Ladies, Let’s Play Nice in the Sandbox
Breaking Free from the Clique Mentality: A Reflection on Female Relationships from Childhood to the Workplace
Remember when you were a kid? It seems like yesterday, right? In many ways, it is. Those childhood feelings can often stay with us longer than we expect. I recall two friends I had in my neighborhood. It seemed like when all three of us were together, somebody went home crying. When there were just two of us, we laughed and got along just fine.
What is it about that dynamic of three that causes us to side with one person and gang up on another? I suppose it’s a combination of jealousy, fear, insecurity, competitiveness, and dominance—normal emotions and characteristics of growing children. But do we grow out of it? Some do, and some don’t.
I’m retired now, but I worked for about 50 years. I babysat at 13, worked at my high school and junior college to help pay tuition, worked as a pharmacy technician in a couple of hospitals and in a home healthcare company, and finally ended up as a data specialist in a large corporation. In several of these jobs, whenever there were multiple women in a group, cliques formed. Yes, there were friendships, but I mean true cliques where exclusion was involved.
What happened in this adult version of three? The same thing that happened in the childhood version—talking behind someone’s back, gossiping, being rude, an unwillingness to help or cooperate, and running to their “mommy” to tell on you (whoops, I mean the manager). The only difference was that I didn’t go home crying. But I did do a lot of self-examination. What was wrong with me? Why was I not liked? How should I handle this? In the end, it occurred to me that it wasn’t me—it was them.
If none of this feels familiar to you, I apologize for taking up your time. If you understand and are experiencing this now, I want to say this: don’t immediately question yourself. Look at the situation in its entirety. Don’t participate in the behavior—it’s not productive or kind. Be yourself. Love yourself, even if you stand alone. It’s worth it.
There is plenty of room for all of us women to succeed. Too often, women are pitted against each other, and historically, systems have contributed to that dynamic. Let’s not continue it ourselves. Here’s your bucket and shovel—let’s have fun together in the sandbox.
