Meghan DeFord

The best career advice I ever received came from Wanda Alexander, who was the chair of the Board of Governors at the University of Maryland. She told me, 'If you don't have haters, you're doing it wrong.' I didn't get it at the time. I was like, I don't agree with that, you can always get people to work together. But the older I get, the more experience I have, I realize what she was really saying is that you're not going to be for everyone, and that's okay. Don't waste your time trying to convince people who don't get the vision, or disagree with you, or don't need what you're offering. Being told no is a very positive thing if you look at it the right way. It was such a great piece of advice, and it stuck with me until I got it, and I'm so grateful that she lodged it somewhere in my brain.

First of all, don't tell yourself no before you go for something. I think so many times we count ourselves out before trying and give ourselves a lot of reasons not to try, and it's really doing women a disservice. I think stopping and pausing and reflecting on your life is critical - asking yourself if you are checking off boxes in your life or if you are living with intention. I think so often women have been conditioned in our society to perform for others and to define their worth based on how valuable they are to others, and that creates a challenge where really impressive, incredible, ambitious women are living their lives and succeeding based on other people's expectations and goals for them, and not their own. So I think pausing and reflecting and really seeing if you are bringing that authenticity to your life is essential. I also want to emphasize the absolute power that women have individually and collectively. Scarcity is a lie - there's always room at the table, and we are so much better when we support each other. The main piece of advice I would give is really to take that pause and reflect on where you are and ask, is this where I actually want to be? And if you find that you really don't want this, or things start feeling hollow, you don't have to blow up your life. You just need to start making adjustments and start living according to your values and your experience. We're not robots - we're fully human, we're growing and experiencing, and we don't need to overhaul everything. But I think too often we get so caught up in the title, the salary, the house, the awards, and we don't stop to think, is this actually what I want to be doing right now? And making adjustments if it's not.

In the coaching industry, I think there's a lot of bullshit, to be really honest. I think women especially, but anyone who is really seeking that guidance, are being misled. I'm a huge proponent of therapy, and therapists and coaches - there's space for both, but they do not do the same thing. I've had people come to me and I've referred them to therapists because I think they actually need to see a therapist, and I don't think a lot of coaches realize that, or honestly don't realize they're not doing that. It is a fine line, and I think that a lot of coaches are selling inspiration without action. I think they are selling that you're the problem, and you're not the problem. There may be something that you want to work on, but you're not the problem - maybe adjustments that you need to make, but I think it's a big problem. On the consulting side with higher education fundraising teams, I see that expectations and goals are increasing, and the leadership managing those teams has their own portfolio plus a staff they're managing, and oftentimes they don't have time to help guide and coach and mentor the way that they probably want to. You're not setting people up for the optimal success that they can have and for a good experience for the donor. By doing that one-on-one coaching, I can help take away that fear of 'I don't know how to tell my boss that I don't know how to make this ask' or 'I haven't made the ask because I'm worried they're going to say no.' I think that's why there's a lot of turnover in philanthropy - people just aren't getting the mentorship and the guidance that they need.

I work from a values-based foundation and model, and my values are authenticity, adventure, optimism, belonging, and impact. If I had to rank them, authenticity is probably the highest, both for myself personally and professionally and in the world that I create and put out into the world. These values guide everything I do, from how I work with my coaching clients to how I live my personal life. I believe in helping women bring authenticity to their lives at whatever point they're at, rather than living based on other people's expectations and goals for them.