Morgan Massie

Connection Isn't a Soft Skill: It's a Performance Driver

Not long ago, I was facilitating a leadership development workshop when I noticed something that immediately frustrated me. One by one, participants began looking down at their phones. At first, it was subtle, but within minutes, several people were checking messages, responding to emails, and quietly shifting their attention away from the conversation. As a facilitator, it's easy to take that personally. I found myself wondering whether the content wasn't landing or whether the room simply wasn't engaged.

When we paused for a break, several participants came over to explain what had happened. A significant issue had unfolded back at their organization while we were in the workshop. Teams back at the office were trying to manage the situation, decisions were being made in real time, and many of the leaders sitting in front of me were directly involved. They weren't distracted because they didn't care about the workshop. They were distracted because they cared deeply about the people and responsibilities waiting for them outside the room.

In that moment, I realized nothing about my workshop had changed. The objectives hadn't changed. The activities hadn't changed. The slides certainly hadn't changed. What had changed was the context.

As leaders, we often face a choice in moments like these. We can stubbornly push forward with the plan we created, or we can acknowledge reality and adjust our leadership to meet people where they are. I chose the latter. We paused long enough for everyone to address what required immediate attention, adjusted the pacing of the afternoon, shortened a few activities, and shifted our discussion toward the conversations and leadership decisions they were actively navigating in real time.

Ironically, once people felt that their reality had been acknowledged rather than ignored, they became more present, more engaged, and more willing to participate than they had been before.

That experience has stayed with me because it reinforced something I have come to believe after more than twenty years of facilitating workshops, speaking on stages, and coaching leaders: the greatest leadership challenges rarely begin as performance problems. They begin as connection problems.

Measuring the Outcomes While Missing the Cause

Organizations have become exceptionally good at measuring results. We track productivity, engagement, retention, customer satisfaction, profitability, innovation, and performance with remarkable precision. Dashboards tell us whether teams are thriving or struggling, and leaders spend countless hours reviewing metrics designed to improve organizational performance.

Those measurements matter, but I often wonder whether we have become so focused on the outcomes that we've overlooked one of the most important drivers behind them.

According to workplace research from Gallup, managers account for as much as 70 percent of the variance in employee engagement. That statistic alone should give every leader pause. If one person's leadership can influence engagement to that degree, then engagement isn't simply the result of compensation, benefits, or organizational strategy. It is profoundly influenced by the everyday interactions leaders have with their teams.

Engagement influences productivity, retention, customer loyalty, well-being, and ultimately organizational performance, suggesting that the quality of leadership conversations may have a far greater impact than we often realize.

Perhaps what separates exceptional leaders from average ones isn't simply experience, intelligence, or technical expertise.

Perhaps it's connection.

Not networking.

Not charisma.

Not even communication by itself.

Connection.

The ability to remain connected to ourselves, to the people around us, and to the context surrounding every interaction.

Leadership Happens One Conversation at a Time

One idea I return to repeatedly is that every leadership challenge eventually becomes a conversation. Culture becomes a conversation. Change becomes a conversation. Accountability becomes a conversation. Innovation becomes a conversation. Employee retention becomes a conversation.

You get the idea.

Even the conversations that never happen leave their mark. The difficult feedback that is postponed, the employee who quietly stops sharing ideas, the team member who disengages long before submitting a resignation—all of these begin with moments where connection slowly fades.

Leadership rarely unravels because of one catastrophic decision. More often, it erodes through hundreds of ordinary moments when leaders stop noticing what is happening beneath the surface.

That workshop experience reminded me that the problem wasn't people checking their phones. The real leadership failure would have been mine if I had taken their outward distraction personally and ignored what those phones represented.

The Three Levels of Connection

Over the years, I have come to believe that meaningful leadership requires connection in three distinct areas.

The first is connection to ourselves. Effective leadership begins with self-awareness because the stories we tell ourselves influence the way we lead others. My first assumption that day was that people were disengaged. Had I stayed attached to that assumption, I would have responded with frustration instead of curiosity.

