Sharon Rolph

Incipient

Incipient is my newest favorite word. It means emerging, developing, budding, or embryonic. I used it at my 70th birthday celebration to talk about no longer wanting to be invisible.

As a middle child, being invisible seemed to come with the territory. Don’t rock the boat. Don’t make waves. Get good grades and stay out of trouble.

But this past year, I started declaring that being invisible was no longer acceptable. I reflected on how being on stage over the years had actually brought some wonderful experiences and positive results. They were moments I enjoyed remembering.

So I thought, Why not create more of those moments—on purpose?

As Baby Boomers navigate the ongoing process of reinventing retirement, I want to challenge my generation to set a new standard and pay it forward to those who come after us. Let’s become unwilling to accept a world where anyone lives in isolation.

In retirement, it is too easy to become isolated.

Perhaps this is something that could become incipient with us—a new movement, a new way of thinking. We know that seniors who socialize are happier, so let us be the ones to extend a hand first. Offer a smile. Share a cup of coffee. Spend an hour listening to someone's stories, lessons learned, and even a little bragging about themselves or their grandchildren.

Over the past year, I have also begun conducting workshops titled What Do I Want to Do in Retirement? Connecting with Purpose in Retirement. In the process, I have become a collector of resources, ideas, and tools that I share with participants through workshop handouts.

The logical place to offer these workshops was at senior centers, church classes, and community club meetings. Through conversations with senior centers, I learned that many are actively working to combat isolation and depression.

(Oh yes, my dad dealt with that too, especially as his health declined.)

Isolation often becomes especially difficult after the loss of a spouse. Daily routines, habits, responsibilities, companionship, and caregiving roles change dramatically. Suddenly, life requires tremendous adjustment. People must learn new skills, prepare meals for one, manage household responsibilities alone, and, perhaps most importantly, prioritize self-care.

When I look up synonyms for isolation in my thesaurus, I find words such as separation, remoteness, loneliness, seclusion, and inaccessibility.

Those words bring to mind many situations that make isolation feel even larger. I think of people living in rural communities, adults without close family connections, those who have never married, and seniors who seem deserted, abandoned, or forgotten.

My mother taught me that doing something kind for someone else also makes us feel better.

A Chinese proverb says:

"A bit of fragrance clings to the hand that gives flowers."

The Danish say:

"The road to a friend's house is never long."

An Assyrian proverb reminds us:

"Tell me your friends, and I'll tell you who you are."

And perhaps especially true is this quote from Arnold Bennett:

"You will make more friends in a week by becoming interested in other people than you can in a year by trying to get people interested in you."

Finally, C. D. Prentice wrote:

"A single real friend is worth more than gold or precious stones."

Baby Boomers can make a difference. We can help establish a higher standard in America for how we care for and connect with our elders. We can start an incipient movement that makes life better for everyone in the years ahead.

And life becomes richer because of it.

Senior centers are wonderful places to continue learning, sharing meals, celebrating, and laughing together. They help us build community, maintain perspective, and often contribute to healthier, longer lives.

Everyone is welcome.

I am an introvert, and investing time in friendships has not always been a priority for me. That is something I need to change.

I think I am making progress.

Six months ago, I started a local Meetup group. We discuss reinventing retirement and finding purpose and meaning now that many of us no longer have a job title defining our days.

What I have discovered is that the sense of community created during our weekly meetings seems just as important as the discussion itself.

Our self-care and life balance are better because of it.

Life requires significant adjustment when there is no longer a team, task list, or workplace structure guiding our days. Let’s move forward together by making healthy choices and building meaningful connections.

Upcoming Workshop

What Do I Want to Do in Retirement? Connecting with Purpose in Retirement

This workshop is designed for Baby Boomers who are still working and preparing for the next chapter of life.

Date: Tuesday, March 27

Time: 6:30 PM

Location: Edmonds Library

650 Main Street

Edmonds, WA 98020

After you have completed your financial planning for retirement, do not forget your time-freedom planning as well.

You will be glad you did.