How I did it.
From Survival to Strength: Overcoming Abuse with Resilience and Determination
Life is not always easy for everybody. Not always have even I been successful. In the darkest moments of my life, I had to finally come to terms with the truth.
On that particular day of that particular year, which was supposed to be a day of national celebration, our marriage had reached its culminating point in calamity and I finally had to overcome my shame and embarrassment and admit it not only to myself. I, the medical director of three Pediatric Emergency Departments, I had even been their creator, they had been amongst the first in the United States belonging to one of the most prestigious Children's Hospitals in the United States, and I, a successful and legal immigrant, female, intelligent, versatile and capable of just about anything I wanted to do, considered gifted, I had just about been beaten to death.
My back was black and blue, so felt my ego and I seemed out of my mind. And even though I was sad to no end there was no time for self-pity as I had yet responsibilities to fulfill. I knew of nobody to trust, I was alone in this country and I had a business to serve. I had my two pre-adolescent school age children to take care of and appear the next day at work as if nothing had ever happened.
First things first, I thought to myself, and how can I make myself survive? I was in incredible physical pain also, so I took some pain medication (NSAIDs) in order to maintain my clear head and I literally sat myself down in a quiet corner. I figuratively spoke to myself about my abilities and my willpower and I gave myself a big self-boost. In my head, I created a to-do list, always putting the safety of my children first.
I looked up a therapist and I asked her to take pictures of my injuries to serve as a timely witness later on. Coming from the medical field certainly did not hurt me. Next, I called the fellow in child abuse who trained me and my colleagues-in-training. I swallowed my pride and everything that came with it and I told her my true story, including what had happened to my children and I asked her, if she knew a good lawyer. Of course, she did and she asked if I and my children were safe. I did not know that we were.
So, the next step of the plan was created. My then husband was to go on a business trip within the next day or so, for which reason we waited until then to change the locks and keys to the house and I then fled with my children. To them I said that we were going on vacation, my boss I told I needed to have a leave of absence for emergent reasons and I told him the truth also for protection purposes.
While my children finally had their 'Mommy' all to themselves and were splashing in the waters of a nearby waterpark, I made my necessary phone calls to the lawyer and others and worked on refining my plan of separation from my then husband, splitting up our household and returning back to work while maintaining my sanity and normalcy for my children. But the main goal for me was normalcy, safety and continuity of levelheadedness, and I did so with will power while performing with excellence, belief and faith in myself while telling me over and over again; "I can do this"! There certainly was nobody else that would have instead.
Summary
How I did it:
- I had to come to terms with the truth.
- I overcame shame and embarrassment and admit the calamity not only to yourself but also to others that might be able to help you.
- I had a distinct will to survive.
- Bad things can happen to even good people.
- Abuse happens to more successful females than one thinks. It is not a sign of weakness.
- When bad things happen, created witnesses (pictures, people).
- When other bad things happen, make a survival plan.
- Speak to yourself about your abilities and your willpower and make yourself emotionally and physically feel good and give yourself a tremendous self-boost.
- Swallow your pride.
- Self-pity has no place here.
- Hurdles are there to be overcome!
- Create a to-do list.
- Lawyer up, if need be, for your safety.
- Maintain normalcy, safety, and continuity of levelheadedness while continuing to believe and having faith in your will power.
- And despite it all, never forget to perform with excellence while telling yourself: I can do this.
