Are You Giving Feedback—or Just Your Opinion?

Are You Giving Feedback—or Just Your Opinion?

Helping someone grow takes more than telling them what you think.

Not every opinion deserves to be called feedback. And not every uncomfortable truth deserves to be dismissed as someone's opinion.

There. I said it.

"You're too outspoken."

"You need to be more confident."

"You're intimidating."

"You need to demonstrate more leadership."

Okay.

Are we developing people or handing out personality reviews nobody asked for?

If we're telling someone they need to improve, shouldn't we be able to explain what that improvement looks like?

There's a difference between saying, "You're difficult to work with," and identifying a specific behavior, explaining its impact, and offering a path forward.

One labels the person. The other gives them something they can actually work on.

Direct doesn't have to mean vague. And honest doesn't have to mean careless.

But Before We Start Applauding Ourselves, There's Another Side to This Conversation.

Sometimes the feedback we dismiss as someone's opinion is exactly what we needed to hear.

Ouch.

Personally, I prefer uncomfortable feedback with supporting documentation, three references, and perhaps a small dessert.

Unfortunately, growth doesn't always accommodate my preferences.

Intent and Impact Aren't Always the Same Thing.

We may intend to sound confident but come across as dismissive. We may think we're being efficient while others experience us as abrupt.

That doesn't make every perception accurate. But it doesn't automatically make it worthless, either.

So perhaps instead of immediately defending ourselves, we should ask:

• "Can you give me an example?"
• "What could I do differently?"

And leaders, we have questions to ask ourselves, too.

Are we coaching people toward meaningful expectations—or simply encouraging them to become more like us?

Because personal preferences aren't automatically professional standards.

What one person calls assertive, another may call aggressive. What one manager sees as independence, another may see as a lack of collaboration.

That's why feedback needs context, fairness, and clarity.

And employees? We can't ask for development while rejecting every observation that makes us uncomfortable.

Apparently, our egos aren't qualified to serve as our personal legal counsel.

Who knew?

Feedback Is Information, Not a Verdict.

We can listen without automatically agreeing. We can question without becoming defensive. And we can recognize that something uncomfortable might still be useful.

Before offering feedback, ask yourself:

• Can I identify the behavior?
• Can I explain its impact?
• Can I describe what improvement looks like?

And before dismissing feedback, ask:

- Is this inaccurate—or is it simply uncomfortable to hear?

Because an opinion tells someone what you think.

Useful feedback helps them understand what they can do with that information.

So here's my final question:

Am I helping this person grow—or simply asking them to see themselves through my eyes?

Still learning. Still questioning. And occasionally asking for Exhibit A.

— KDS