the outside, it may look like imbalance when you are in a demanding season. But internally, when your focus is deliberate, it is actually alignment.

The difference lies in whether your choices are reactive—driven by guilt or external pressure—or intentional, guided by clarity.

When you stop trying to evenly distribute yourself across everything and instead focus where it matters most, you do not lose control—you gain clarity.

The truth about “having it all” may be that the goal was never to do everything at once.

Instead, it is about building what matters, showing up where it counts, and trusting that fulfillment comes from focused effort—not from constant balance.

Balance, as it is often portrayed, does not create that.

Clarity, intentionality, and acceptance do.

And in embracing that, you find a more sustainable and authentic way to live and thrive.

For a long time, I believed that if I worked hard, followed the rules, and stayed committed to serving others, everything would eventually fall into place. I built my career in nonprofit work, research, healthcare, and violence prevention—fields centered around helping people navigate difficult systems and build better lives. But like many women, I eventually found myself facing a reality those systems hadn’t fully prepared me for: navigating financial systems on my own.

Taxes, insurance, financial planning, and business regulations are often treated like specialized knowledge—something reserved for accountants, advisors, or professionals behind closed doors. Yet these systems affect every aspect of our lives. They determine what we owe, what we keep, what we can build, and what opportunities remain within reach.

And the truth is, many women are expected to navigate these systems without ever being taught how they actually work. That realization changed the direction of my career—and my mission.

Many women step into financial leadership not by choice, but by circumstance.

Sometimes it happens after a divorce.

Sometimes after the loss of a partner.

Sometimes after layoffs, career transitions, or the decision to start a business.

In my own life, I experienced seasons when the stability I thought was secure suddenly wasn’t. Career changes, financial uncertainty, and the responsibility of providing for my daughter forced me to take a much deeper look at the systems that impact financial stability.

I had spent years working in roles focused on service and impact. My work included developing and supporting educational programs that helped refugees and immigrants gain access to job training, language skills, civic education, and entrepreneurial development. These programs were designed to help people build independence and opportunity in their new communities. Through that work, I saw firsthand how access to information—especially financial and professional education—could completely change someone’s future.

But what I began to recognize was that the same barriers to access exist for many people born and raised within our own communities as well. Financial systems are often complicated, filled with jargon, and difficult to navigate without guidance. Many people feel intimidated before they even begin. And women, in particular, often carry an additional burden: the expectation that they should somehow manage everything without ever being shown how.

The data reflects this gap clearly. Research from Bank of America’s Women, Money, Confidence study found that while 94% of women expect to be personally responsible for their finances at some point in their lives, only about 48% report feeling confident about their financial situation, and just 28% feel empowered to take action on it.

Other surveys continue to highlight the same pattern: women often manage day-to-day financial responsibilities such as paying bills and budgeting, but many report feeling less confident when it comes to long-term financial strategies like investing, building wealth, and retirement planning.

This gap is not about intelligence or capability. It is about access to clear, understandable information.

Financial literacy isn’t just about learning how to file taxes or track expenses. It’s about understanding the systems that influence your financial future. When women begin to understand these systems, something powerful happens. The intimidation fades, and confidence takes its place.

Financial literacy gives women the ability to ask better questions, advocate for themselves, and make decisions that align with their goals.

It allows entrepreneurs to build businesses more strategically.

It allows families to plan more intentionally.

And it allows individuals to protect the financial stability they are working so hard to create.

Knowledge removes fear. And when fear disappears, possibility grows.

One of the biggest reasons financial systems feel overwhelming is that they are rarely explained in plain language. Tax codes, financial regulations, and insurance policies are often written in ways that require specialized interpretation. For someone without formal training in these areas, the experience can feel like trying to read a different language.

This isn’t a reflection of people’s ability to understand. It’s a reflection of systems that were never designed with accessibility as a priority. And yet, the consequences of not understanding them can be significant.

Missing deductions, failing to track expenses, misunderstanding tax obligations, or avoiding financial planning altogether can lead to unnecessary financial strain. When people feel excluded from understanding these systems, they often disengage from them entirely. That’s where education—and accessibility—becomes critical.

Another important shift happening right now is the rapid rise of women entrepreneurs. More women than ever are launching businesses, consulting practices, and independent careers. Entrepreneurship creates incredible opportunities for flexibility, financial independence, and innovation. But it also requires navigating complex financial systems.

Business owners must understand taxes, deductions, licensing requirements, insurance coverage, and financial planning in ways that traditional employment never required. Without clear guidance, many entrepreneurs find themselves learning through costly trial and error.

When women understand the financial side of business—from tracking expenses to planning for taxes—they gain the ability to build companies that are not only successful, but sustainable. Financial clarity allows entrepreneurs to shift their focus from simply surviving to actually growing. And when women-owned businesses grow, entire communities benefit.

This is especially important considering the economic shift already underway. According to research from McKinsey & Company and Bank of America, women are expected to control nearly $30 trillion in financial assets in the United States by the end of the decade, a phenomenon often referred to as the “Great Wealth Transfer.” As generational wealth shifts and more women lead businesses, households, and investment decisions, financial literacy will become even more critical.

Today, much of my work focuses on helping people understand financial systems in ways that are practical, approachable, and grounded in real life. Through my work in tax and insurance services, as well as my podcast, The Clarity Lens, I try to break down topics that often feel overwhelming and make them understandable.

Financial education shouldn’t feel intimidating or exclusive. It should feel empowering.

People deserve resources that explain things clearly. They deserve spaces where they can ask questions without feeling judged. And they deserve the opportunity to build financial confidence at their own pace. When knowledge becomes accessible, people begin to see possibilities where they once saw obstacles.

When women gain financial literacy, the impact extends far beyond individual success. Financially confident women are more likely to start businesses, invest in their communities, and create opportunities for others. They raise children who grow up understanding financial responsibility and independence. They build stronger households and more resilient communities.

Economic empowerment has a ripple effect. The more women understand financial systems, the more they can shape their futures instead of feeling controlled by circumstances they don’t fully understand.

The word that continues to guide my work is clarity.

Clarity isn’t about having every answer or predicting every challenge. It’s about understanding enough to move forward with confidence. Clarity is the moment when confusion turns into understanding.

It is the moment when fear is replaced with informed decisions.

It is the moment when someone realizes they are capable of navigating systems that once felt intimidating.

When women gain clarity around their finances, they gain more than knowledge. They gain confidence. They gain independence. They gain the ability to build stability for themselves and the people who depend on them. And perhaps most importantly, they gain the power to shape their own future instead of feeling defined by circumstances.

Because clarity doesn’t just change a financial situation. It changes a life.

And when enough women gain that clarity, it doesn’t just transform individual lives.

It transforms generations.