Self-connection requires us to notice our own emotions, challenge our assumptions, and recognize that our interpretation of a situation is not always the truth.

The second is connection to others. The best leaders I know are deeply curious. Rather than assuming they know why someone is behaving a certain way, they ask thoughtful questions and seek understanding before offering judgment.

People want to feel understood before they are expected to understand us.

Trust grows not because leaders always have the right answers, but because people consistently experience being seen, heard, and respected.

The third is connection to context, and I believe it is one of the most overlooked leadership skills today.

The workshop didn't suddenly become ineffective that afternoon. The context simply changed. Leadership requires us to recognize when new information should influence how we lead. The same coaching conversation, the same presentation, or the same feedback can produce entirely different outcomes depending on what people are carrying into the room with them.

Connection to context means allowing new information to change your approach rather than forcing people through the one you planned.

What the Research Continues to Tell Us

The importance of connection is reinforced by decades of leadership and organizational research. Amy Edmondson has demonstrated that psychologically safe teams consistently outperform those where people fear speaking up, admitting mistakes, or asking questions. Those environments don't emerge because leaders are perfect. They emerge because leaders intentionally create relationships built on trust, curiosity, and respect.

The same principle appears in adult learning research. Malcolm Knowles proposed that adults learn best when learning is immediately relevant to the challenges they are facing. Adults are internally motivated, practical, and problem-centered.

When leaders ignore the realities people are experiencing, they unintentionally compete with those realities for attention. When leaders acknowledge those realities and connect learning to them, engagement increases because the experience becomes meaningful rather than merely informational.

Perhaps that is true beyond the classroom as well.

People don't disconnect because they suddenly lose interest.

More often, they disconnect because they no longer feel connected.

A Different Question

Many leadership programs encourage us to ask, "How can I become a better communicator?" It is certainly an important question, but I have begun asking a different one:

What am I disconnected from right now?

Am I disconnected from my own assumptions?

Am I disconnected from the people sitting across from me?

Am I disconnected from the context they are experiencing?

Those questions have changed the way I facilitate workshops, coach executives, and lead conversations. More importantly, they have changed the way I respond when reality refuses to follow my agenda.

The Leadership Challenge

Before your next meeting, coaching conversation, presentation, or difficult discussion, pause for just one minute. Before thinking about what you're going to say, ask yourself whether you are connected to yourself, connected to the people in front of you, and connected to the context surrounding the conversation.

Those sixty seconds may influence the outcome far more than another slide, another talking point, or another leadership model.

Looking back, I don't remember every slide I presented for the rest of that afternoon. I remember the decision I made. I chose to stop leading the agenda and start leading the people in front of me, given the situation that presented itself.

The participants didn't stay engaged because I stayed on schedule.

They stayed engaged because I stayed connected.

Connection isn't a soft skill. It's a performance driver.

When leaders strengthen their connection to themselves, to others, and to the context around them, better conversations follow. Better conversations lead to better decisions. Better decisions build stronger cultures, higher engagement, and ultimately better organizational outcomes.

In the end, leadership isn't measured by how well we stick to the plan. It's measured by how well we connect—to ourselves, our people, and the context we're in, in the moment.

Where Do We Start? A Maturity Model for Menopause Leadership

In my last article, I shared a personal story about experiencing tunnel vision while driving—an unexpected symptom of perimenopause that changed the way I think about leadership. I argued that menopause isn't simply a women's health issue. It's a workplace issue, a leadership issue, and ultimately, a business issue.

The response was overwhelming.

Many readers agreed the conversation was overdue.

But almost everyone asked the same follow-up question:

"Where do we start?"

It's the right question.

Because awareness, by itself, doesn't change organizations.

Most companies don't become more inclusive because they attended one webinar. They don't improve communication because they updated one policy. And they certainly don't transform culture overnight.

Real organizational change happens through maturity.

As someone who has spent more than 20 years helping organizations develop leaders, I often think about maturity models. Whether we're talking about leadership development, cybersecurity, safety, quality improvement, or employee engagement, organizations grow through stages. They learn. They improve. They build systems that reinforce the behaviors they value.

