If the Women in the Room Don't Want to See Me Win, I'll Change Rooms

If the Women in the Room Don't Want to See You Win, Change Rooms

By Augusta Renee Wood

I've heard women say, "I don't really have female friends. I just don't get along with women."

And every time I hear it, I realize how vastly different our experiences must be, because I cannot relate.

I love women.

I love the women I'm surrounded by. I love their ambition, their intelligence, their humor, their resilience, their tenderness, and even their occasional stubbornness. I love watching them accomplish things they once only dreamed about. I love hearing their good news, celebrating their promotions, supporting their businesses, and witnessing them become increasingly confident in who they are.

Some of the greatest blessings in my life have come in the form of other women.

Women who have encouraged me when I questioned myself. Women who have challenged me when I needed to grow. Women who have celebrated my accomplishments without quietly comparing them to their own.

Women who have spoken life into me.

And perhaps most importantly, women who have spoken my name in rooms my feet had never entered.

There is something beautiful about that.

To know that somewhere, in a conversation you weren't part of, someone thought enough of you to recommend you. To advocate for you. To tell someone about your work, your character, your potential. To make sure your name was considered for an opportunity you didn't even know existed.

There is a particular kind of love in being celebrated in your absence.

And I have been fortunate enough to experience it repeatedly.

Sisterhood Is Not a Competition

Somewhere along the way, we normalized the idea that women are inherently competitive with one another. That our friendships are complicated by jealousy, comparison, resentment, or the unspoken belief that another woman's success somehow diminishes our own.

I reject that idea entirely.

Another woman's beauty does not diminish mine. Her intelligence does not make me less capable. Her promotion does not take away my opportunity. Her success is not evidence of my failure.

There is room for all of us.

And the women in my life understand that.

They are accomplished, thoughtful, ambitious women who have built careers, raised families, overcome adversity, and created opportunities for themselves and others. They have their own dreams, their own responsibilities, and their own challenges.

Yet they still find time to show up for one another.

They understand that genuine friendship is not measured by how much attention someone gives you when everything is going well. Sometimes it is measured by who checks on you when you're overwhelmed, who tells you the truth when you're wrong, and who reminds you of your worth when life has temporarily made you forget it.

The women in my circle uplift me and hold me down at the same time.

They encourage me to reach higher while keeping me grounded in who I am. They celebrate my growth without allowing me to lose sight of my values. They love me enough to support my decisions and respect me enough to challenge them.

That balance is invaluable.

The Women Who Open Doors

As I've grown personally and professionally, I've come to understand that one of the most meaningful expressions of sisterhood is advocacy.

Not simply being kind to another woman when she's standing in front of you, but speaking well of her when she isn't.

Recommending her for the position.

Sharing the opportunity.

Making the introduction.

Mentioning her name when someone asks if you know a capable person who could lead a project, serve on a board, manage an organization, or contribute something meaningful.

Sometimes the most consequential thing one woman can do for another is say, "I know exactly who you should call."

I've been on the receiving end of that generosity.

I've had women recognize potential in me before I fully recognized it in myself. Women who encouraged me to pursue opportunities I might otherwise have dismissed. Women who believed I belonged in spaces I was still learning how to navigate.

And I want to be very clear about something: I do not take credit for walking through doors without acknowledging the women who helped open them.

There are opportunities I've received because another woman thought enough of me to speak my name.

That is not something I will ever take lightly.

It has also shaped the kind of woman I want to be.

I want to be the woman who makes the introduction without expecting something in return. The woman who shares information instead of treating it like a closely guarded secret. The woman who recommends someone else for an opportunity because she genuinely believes that person would excel.

I want the women around me to know that their names are safe in my mouth, whether they are present or not.

Because sisterhood isn't just about what we say to each other. It's about what we say about each other when no one is listening.

Birds of a Feather

We've all heard the saying, "Birds of a feather flock together."

I've come to appreciate that expression more as I've gotten older.

Not because I believe everyone in my circle needs to think like me, agree with me, or share my exact ambitions. Quite the opposite. Some of the women I admire most have perspectives, personalities, and experiences very different from my own.

But we share something more important: values.

We believe in integrity. We believe in accountability. We believe in kindness that doesn't require an audience. We believe that a woman's accomplishments deserve to be celebrated, not scrutinized for reasons to diminish them.

And we believe that friendship should be a place of safety, not a source of unnecessary anxiety.

I have no desire to sit in rooms where women smile in each other's faces while quietly rooting for one another's downfall.

I have no interest in relationships built on gossip, manipulation, resentment, or the constant need to establish who is doing better.

Life is complicated enough without turning friendship into another battlefield.

If I ever sense that the women in a room have malicious intentions toward one another, I change rooms.

