Be the Leader You Needed: Leading with Awareness, Inclusion, and Intent
Lead with the awareness that your experiences have given you, and create the supportive environment you wished you'd had.
Be the Leader You Needed
I didn’t set out to become the kind of leader people remember.
I set out to avoid becoming the kind of leader I struggled to work for.
Early in my career, I experienced leadership that felt distant, dismissive, and disconnected from the people doing the work. Decisions were made without context. Feedback was limited—unless something went wrong. And voices, especially those of people who thought differently, often went unheard.
Two moments, in particular, shaped how I lead today.
When I Was Told to “Add More Fluff”
I once received feedback from a senior female leader that my emails were “too direct.”
I got straight to the point—what I needed from someone or what I was providing to support their success. To me, that was efficient and respectful of people’s time. But I was told to soften my approach, to add more personal touches and more cushioning—what I considered unnecessary “fluff.”
I understood the intent, but it also highlighted something I would come to recognize more clearly over time: as women, there is often an unspoken expectation to carefully manage how we show up, balancing clarity with likability and directness with approachability in ways our male counterparts are not always expected to.
So I adjusted. I did what was expected. But even then, I knew something didn’t feel right.
Today, we live in a different reality. People are overwhelmed by long emails and endless message threads. They don’t want more words—they want clarity. They want you to get to the point.
That experience stayed with me. It reinforced something important: leadership expectations do not always keep pace with what actually works, and sometimes they reflect standards we do not even realize we are holding onto.
When I Wasn’t Seen
In another situation, I was in a project meeting led by a male colleague, despite the fact that I was the subject matter expert.
When questions came up, the project manager directed them to my male boss, who did not have the context to answer. When he couldn’t respond, I stepped in.
Still, the next question went right back to him.
What impacted me most wasn’t just the behavior—it was the silence.
There was an opportunity for my boss to redirect the conversation, acknowledge where the expertise sat, and reinforce my voice. Instead, the moment passed without acknowledgment.
And that made something very clear: sometimes being the expert isn’t enough—you also have to be recognized as one.
The Leadership Decision
What stood out to me across these experiences was not any one person. It was recognizing the subtle dynamics that shape whose voices are heard, how we are expected to show up, and what leadership looks like.
These are the moments many women navigate quietly. More often than not, they are also the moments that shape how we choose to lead differently.
Those experiences weren’t just frustrating—they were defining. They made something very clear: leadership isn’t just about how you show up; it’s about how you show up for others, especially in the moments that matter.
So I made a decision. I would be approachable. I would be aware. And I would ensure that people are seen, heard, and respected.
What Leadership Means to Me Now
Leadership isn’t about authority—it’s about impact.
It’s about creating an environment where:
- People feel comfortable speaking up.
- Expertise is recognized, regardless of title.
- Communication is clear, not overcomplicated.
- Respect is demonstrated, not assumed.
Being approachable doesn’t mean lowering expectations. It means building trust. It means listening, advocating when it matters, and intentionally creating space for others.
Because when people feel seen and heard, they engage differently. And that changes everything.
What I’ve Learned
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: people don’t need you to have all the answers—they need you to create an environment where their contributions matter.
That means:
- Advocating for the right person in the moment.
- Respecting people’s time and communication preferences.
- Addressing what others ignore.
A Message to Anyone Finding Their Voice
If you’ve ever felt overlooked or unheard, know this:
Those experiences are not setbacks. They are insight.
They shape your awareness of what leadership should be—and what it should never become.
For many of us, the path to leadership isn’t just about capability. It is about navigating expectations we did not create. And that is exactly why it is so important to lead differently for those who come next.
That awareness is a strength.
You do not have to wait to become the leader you needed. That choice can be made right now.
And when it is, it won’t just change your path—it will change how others experience leadership altogether.
Be the leader you needed—because someone else is waiting for exactly that.
