What Eight Decades Have Taught Me About Resilience

What Eight Decades Have Taught Me About Resilience

By Sheila Omoth Christensen

When people learn that I'm eighty years old, they sometimes ask for the secret to a long and fulfilling life.

They're often expecting advice about healthy habits or good genes. While those things certainly matter, I've come to believe that resilience is what sustains us most. Life is not measured by how many years we are given. It's measured by how many times we choose to begin again.

Over the course of eight decades, I've been many things: daughter, wife, mother, entrepreneur, public servant, campaign manager, author, and grandmother. Some chapters unfolded exactly as I hoped. Others tested me in ways I never anticipated. Yet through every success, disappointment, and unexpected turn, I discovered a simple truth: resilience is not about avoiding hardship. It is about refusing to let hardship write the ending of your story.

One of the most important lessons I learned is that perseverance and courage are not always the same thing.

As a young woman, I believed that quitting meant failure. Then I found myself in a violent marriage. Leaving that marriage became the one thing I quit, and it remains one of the bravest decisions I have ever made.

That experience taught me a lesson I have carried throughout my life: sometimes resilience means holding on, and sometimes resilience means finding the courage to let go of what is harming you. Knowing the difference can change everything.

The years that followed were not easy. Like countless women, I faced the challenge of rebuilding a life while raising children and creating a future that felt uncertain. There was no roadmap. There was only the next step, and the determination to keep moving forward.

Then life surprised me.

I was fortunate enough to receive one of life's greatest gifts: a second chance at love. More than fifty-five years ago, I married my husband, Steven. For over five decades, he has been my partner, encourager, sounding board, and best friend. Whatever accomplishments I have achieved, I have not achieved them alone. His steady support has helped make many of those accomplishments possible.

Through our life together, I learned another valuable lesson: our beginnings do not determine our endings. Some of the most meaningful chapters of our lives are the ones we never expected to write.

Over time, those small steps forward became a life rich with opportunities to learn, serve, and grow.

I built businesses. I worked in public service. I managed political campaigns and community projects. Each new role required me to stretch beyond my comfort zone and develop skills I didn't yet possess. Along the way, I learned that confidence rarely comes first. More often, confidence is the result of acting before you feel fully prepared.

Years later, those experiences inspired me to write.

My daughter Stephanie and I co-authored Domestic Warfare and The I Own Me Agreement, books that grew from a desire to help others facing difficult circumstances. Writing them reinforced my belief that our most difficult experiences can often become our greatest opportunities to serve.

I later turned my attention to preserving stories that deserve to be remembered. One of my most meaningful projects has been The Overlooked Women of North Dakota series, which highlights women whose contributions helped shape their communities, professions, and families, often without widespread recognition. Their stories reminded me that true influence is not measured by fame. It is measured by impact.

Another deeply personal work, My Brother, allowed me to preserve family memories and history for future generations. In many ways, every book I have written has been driven by the same purpose: to honor stories that matter and ensure they are not lost.

That purpose has only grown stronger with age.

In a culture that often celebrates achievement, we sometimes overlook endurance. We admire the visible successes while missing the perseverance that made them possible. Yet resilience is built in quieter moments, in the decision to continue after disappointment, rejection, failure, loss, or heartbreak.

Some of my greatest lessons came from setbacks.

I have lost opportunities.

I have lost manuscripts.

I have watched carefully made plans fall apart.

More than once, I have had to begin again.

But every ending carried the possibility of a new beginning.

Today, I am completing a memoir titled DON'T QUIT. The title reflects a philosophy that has guided much of my life. It is not a call to remain in situations that diminish or harm us. Rather, it is a reminder that no setback, loss, or detour has the power to define us unless we allow it to.

No one succeeds alone. I have been blessed by family, friends, mentors, colleagues, and especially by my husband Steven, whose faith in me often exceeded my own. The older I become, the more grateful I am for the people who encouraged me when the path ahead seemed uncertain.

If there is one message I would share with the next generation of women, it is this:

You do not need to have all the answers before you move forward.

You do not need to be fearless before you take action.

You do not need to know exactly how the story ends.

You only need the courage to take the next step.

Life will surprise you. It will test you. It will sometimes break your heart. But it will also offer opportunities, relationships, and joys you never imagined possible.

The women who influence others most are rarely the ones who had the easiest journeys. They are the ones who continued to learn, grow, rebuild, and reach back to help others along the way.

After eight decades, I know this much for certain:

You are stronger than you think.

Your story is not over.

And it is never too late to begin again.

About the Author

Sheila Omoth Christensen is an author, entrepreneur, public servant, and advocate for women. She is the co-author of Domestic Warfare and The I Own Me Agreement, author of My Brother, and creator of the Overlooked Women of North Dakota series. She is currently completing her memoir, DON'T QUIT, a reflection on perseverance, reinvention, family, service, and the enduring power of hope.