Leaving Was Only the Beginning: Finding My Voice After Domestic Violence

While I was sharing my story, a man stood up and asked, “Didn’t you learn the first time?”

He was questioning why I had left one abusive relationship and later entered another. What he could not see was everything I was still carrying.

For 14 years, someone else controlled much of my life. Money, decisions, friendships, and everyday responsibilities became part of that control. Leaving did not immediately restore my confidence or teach me how to trust my own judgment again.

I was trying to build a life while still living in fear.

That is the part of my story I want people to understand. Walking away was a beginning. There was still so much I needed to learn about safety, boundaries, and who I was allowed to become.

After leaving, I continued working, going to school, raising my children, and showing up for the responsibilities in front of me. From the outside, that might have looked like moving on. Inside, I was often just trying to make it through another day.

For years, I knew how to fight for what mattered. Learning how to live without constantly preparing for the next battle has been harder than I expected.

My faith has sustained me through that uncertainty. I attribute my ability to keep going to God. There were seasons when I could not see what came next, but I kept praying and taking the next step I could manage.

Seeking help became part of that journey. Counseling gave me a place to speak honestly about experiences I had spent years trying to survive. I am still learning, and I want other women to know they do not have to reach some perfect version of healing before they deserve to be heard.

Music and storytelling have also given me a way to speak.

Through Cherokee Rose Music & Motion, I share my experiences through testimony, original songs, and faith-based education. My artist identity, Reine Rose, carries my voice and my story. Her visual appearance is created with AI and is based on how I looked before the abuse. The experiences behind the work are my own.

My work includes Healing Under Fire, a nine-week faith-based survivor course, along with the faith-based web apps Becoming Her and Higher Ground. I also offer a faith-based boundaries course to help survivors understand boundaries and practice making decisions about their own lives.

These projects grow out of questions I have faced myself: What do I need? What am I comfortable with? Can I say no without explaining away my reasons? What might my life look like if I had room to choose?

As a minister and advocate, I believe our response to someone’s story matters. When a woman tells us what she has endured, we have an opportunity to listen with care. We can ask what support she needs. We can respect her choices and make room for her to speak at her own pace.

The question that man asked stayed with me because it placed judgment where I needed understanding. Today, I use my voice to encourage a different response.

I am still learning to live beyond survival. I still have difficult days. But I have a voice, a purpose, and a story I can share on my own terms.

To the woman who is rebuilding: You deserve patience while you learn. You deserve support while you find your footing. Your life is worth caring for, including the parts you have not figured out yet.

You are not alone.