The Struggles of Being an Invisible Writer

        In February 2021, I was introduced to a film that was made in 2017 and featured well-known actress Dakota Fanning in the lead role. The film is titled Please Stand By, and it tells the story of an autistic woman named Wendy who runs away from her caregiving facility to submit a Star Trek script she wrote for a writing contest.

After watching the movie on DVD, I was able to connect with the film as someone who identifies as autistic. I wrote a blog post for a nonprofit autism organization known as Verge of Independence Project: Multimedia Autism Advocacy, an organization I work for as a blogger and staff writer. In the post, I described the film as a poetic love letter to the autism community, highlighting what it means to be misunderstood, underestimated, and denied opportunities because you're autistic, as well as the experience of proving people wrong by overcoming obstacles and surpassing expectations.

I recently rewatched the film, and once again, I was able to connect with it, but in a different way this time. This time, it was no longer about being misunderstood and underestimated as an autistic individual. Rather, it was about the struggles and hardships that come with being an invisible writer. I know this to be true because I'm one of those invisible writers.

Towards the end of the movie, there's a monologue that Wendy delivers to one of the staff members at Paramount Pictures about the complexities of writing. She says, “Do you know how hard it is to write something? All the thinking and planning and re-writing of everything you already wrote for somebody else to read? All the nights and days spent thinking?” She continues, “Thinking about the right words to say...thinking about the best way to say them? Because the story you wanna tell means so much to you? All those people that wrote those scripts, somebody's going to read them. And I just want a chance! Just like everyone else got!”

This monologue represents every writer who has ever poured their heart into a piece of writing and given it everything they had, only to have it rejected in the end. As a writer, I spent the past five months this year writing essays and short stories, hoping to eventually get published on a public platform. In the past, I've received multiple emails informing me that the essays I wrote had been declined for publication, and it was hard for me to deal with those rejections. Since January 7, I've spent almost every day either writing an essay or working on a short story so I can submit my work online on time. I spent days and weeks burning myself out to write stories and essays that matter to me. Having so many of my essays rejected made me feel like a failure and made me feel as though I'd been wasting my time. There were times when I felt tempted to give up writing because I wondered what the point was if my voice, creativity, imagination, and hard work were going to be pushed aside and rejected.

There are plenty of other writers who can relate to this feeling because they've written books, sent them to literary agents, and received rejection emails in return. When you're rejected as a writer, it can be a huge blow to your confidence because it can make you feel as though you don't belong as a writer. It makes you feel as though your voice is being ignored, and when your voice is being ignored, it can make you feel invisible. There are plenty of aspiring writers right now who feel invisible because all their hard work is getting them nowhere. These past several weeks have made me feel like an invisible writer because the hard work I've put into writing doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. Sometimes, if you've been rejected enough, you can feel like you're writing into thin air. I'm sure there are plenty of aspiring writers who have been rejected so many times that they feel the same way.

Those are the struggles and hardships that come with being an invisible writer, and rewatching Please Stand By helped me realize how complex the writing process can be. Rewatching the mailroom scene in which Wendy delivers her monologue helped me understand the writing process on a deeper level. Wendy took a chance on herself, took a chance on a writing opportunity, and pursued her dream of becoming a writer by writing a script and embarking on a road trip to submit her story in time for the Star Trek writing contest. She put herself through a lot just so she could have a chance of being selected for publication.

Many aspiring writers take chances on themselves and their dreams just so they can have a chance of being published. I've spent more than five months taking a chance on myself by continuing to write essays and short stories in the hope that one day they'll be selected for publication. All I want is a chance...just like everyone else.

There are plenty of writers whose work has been published online or in books, so why can't that be me? Why shouldn't I be able to have my short stories and essays selected for publication? Most importantly, when will it be my turn? When will I stop feeling invisible?

Those are the most important questions that many aspiring writers ask themselves, especially after having their stories rejected. When will it be their turn? When will they stop feeling invisible?

The important thing about writing is that whenever you're creating a story, writing an essay or an article, or even writing a poem, you must be the one to accept your writing, your story, and yourself first. This is important because whether your writing is selected for publication or rejected, you must feel proud of yourself for the hard work you've put into something that matters to you. You must feel proud of yourself for taking chances and risks and trying something new that you've never done before. You must feel proud of yourself for being productive and consistent as you work toward an important goal. Even if things don't work out, at least you can say you pursued your creative ambitions and stepped outside your comfort zone. Many people would say that's a lot better than playing it safe and choosing to do nothing with your life.

In the end, I'm proud of myself for the productive and consistent effort I've put into pursuing my writing goals over the past five months. No matter what happens along the way, I want every writer to feel proud of themselves for their consistent efforts toward their writing goals, too.