Finding my Voice in a New Beginning
A Journey of Healing, Faith, and Rediscovering Your Worth Beyond Divorce
I had someone ask me why I wrote a book about my divorce.
I didn't write a book about my divorce.
I wrote a book about my healing, my journey, my faith, and my surrender to beginning again.
Too often, divorce is swept under the rug and dismissed as “they didn't try hard enough” or “they grew in different directions.”
Too often, divorce is laughed about on TV shows or in movies. It's not funny.
I felt broken, and I needed healing. I felt like I wasn’t enough, and I needed to figure out that I was. I felt afraid of making a change and afraid of what that change meant to those around me, but I needed to realize that change isn’t always for the worst.
Every time my ex cheated, I shrank. I couldn’t figure out how to fix my marriage, and I couldn’t figure out how to make him happy. So, at first, I decided to be quiet. I wouldn’t talk about problems in my marriage. I would post pictures of good times. I wouldn’t complain to friends. I would sing praises about my marriage on social media.
I thought if I could “fix” my marriage with duct tape and social media posts—with vacations and date nights, with trips and family time—I would never have to tell anyone.
I found out that “pretending” and “creating” a story for family and friends was exhausting. At times, I would deflect my pain and become so angry over the simplest things. I would explode, and I would be treated like I was mean or “having an emotional moment” that was blamed on menopause or hormones.
Then I realized all the duct tape and calendar time would not fix what was wrong. I needed to be honest. I needed to be real. I needed to walk away.
After we told our family, I told my friends. They became a huge source of support and love. I also found a great therapist. She has helped me through all of the peaks and valleys of the first year.
AND I wanted to write. It’s always been a source of comfort for me. At first, I took notes on my phone, but I quickly found out that writing about what you are feeling without any guidance can feel repetitive. I was writing about the same feelings over and over. Sometimes, I had too many thoughts swirling in my head to even know what I was thinking.
When I couldn’t find the journal I wanted, I decided to create it. I wanted a journal that understood what I was going through. I wanted a journal to add my personal reflections. I wanted a journal that could keep my mind busy with something “mindless,” like coloring. I wanted a journal that was faith-based because I was leaning on my faith more than ever. I also wanted a journal that lasted long enough for my healing to begin. A year is a start.
