Why Intentions Matter More Than Resolutions
Resolutions vs. Intentions: A Compassionate Approach to New Year's Goals
It’s that time of year again — the season of bold promises to ourselves (and sometimes others) about the changes we plan to make in the New Year. The gym. A new diet. Dry January. More sleep. Less caffeine. The specifics don’t really matter.
Though often well-intentioned, resolutions are notoriously flawed. For many women — especially those already juggling deadlines, responsibilities, and competing demands — resolutions can feel like just one more obligation.
The upside of resolutions is that they are goal-oriented, measurable, and outcome-focused. The downside is that they often live in the “should” part of our minds, taking up too much space and haunting us with guilt. “Should” implies something is wrong, has been overlooked, or needs fixing. It feels pressured and inflexible, leaving little room for nuance, creativity, or compromise. Resolutions demand change — and dictate the specific behaviors required to get there.
Intentions, on the other hand, lean into how we want to feel as we move through life. They offer a softer, more sustainable approach. Rooted in self-compassion and meaning-making, intentions honor the difficulty of change while keeping the focus on growth, presence, and how we relate to ourselves. They ask a different question:
How do I want to show up for myself and my life?
From a therapeutic perspective, intentions provide lasting motivation because they are driven by desire rather than shame. They are holistic, values-aligned, and focused on integration — not merely the adoption or elimination of habits. Intentions allow room for human frailty and course correction without self-recrimination.
In short, resolutions seek to control behavior; intentions guide it. Resolutions are about doing. Intentions are about being. When paired with inspired and compassionate action, intentions offer a balanced, humane way to approach what we hope for ourselves in the New Year.
A Moment to Pause: Reflection for You
Before setting goals or making promises, take a quiet moment to reflect:
When you think about goals you’ve set in the past, which felt rooted in obligation or self-criticism — and which felt aligned with meaning, values, or self-compassion? Notice without judgment.
Try This Short Journaling Exercise
1. Looking Back
Think of a resolution you’ve struggled to sustain. How did it make you feel in your body and mind?
Prompt: A resolution I’ve struggled to keep is…
2. Listening Beneath the Goal
Every resolution carries a deeper desire — perhaps ease, confidence, rest, connection, or peace.
Prompt: What I was truly hoping for when I made that resolution was…
3. Setting an Intention
Now imagine approaching that desire with kindness rather than force. Focus on how you want to live and feel — not how you want to perform.
Prompt: An intention I choose to carry forward is…
4. Moving with Compassion
Intentions don’t demand perfection; they invite alignment. Keep it simple. Let it be human.
Prompt: One or two gentle ways I might honor this intention are…
A Closing Thought
Instead of asking, “What should I change about myself?” try asking:
Who am I becoming — and how can I support that growth with compassion?
If you want guidance as you clarify intentions or navigate change, working with a therapist can be a meaningful step. You don’t have to do this alone.