I believe menopause support is no different.

Rather than asking, "Do we have a menopause policy?" I encourage organizations to ask a better question:

"How mature are we in supporting employees through this stage of life?"

Here's one way to think about that journey.

Level One: Awareness

Every organization starts here.

Leaders recognize that perimenopause and menopause exist and understand that symptoms extend far beyond hot flashes. They begin learning that sleep disruption, anxiety, cognitive changes, fatigue, joint pain, and reduced concentration can all affect someone's experience at work.

This level isn't about becoming experts.

It's about replacing surprise with understanding.

Research from the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) has found that many HR professionals acknowledge menopause affects the workplace, yet relatively few organizations have formal education or manager training in place. Awareness remains the exception rather than the norm.

The goal at this stage is simple:

People stop saying, "I had no idea."

Level Two: Conversation

Awareness creates knowledge.

Conversation creates trust.

This is often where organizations become uncomfortable.

• Managers worry they'll say the wrong thing.
• Employees worry they'll be judged.
• Everyone waits for someone else to bring it up.
• Meanwhile, nothing changes.

Psychological safety researcher Amy Edmondson has spent decades demonstrating that organizations perform better when employees feel safe speaking up about concerns, asking for help, and sharing challenges without fear of embarrassment or negative consequences.

That principle applies here as well.

Employees don't expect managers to have medical expertise.

They do expect managers to create an environment where honest conversations are possible.

Level Three: Leadership

This is where I believe the greatest opportunity exists.

When organizations think about menopause support, they often focus on policies.

I think they should focus on leaders.

Managers influence an employee's daily experience far more than an employee handbook ever will.

• A leader who notices behavioral changes without making assumptions.
• A supervisor who asks thoughtful questions.
• An executive who models empathy without lowering expectations.

Those behaviors don't just support employees experiencing perimenopause or menopause.

They improve leadership across the board.

After all, today's leaders are navigating employees through caregiving responsibilities, grief, mental health challenges, chronic illness, new parenthood, and countless other life transitions.

The leadership skills required are remarkably similar:

• Curiosity.
• Communication.
• Trust.
• Flexibility.
• Empathy.

Those aren't menopause skills.

They're leadership skills.

Level Four: Systems

Strong cultures are reinforced by strong systems.

This is where organizations begin asking operational questions.

• Do managers know what resources are available?
• Are wellness programs inclusive of midlife health?
• Do flexible work practices support employees during temporary challenges?
• Have employee benefits been reviewed through the lens of today's workforce demographics?

The workforce itself is changing.

According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, women between the ages of 45 and 64 represent one of the fastest-growing and most experienced segments of today's labor force. These are often the employees leading projects, mentoring future leaders, and carrying decades of institutional knowledge.

Designing systems that help retain this talent isn't simply compassionate.

It's strategic.

Level Five: Culture

This is the destination.

Culture isn't measured by the policies hanging on a bulletin board.

It's measured by what people feel safe talking about.

• Do employees believe they'll be supported?
• Do leaders respond with curiosity instead of assumptions?
• Do conversations about health and well-being happen without stigma?

At this level, menopause is no longer viewed as an uncomfortable exception.

It's simply one of many life experiences employees navigate while continuing to contribute meaningful work.

Organizations often ask me which level matters most.

The truth is, they all do.

But if I had to choose one place to begin, I wouldn't start with a policy.

I'd start with leadership.

Gallup has consistently found that managers account for as much as 70% of the variance in employee engagement. That statistic should give every executive pause.

• Managers shape employee experience.
• Managers shape trust.
• Managers shape culture.
• Policies matter.
• Benefits matter.
• Education matters.

But culture is experienced one conversation at a time.

Five years from now, I don't believe organizations will be asking whether menopause belongs in the workplace conversation.

That question has already been answered.

The organizations that stand out won't be the ones that reacted to a trend.

They'll be the ones that recognized an opportunity to become better employers.

