Sleeping with One Eye Open: A Baby Boomer’s Reflections on Modern Love and Tragedy
Examining the cost of mistaking infatuation for love in an age of relationship volatility and hidden danger.
Sleeping with One Eye Open: A Baby Boomer’s Reflections on Modern Love and Tragedy
August 21, 2026
Earlier tonight, I sat staring at my phone screen, reading a news report that has become terrifyingly common in our society: a couple going through a divorce, their lives ending in a horrific murder-suicide. It shook me, but it did not surprise me. It forced me to sit down and pen my thoughts, looking at the state of modern relationships through the lens of a long life and the painful lens of a devastating personal tragedy.
As a Baby Boomer, I cannot help but observe that relationships today—including marriage—are vastly different from the days of our parents or even the early days of my own generation. There is simply too much hurt out there. I am not a relationship expert, and it is not my place to tell anyone how to handle their marriage. I always say that I didn’t lift the people involved and put them on top of each other; they made that decision for themselves. You can lead a horse to water, but you certainly cannot force it to drink.
Yet, from the outside looking in, it seems we have forgotten what true love actually is. Too often, people enter relationships based entirely on a superficial checklist: material wealth, money, good looks, a well-built physique, family history, a sound education, or professional status. In the rural areas of Jamaica where I grew up, we used to see women choose a man simply because he had a bow leg—or a "bandy leg," as we called it. Men, too, seek out their own specific physical ideals, looking for a partner who is buxom or possesses a certain figure.
But what happens when the physical thrill fades? These days, I hardly believe we know the difference between genuine love and transient romantic or sexual desire. We must ask ourselves: Is love still influenced by a higher purpose or religious beliefs? Are we still driven by the traditional call to take a partner, live in harmony, raise children together, and share deeply rooted values? Or have we traded that foundation for temporary infatuation?
I am looking at relationships with entirely fresh, cautious eyes now. My perspective changed forever on July 29, 2025, when my very first grandchild met her demise at the hands of an abusive lover. Her name was Emme-ya, a beautiful name carrying the meaning of light and sparkle. True to her name, her eyes naturally twinkled. She possessed a soft, glowing spirit and constantly shared her smile with the world; you would never catch her with a sad face. She thought she had escaped him. She did everything right; she even had an order of protection. Yet, at just 27 years old, her brilliant light was cut short. It did not save her.
In the wake of such a nightmare, I am left asking: What good is it to commit to a relationship? How can we trust our own people? How can we ever be certain that we are not sleeping with our enemies?
Growing up in Jamaica, the elders of yesteryear always gave us a strict piece of advice for navigating an unpredictable world: Always sleep with one eye open and the other eye closed.
Today, that old country wisdom feels less like a metaphor and more like a requirement for survival in modern romance. Just as in our daily professions, where we can never afford to become complacent, we must remain permanently aware and alert in our personal lives. We cannot drop our guard. Abusive partners are masters of disguise, wrapping control and manipulation in the early, intoxicating blankets of infatuation. By the time the mask slips, the trap is already set.
Love is very much like the stock market—it fluctuates constantly and hardly ever remains steady. The highs can be exhilarating, but the drops can be financially, emotionally, and physically devastating. Because love is inherently volatile, it is urgent that those entering relationships and marriages practice radical honesty with themselves and remain vigilant.
We need to change how we approach commitment. Perhaps mandatory counseling before entering a relationship is a necessary safeguard. We must teach the next generation to value character, safety, and respect over money and physical attributes. We are all in this society together, and until we learn to carry the wisdom of the elders forward—refusing complacency and differentiating the dangerous rush of infatuation from the steady safety of true love—we will keep losing our children to enemies disguised as lovers.