Not because I believe I'm better than anyone there. Not because I expect every relationship to be perfect. But because I have experienced what genuine sisterhood feels like, and I have no desire to settle for its opposite.

I've learned that protecting your peace sometimes means being intentional about the company you keep.

And I would much rather be surrounded by a few women who genuinely love and respect one another than sit at a crowded table where everyone is secretly keeping score.

Sisterhood Requires More Than Celebration

I also think it's important to acknowledge that genuine sisterhood isn't always comfortable.

The women who love me most are not necessarily the women who agree with everything I say.

Some of the most valuable conversations I've ever had were with women who cared enough about me to tell me something I didn't want to hear.

Women who challenged my perspective.

Women who reminded me to extend grace when I was frustrated.

Women who told me when I needed to reconsider a decision, apologize, or approach a situation differently.

And because I trust their intentions, I can receive those conversations as expressions of love rather than personal attacks.

That's what makes the difference.

Accountability without affection can feel like criticism. Affection without accountability can become enabling.

But when both exist together, they create the conditions for genuine growth.

I want women around me who will celebrate my accomplishments enthusiastically and still tell me when I'm wrong.

Women who don't confuse loyalty with blind agreement.

Women who understand that supporting someone sometimes means helping them become more self-aware, more compassionate, and more responsible.

And I owe them that same honesty in return.

Sisterhood is not simply finding women who make you feel good about yourself.

It is building relationships with women who genuinely want you to become the best version of yourself.

We Should Be Each Other's Good News

One of my favorite things about the women in my life is how genuinely excited we get for one another.

A new business. A promotion. An engagement. A degree. A personal milestone. A long-awaited opportunity.

We celebrate.

Not politely. Not reluctantly. Not with a compliment followed by a comparison.

We celebrate because we understand what it takes to accomplish something meaningful.

We know that behind many of those victories are years of sacrifice, self-doubt, hard work, disappointment, and perseverance.

And sometimes, when a woman finally receives the recognition she deserves, what she needs most is another woman who understands the journey well enough to celebrate the moment without reservation.

I want to be that woman.

I want to be the friend who answers the phone excited about your good news. The woman who shares your accomplishments even when you haven't asked her to. The one who reminds you how far you've come when you're so focused on your next goal that you've forgotten to appreciate the last one.

Because the truth is, we will all experience seasons when life is difficult.

There will be moments when our confidence falters, our plans change, or our responsibilities feel overwhelming.

And during those seasons, the women around us can make an extraordinary difference.

Sometimes they provide advice. Sometimes they provide resources. Sometimes they help us see a solution we couldn't recognize on our own.

And sometimes they simply remind us that we don't have to carry everything alone.

That, to me, is one of the greatest gifts of sisterhood.

The Kind of Woman I Hope to Be

As I reflect on the women who have influenced my life, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

I think about the women who have mentored me, encouraged me, corrected me, prayed for me, advocated for me, and celebrated me.

Some have been part of my life for years. Others entered at exactly the right moment and offered something I didn't even realize I needed.

Each has contributed something meaningful to the woman I am becoming.

And I hope they know how deeply I appreciate them.

I hope they know that when I receive an opportunity, I remember the women who helped me recognize that I was capable of pursuing it.

When I enter a new room, I remember the women who spoke my name before I arrived.

When I experience success, I remember the women who celebrated my potential long before there was an accomplishment to celebrate.

And when I have the opportunity to advocate for another woman, I remember what that generosity has meant in my own life.

I don't want to be the only woman succeeding in my circle.

I want to be surrounded by women whose accomplishments inspire me, whose wisdom challenges me, whose character grounds me, and whose friendship reminds me that there is strength in community.

I want to see my friends win.

I want to see them recognized, respected, compensated fairly, loved well, and given opportunities worthy of their abilities.

And when their names come up in rooms they haven't entered yet, I want to be one of the women speaking on their behalf.

Because that is the kind of sisterhood I have been blessed to experience.

And that is the kind of sisterhood I intend to give back.

A Final Thought

So when I hear someone say they don't get along with other women, I don't judge them. I recognize that their experiences may have been different from mine.

But I also hope they haven't given up on the possibility of finding women who genuinely want the best for them.

Because those women exist.

Women who will celebrate you without competing with you. Women who will correct you without humiliating you. Women who will protect your confidence without encouraging your complacency.

Women who will speak life into you, speak truth to you, and speak your name in rooms your feet have never entered.

I've been fortunate enough to find those women.

And I refuse to take them for granted.

I don't believe I have to be the most extraordinary woman in the room. I just want to be in a room full of extraordinary women who recognize the greatness in one another.

And if I ever find myself in a room where that kind of love, respect, and goodwill doesn't exist?

I'll simply find another room.

Because birds of a feather do flock together.

And I know exactly what kind of women I want to fly with.