I Feared I Couldn't Love Another
How motherhood taught me that love doesn't divide—it multiplies.
Oh, how I love them so.
Each one of them.
I still remember the fear I felt when my first child stepped onto the stage of my life. I looked at her in complete awe, captivated by this beautiful little creature resting in my hands. But alongside the overwhelming love came another emotion I didn’t expect — fear.
I wondered if I had the capacity to love anyone beyond her.
Before motherhood, I always imagined myself having at least two children. But now, holding this precious gift so close, I questioned myself. Would I somehow favor her over future children? Would they feel less loved because she was first? The thought disturbed me because I never wanted any of my children to taste the bitter fruit of favoritism.
But slowly, something beautiful began to happen.
As I cared for her, nurtured her, and watched her slowly begin her own tiny journey toward independence, I noticed my heart doing something I never anticipated — it expanded.
Not in the dangerous sense of an enlarged heart, but in a miraculous and unexplainable way. My love stretched beyond what I thought was emotionally possible.
And when child number two began growing inside me, so did my capacity to love.
By the time she arrived, my heart had already made room for her. The ability to embrace her fully was already there, waiting with anticipation. I didn’t have to divide love between them. Love multiplied on its own.
To my surprise, that expansion didn’t stop at two.
Not three.
But four.
Now our little family feels as though it is bursting at the seams with more love than we ever knew existed. Sometimes, I jokingly feel as if we’ve consumed all the love available in the world — but even that thought quickly reveals itself to be impossible.
Because love has no cap.
It stretches beyond our understanding. It makes room where we thought there was none. It teaches us that the heart was never designed to operate within the limits we place upon it.
Each child did not take a portion of my love away from the others. Instead, each child introduced me to a deeper dimension of love I had never experienced before.
Motherhood taught me something powerful:
Love is not a pie to be divided.
Love is a well that continues to rise.
And somehow, with every child, my heart keeps discovering there is still more to give.