Not because they had all the answers.

But because they were willing to build leaders who know how to navigate change with empathy, confidence, and curiosity.

Every organization eventually becomes a reflection of the conversations it is willing to have.

The question isn't whether your employees are experiencing perimenopause or menopause.

They are.

The question is whether your workplace is ready to meet them there.

When Perimenopause Changed the Way I Think About Leadership

I still remember the drive to work that day.

I was on my way to a meeting, mentally rehearsing the day ahead, when something unsettling happened. My vision began to narrow. Not blurry-narrow. It felt as though I were looking through a tunnel. I gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, wondering if I was having a stroke.

The episode passed, but the fear stayed with me.

Eventually, I learned it wasn't a stroke at all. It was perimenopause.

Like many women, I thought I knew what to expect. I knew about hot flashes and night sweats. What I didn't know was that perimenopause could also bring cognitive changes, including brain fog, difficulty concentrating, increased anxiety, disrupted sleep, and, in some cases, visual disturbances. Looking back, I realized my body had been sending signals for months. I simply didn't know how to recognize them.

As someone who has spent more than 20 years coaching leaders and organizations, I found myself asking a different question.

If I didn't know this could happen, how many leaders don't know it either?

That's where this stops being a women's health issue and becomes a leadership issue.

Perimenopause and menopause symptoms don't JUST happen outside of work. They happen during board meetings, client presentations, performance reviews, strategic planning sessions, hospital shifts, classrooms, and sales calls. They affect women who are often in the most experienced and influential years of their careers.

Without awareness, it's easy to misinterpret what's happening. Brain fog can look like poor preparation. Fatigue can appear as disengagement. Anxiety may be mistaken for a lack of confidence. A temporary change in performance can become an unfair judgment about someone's capabilities.

The business impact is becoming harder to ignore.

Research from the Mayo Clinic estimates that menopause-related symptoms contribute to approximately $1.8 billion in lost work productivity each year in the United States through missed work alone, with even greater costs when reduced productivity while at work is considered.

At the same time, the policy landscape is changing. Since 2023, more than half of U.S. states have introduced or enacted menopause-related legislation, and in 2025 alone, more than 20 bills were introduced addressing menopause education, workplace awareness, clinician training, accommodations, and access to care.

That tells me something important.

Organizations are beginning to realize that menopause isn't simply a private health matter. It has become part of a broader conversation about workforce sustainability, employee well-being, and retaining experienced talent.

The good news is that leaders don't need to become menopause experts.

They simply need to become better listeners.

One of the greatest mistakes we make as leaders is assuming we know why someone's performance has changed.

One of the greatest strengths we can develop is curiosity.

Instead of asking,

"What's wrong with her?"

Try asking,

"I've noticed you don't seem like yourself lately. Is there anything you need to be successful?"

That single question changes everything.

It shifts the conversation from judgment to support. From assumptions to understanding. From performance management to people leadership.

Organizations don't need complicated programs to get started. They can begin by:

• educating managers about common midlife transitions,
• reviewing workplace policies through the lens of flexibility and inclusion,
• equipping leaders to have supportive conversations, and
• creating a culture where employees don't feel they have to hide what they're experiencing.

These aren't just menopause initiatives-they're hallmarks of good leadership.

Leadership has never been measured by how we manage people on their best days. It's measured by how we support them through life's inevitable transitions.

That day in my car changed more than my understanding of perimenopause. It changed the way I think about leadership.

Today, when I work with leaders, I encourage them to replace assumptions with curiosity because the conversation you've never been taught to have may be the one that keeps your most experienced employees engaged, your culture stronger, and your workplace more human.

Sometimes the most powerful thing a leader can say isn't, "Here's the solution."

It's simply,

"Help me understand."

That one question has the power to open dialogue, strengthen relationships, and uncover challenges that might otherwise remain hidden. It may begin with a conversation about perimenopause or menopause, but it ends with something much bigger: a workplace where people feel seen, supported, and safe enough to bring their whole selves to work.

And that's simply good leadership.