The Importance of Setting Boundaries as a Woman in High-Emotion Fields
How Setting Professional Boundaries Protects Your Business and Personal Life
Boundaries Are Part of the Business
Owning a business is rewarding.
There is something incredibly satisfying about providing a product or service that people genuinely want or need and being compensated for the value you provide. That is, after all, the point of business: to earn a living, provide for yourself and your family, create experiences, and afford the things that matter to you.
The compensation is part of what distinguishes a business from a hobby.
But like anything rewarding, business ownership comes with challenges. And those challenges are not always the same across industries. Fields such as law and medicine, for example, can be particularly high-emotion environments. People may be dealing with family crises, health concerns, financial uncertainty, or life-changing decisions. Emotions can run high, expectations can become unrealistic, and people can sometimes act out of character.
As women, however, we can face an additional challenge.
Many of the qualities associated with being a good business owner can seem to conflict with the behaviors women are often taught from childhood.
Be giving.
Be nurturing.
Be humble.
Be agreeable.
Be helpful.
Don't make people uncomfortable.
Don't say no.
The problem is that successful business ownership requires us to understand something that can be difficult to learn:
Being kind does not mean being endlessly available.
You Are Allowed to Have Boundaries
Many women become problematically non-confrontational.
We hesitate to set boundaries because we worry about appearing rude, difficult, selfish, or unhelpful.
But you are not required to accept a client's call at 8:00 p.m. on Friday.
You are not required to respond to a client's Facebook message.
You are not required to answer work-related texts while you are having dinner with your family.
And declining to work or communicate outside your established business hours does not make you rude.
It makes you a business owner with boundaries.
People who are not self-employed are generally not expected to be available 24/7, 365 days a year. Neither are you.
But when you own the business, you have to be the person who establishes those expectations.
Make the Boundary Clear From the Beginning
One of the easiest ways to establish boundaries is to communicate them before there is a problem.
For example:
“Hi, thank you for reaching out. My office is open from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m., Monday through Friday. Correspondence received outside of those hours will be returned once I am back in the office. Please do not contact me through social media, as I prefer to keep my personal and professional life separate.”
Simple.
Professional.
Clear.
If you do not provide emergency services, say so.
If your office is closed on weekends and holidays, communicate that.
If you do not handle professional matters through Facebook Messenger, make that clear.
And if certain communication policies are important to your practice, put them in writing.
I have started addressing these expectations from the beginning by including a section about business hours and unapproved communication methods in my client engagement agreement, which clients are required to initial and sign.
The goal isn't to make clients feel restricted.
The goal is to make expectations clear.
Not Everyone Will Like Your Boundaries
Most people will understand.
Some may even appreciate the clarity.
Some may be embarrassed that they contacted you outside your stated hours.
And yes, some people will get upset.
But if someone reacts badly simply because you established a reasonable professional boundary, that tells you something important about the relationship.
Not every client is a good client.
You do not need to keep someone simply because they are willing to pay you.
A client who consistently ignores boundaries, expects special treatment, or believes their needs should always take precedence over your personal life may eventually cost you far more in stress, time, and energy than they contribute financially.
Setting boundaries may cause you to lose some clients.
It can also make room for better ones.
Your Business Should Support Your Life
Of course, you can overextend yourself.
You can answer every call.
Respond to every message.
Work every weekend.
Take every emergency.
Say yes to every request.
And eventually, you may find yourself exhausted, frustrated, resentful, and burned out.
When you are constantly depleted, your work suffers, too.
You provide better service when you are rested.
You make better decisions when you have time to think.
You communicate better when you are not overwhelmed.
And you are more capable of serving others when you have not completely abandoned yourself in the process.
You started your business to build a life—not to create another environment in which you are constantly unavailable to the people you love.
Your business should provide for your family.
It should not consistently take you away from them.
You Can Be Kind and Still Say No
This is perhaps the most important lesson.
It is possible to be feminine while saying no.
It is possible to be giving while maintaining boundaries.
It is possible to be nurturing without becoming everyone's caretaker.
It is possible to be humble without undervaluing yourself.
It is possible to be agreeable without agreeing to everything.
Your kindness does not require unlimited access to your time.
Your compassion does not require you to absorb everyone else's problems.
And your commitment to your clients does not require you to sacrifice your family, health, relationships, or peace.
Your paid services are exactly that: paid services.
People are paying for your expertise, your time, your experience, and the value you provide. They are not purchasing unlimited access to you as a person.
When you own a business, you get to establish how that business operates.
So set the boundaries.
Communicate them clearly.
Put them in writing when appropriate.
Enforce them consistently.
And remember that saying no to someone else's unreasonable expectation may be saying yes to something far more important.
Make sure you are not so busy showing up for your clients that you stop showing up for yourself.
For your children.
For your spouse or partner.
For your friends.
For the life you worked so hard to build.
A successful business should not require you to disappear from your own life.
