Losing Myself While Climbing the Ladder
How stepping back from relentless ambition became the most courageous decision of my leadership journey.
Sometimes the Bravest Thing a Woman Can Do Is Step Back
For most of my life, I believed success was a simple equation: work hard, say yes to opportunities, keep learning, and eventually you'll reach your goals.
By every outward measure, that formula worked.
I started cleaning hospitals and operating rooms as a teenager. Over the years, I worked my way through healthcare, serving in sterile processing, nursing, leadership, and senior leadership roles. I earned my bachelor's degree while working full-time and raising a family, and then did it again seven years later—with one extra kid in tow—to complete my MBA. I became a surgical services leader responsible for multimillion-dollar operations and hundreds of employees.
From the outside, it looked like a success story.
Inside, it was a different story.
Somewhere along the way, I stopped asking whether I was healthy and only asked whether I was performing.
Like many women, I became exceptionally good at carrying things: responsibilities, expectations, deadlines, and other people's problems. I convinced myself that exhaustion was normal and that stress was simply the price of leadership.
My Body Started Telling a Different Story
At 37 years old, I developed shingles. I battled recurring sinus infections. My energy disappeared. My mood changed. The things that once brought me joy no longer felt like me.
I didn't recognize how much I was struggling because I had become accustomed to functioning at a deficit.
Fortunately, someone else noticed.
A leader I greatly respected pulled me aside and encouraged me to take a leave of absence. At first, I resisted. Stepping away felt like weakness.
Leaders push through.
Leaders figure it out.
Leaders don't need a break.
At least, that's what I had always believed.
What I Learned During Those Weeks Away From Work Changed My Life
For the first time in years, I was quiet enough to hear my own thoughts.
I spent time with my family. I reflected on what mattered. I evaluated the environment I was working in and the person I was becoming within it.
I realized something difficult but important: I wasn't burned out because I was incapable. I was burned out because I had stayed in a situation that no longer aligned with who I wanted to be.
That realization eventually led me to make significant changes in my career. It led me to pursue new opportunities, launch my own consulting business, and step into a leadership role that better aligned with my values and vision for the future.
Ambition Without Boundaries Is Dangerous
The lesson wasn't that ambition is bad.
The lesson was that ambition without boundaries is dangerous.
Women are often encouraged to chase the next title, degree, promotion, or opportunity. Those achievements matter. I'm proud of mine.
But success loses its meaning when you sacrifice your health, your relationships, and your sense of self to achieve it.
Today, I still believe in working hard. I still believe in setting ambitious goals.
But I also believe that the strongest leaders know when to pause, reassess, and choose a different path.
Sometimes the bravest thing a woman can do isn't pushing harder.
Sometimes it's giving herself permission to step back long enough to remember who she is.
