Pamela Donaldson

I would say spitefulness, honestly. I was that rebel child, that rebel teen, and until I got into the military, I was thriving on being difficult. But it was only because I wanted attention, and any attention was good. What made me successful is finally understanding what my mom was saying - I had to be in my 20s to get it. Then remembering some of the gems I learned in training through college or the military. And good leaders, in particular good women leaders, and in particular good Black women leaders - those are the ones that really shaped me. But I have to remember that there was a foundation that they built from, and I was that foundation.

I have a few pieces that have stuck with me. From the Army, my drill sergeants used to say lead by example, and don't have your people do anything that you wouldn't do. Those things are foundational. Then from Bossy Pants, there's a great quote at the beginning that says hire good people and get out their way. And the last one I'll share is don't block - Bill not block. These have all shaped how I approach leadership.

First, believe in yourself, because that's an inside job. Too often women look to others to make us feel like we are on the right track, and then we take their opinions so to heart that we don't believe in our own instinct. Second, stop apologizing. You don't mean you're sorry for interrupting, you don't mean you're sorry for stating your opinion. You just want to get that into the room or on the table. I remember interviewing someone, a young person from Howard, and I took my interview hat off and told her you don't need to say 'does that make sense' or 'you know, no offense.' Those are the things I wish people would have snatched me up and said to me early on in my career, because often I gave it away. I gave my power away, I gave my beliefs and instincts away. I'm 50 now and I'm feeling a bit more secure. So believe in yourself - that's what I would say first. And invest in your own growth. Don't wait for other people to invest in you.

The biggest challenge is the backlash against DEI. Organizations and boards that are committed to that work can get past the threat, but I'm always looking at whether we're still committed to the work, to dismantling inequities. Those things keep me up at night, but right now we're in good shape. The other challenge is being a woman in leadership, and that often people don't realize what undermining looks like and what interruptions look like. Why is it that when a woman expresses something that she sees, you see it as emotional? I'm actually giving you strategy. There was something I read about how women are not heard as strategic thinkers. We're heard as being emotional or it's pushed toward the administrative. I remember I had done this whole new internal programming strategy with a menu of services, and my CO thanked me for the way I prepared copies. By saying copies, you make this into an administrative thing, and I'm your senior director. So I said, just to redirect, this is not just copies. This is my thinking and this is strategy. And when I talk to some men, they immediately start multitasking. I've started saying, do I have your attention? I'm at a point in my career where apologies are just words - I want changed behavior. I am listening and watching for you to show me that you meant what you said. And the last thing I'll say is, what's worth your energy? Is it worth my energy and my peace? That's where I am right now. Heart disease is taking us out of here. I just don't want to give too much of my health and time and energy to support things that don't pour back into me.

Trustworthiness is the biggest one. I was watching a TED talk, and it really blew my mind. It said that trust is an impact of trustworthiness, and in order to be trustworthy, you need to be competent, honest, and transparent. For me, I'm at my best when I can be honest and transparent and trustworthy. I have also learned that sometimes you could do all the right things and people still will not like you. And you have to sometimes pour into the people who want you to pour into them, and I had to learn that the hard way.