Are you speaking their love language - or YOURS?
A simple hack to transform your relationships
Ever heard of the five languages of love by Gary Chapman? It's Valentine's day today and I'm reminded of the hack that has transformed my relationships.
Everyone expresses their love differently, the question is are you able to notice how they love and receive it?
Once you see it, you cannot un see it.
The five languages of love is a framework that explains that everyone gives and receives love in one of five main ways:
Physical touch: These are the huggers. The people who show they love you by giving you a hug, putting a hand on your shoulder, a kiss. They use touch as a form of connecting with their loved ones.
- Receiving gifts: These are the people that come up with the most thoughtful and creative gifts, and love receiving them too. These gifts are not about how expensive something is but rather how it expresses how well you know and love a person.
- Words of affirmation: These are the people who give compliments freely, and love receiving them too. They find connection through pointing out something positive and nice in the other people, and feel appreciated when they hear something nice about themselves.
- Acts of service: These are the people that might say " your words don't matter as much, it's your actions that count". They express love by going out of their way to help someone with something they need: a simple chore like doing the laundry, help with an administrative task that feels overwhelming, or an errand. These people feel loved and appreciated when you help them with something that they need help with.
- Quality time: These are the people that don't need anything from you, other than your time. These people give and receive love by spending time with you with your full presence and value when you make time for that.
So, now that you know the five languages, do you know which one you are? If not, there are free online quizzes you can take to find out.
Once you know yours, can you begin mapping out what your nearest and dearest love ones might have as their dominant love language? This goes beyond romantic relationships, and can help transform your relationship with your child, parent, sibling, friends, and beyond.
Here are five easy steps to help improve your relationships:
- Identify your own love language, how do you express love, how do you show someone you care for them?
- Now identify the people around you who have the same love language as you, these relationships probably feel effortless and fluid because they are constantly expressing their love in a way that you are able to understand and receive without thinking about it.
- Now identify the people you love dearly but they have a different love language than you, you love them so much but some times feel hurt because they don't express their love to you, or you are unable to give them what they crave.
- Now that you know this about their love language, what is one small thing you can try from the love languages above that you can try on them once a week? For example, if it's gifts, can you get them something thoughtful? If it's words of affirmations, can you give them a compliment this week?
- Try speaking their love language at least once per week, and notice what happens in the relationship
