Shanon Starkey

I attribute my success to leaning into the pain of what I was walking through and recognizing that was giving me my purpose. I had to find out who I was beyond all the labels people put on me - alcoholic, survivor, victim. I held fast and listened to what God had put on my heart. He brought me through a lot of things I never was supposed to survive. I learned that the more selfish I am, the more selfless I can be, because if I'm taking care of my mental health and emotional wellbeing and really knowing who I was, that was the biggest chunk that was missing. I've been very strategic about where I place my alignments, and I don't pour from an empty cup. I have boundaries and capacities, and if I don't have it, I don't push myself to that point. Without knowing who I was, I didn't know where I was going, so I had to sit and really figure that out first.

The biggest challenges I see are the second chance stigma that's very huge here in East Texas. Organizations say they're second chance employers and do this and that, but in my own walk finding housing and employment, even with a business degree, when we get into the room and have the conversation, it's 'we wish you the best.' I've had to sit at tables that were very hard to set up to have conversations with people in high places just to bring a realistic standpoint that we're all affected by substance somehow, we're all affected by mental health. Texas has some of the higher suicide rates in our veteran community, with females being at the top of that, and substance abuse is huge. The challenge is that as women, we don't show up for ourselves - we take care of everybody else around us and have a saving complex. But who's coming in to help save us? There's also a lack of awareness about what's on the other side of military culture, and people don't recognize the realities of what veterans face. The opportunity is in creating spaces where women can be met where they are, not just told it's going to be okay, but actually supported tangibly in their struggles.

The most important values to me are authenticity and meeting people where they are. I wanted someone to meet me where I was at, not just tell me it's going to be okay with powerful language, because some days it's not okay, and that is okay. I had to refocus how I aligned myself with my community - instead of forcing something or telling somebody what they should or could do, I became a sounding board. It's never about me. I show up tangibly, not just at organizational things or community outreaches, but being in the same circles as people who sleep under bridges or are in the bar or call me at 2:30 in the morning. I have boundaries and capacities, and I don't pour from an empty cup. I'm very strategic about where I place my alignments. Legacy is also huge to me - as a mom, I feel we're responsible for guiding our children in the best ways that we know how, even when we've messed up. I want my daughter to know who I am and who I was from my side, not just what the world painted.