When Silence Isn’t the Answer Anymore
Navigating a Gray Divorce
After 32 years, I decided it was best for me to leave my marriage. This wasn’t a quick decision, and it wasn’t made without deep thought and prayer. I quickly realized that although I didn’t want to make a grand announcement on social media, the truth would eventually surface.
At first, silence protects you. It gives you space to breathe, to process, to survive. But there comes a point in the healing journey when silence begins to feel heavy.
I chose not only who to tell, but what to tell. Not everyone needed the whole story. But my friends — the ones who prayed for me, who knew my heart, who would honor my decision and hold space for my healing — needed to know. For me, telling them wasn’t about sharing facts. It was about honoring our friendship and asking for support. It was about recognizing that I couldn’t carry the weight alone.
There is power in saying the words out loud:
“I am getting a divorce. I am resolute in my decision. I may need you to listen or comfort me. I know God is in this decision, and I will be okay — but I need support.”
I was nervous. I knew they would be surprised — maybe even shocked. I didn’t want judgment; I wanted support. I was afraid, too. When you open your heart, you open it to pity and misunderstanding. But when you speak your truth, you also allow the right people to love you more deeply and support you more fully.
I cried when I told some. I raised my voice when I told others. With a few, I was matter-of-fact. There is no perfect script. I just had to say it.
Despite my fear, I discovered something beautiful: my people are good people. Many rallied around me immediately. Some reached out with words — or texts — of encouragement. Others offered practical help during times of transition: finding a new place to live, turning that space into a home, helping me build a new routine.
There were also people who couldn’t walk this journey with me. Their backgrounds, experiences, or beliefs limited the support they could offer. That’s okay, too. Give them grace. Allow them to step back. Not everyone is equipped for every season of your life. You will be okay without them in your corner.
Taking control of your story — and your future — begins when you speak your truth.
As I searched for resources to guide me through this phase, I realized I was part of what is often called a Gray Divorce — a divorce that frequently occurs in a woman’s 50s. We aren’t navigating custody schedules or co-parenting plans. We are seeking a new beginning in the second half of our lives.
When I couldn’t find the resource I needed, I decided to create one.
I wrote Braver Than I Knew, a 52-week, faith-based journal for women who are building new routines, embracing new beginnings, and stepping into a new life — when silence is no longer the answer.
