A personal reflection on embracing natural features and rejecting beauty standards. The author celebrates their gap-toothed smile as a family legacy and symbol of individuality, challenging societal pressure to conform to curated ideals of perfection.
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Influential Woman · Military, Education, Healthcare advocate, Publishing, Notary
Ife Alicto
EQI, DISC
Leadership Facilitator/Entrepreneur, Ife Alicto The Author LLC!
Virginia Beach, VA 23456
20Years experience
7Articles published
6Awards received
“
Pride is the root of all great mistakes. We all have pride, but we can't let it get in the way of our personal and professional growth.
Ife Alicto · In Her Own Words
In Conversation
Ife Alicto for Bold. Brilliant. Unstoppable.
Read the transcript
Ife Alicto: Speaker: Ife Alicto, EQI, DISC, Leadership Facilitator/Entrepreneur, Ife Alicto The Author LLC!What does being an Influential Woman mean to you?Ife Alicto, EQI, DISC: What does being an influential woman mean to me? It just means a lot. We all strive to be influential, but we not know how to get there. We get there through fate. And Persistency to move forward, You pick a path in life. A path that you choose that you want to choose, and you just do your best to be effective in that path. And along the way. You do things that you love. For me, for instance, I am a dreamer. That's why. My logo is a dream catcher. And a masquerade. Representing my faith. And the culture that I am inborn into and embodied. Being an influential woman. Means that. There are going to be times where I may not see my way. Or I may struggle. But I'm a human and I'm real. And young women and men, because I'm a boy's mom, young women and men. Have to understand that. Just because you cease. What the end process, it doesn't mean there wasn't work put into that end process. Everything requires work and influence requires adversity. In order to influence anyone, you're going to be picked apart. You're going to be judged. You're going to be diced, sliced, and thrown. But it's up to you to have the faith that God didn't put you there, whatever faith you believe in, but I believe there is a higher power. And the higher power watches over me. And of course, my angel, my mother, who passed away when I was 22. She is my. Influence. She was a woman of faith, a dreamer. She would just say things and they'd be like, Mom, we don't even have the money for that. But she would make it happen, and I became that. Don't talk about it. Be about it. That's an influential woman.What's one piece of advice you would give to younger women chasing their dreams?Ife Alicto, EQI, DISC: Don't stop chasing it. Just know whatever dream that you're pursuing, it's not going to be easy. It's not going to be something you just walk into the door and everything works for you. That's that's not a dream. A dream requires. Work. It doesn't require reactive work because sometimes that can happen. It requires proactive preparation, meaning that you prepare yourself and just know that adversity will come. And allow yourself to learn from the adversity. Adversity is hard. I hate adversity. I'm not going to lie to anyone, but I just know without adversity I would not be who I am today. It allowed me to actually take a step back. To face my fear. And to work through the fear that came along with it. And when you can work through something and get to the other side, you can do anything. So don't let adversity stop you from pursuing your dream. Let me just say there's many ways to peel a carrot. Let's call it that, right? How you peel that carrot? And take that skin off of that carrot, it's going to be different from the next person. I have to take that advice many times to myself. That pride is the bottom of all great mistakes and that there's many ways to peel a carrot. So try not to compare yourself to other people. Because their adversity is not your adversity, and the way they peeled the carrot to get to a beautiful carrot salad, it's not the same way you're going to do it. So keep being you. Learn from your adversities and actually take what you have learned and become the person that you want to be.
Full transcript available
Her Story
About Ife
Ife Alicto is a leadership and ethics professional, military veteran, educator, author, and speaker dedicated to developing principled leaders who serve with integrity and purpose. With nearly two decades of service in the U.S. Navy and Department of Defense, she currently serves as a Leadership Facilitator at the Naval Leadership & Ethics Center, where she helps shape the next generation of military leaders through ethics education, character development, and leadership training. Her expertise spans strategic planning, workforce development, change management, team building, process improvement, and organizational leadership, supported by certifications in Lean Six Sigma, emotional intelligence, and leadership assessment methodologies. Throughout her military career, Ife built a reputation as a trusted subject matter expert and leader, serving in aviation maintenance, logistics management, personnel development, and operational leadership roles. She has led teams through complex assignments around the world while championing initiatives focused on collaboration, accountability, and continuous improvement. Drawing on her academic background in organizational management and healthcare administration, she combines practical leadership experience with a deep commitment to ethical decision-making, empowering individuals and teams to achieve excellence while remaining grounded in strong values. Beyond her military and leadership work, Ife is an award-winning children's book author, podcaster, entrepreneur, and advocate for cultural heritage and representation. Originally from Trinidad and Tobago and raised in New York City after immigrating to the United States, she uses storytelling to celebrate identity, resilience, and belonging. Through her publishing company (Ife Alicto The Author, LLC), she creates books that introduce young readers to diverse cultures and experiences, including works inspired by her Caribbean heritage that have received international recognition. Guided by faith, service, and a passion for mentorship, Ife is committed to opening doors for future generations of leaders and inspiring others to lead with courage, gratitude, and integrity. She is also a Notary for the commonwealth of Virginia, where she gives back to her community.
Her Interview
Ten minutes with Ife
01What do you attribute your success to?
I attribute my success to my faith and my desire to keep pushing forward. Even when I feel like there's a roadblock, I just have to keep pushing because God wouldn't have me here for no reason. My mother is a huge part of why I push so hard. She came to America from Trinidad with me and my sister, and she struggled a lot here. She passed away when I was young, so she didn't get to see me or my sister, who's a school teacher, make it to any level of success. She didn't see the seeds that she sowed, which is us. We are a seed. Her faith in making the right decision to come to America with us, even though nothing held her back and she struggled tremendously, is what drives me. A lot of my success is based off of what my mother did for us. She's the reason why we are what we are, because she had faith. So I keep pushing forward, even without guidance, because I know God has a purpose for me being here, and I'm honoring my mother's sacrifice and courage.
02What’s the best career advice you’ve ever received?
The best career advice I've ever received is that pride is the bottom of all great mistakes. Don't let your pride get in the way of making decisions that are ethical and right. I actually use this quote when teaching my ethics classes. What it means to me is that ethics is doing the right thing at the right time for the right reason. Sometimes, you can't let pride or ego take over and cause you to make a decision that affects you and everybody else negatively. Instead, you need to make decisions with a sound mind, setting aside your pride to do what's truly right.
03What advice would you give to young women entering your industry?
My advice to young women entering the military is: don't let anybody take away your voice. It's still going to always be a man's world, but you have to keep pushing to be heard. Keep building your strength to lift things that may be heavy, or have the courage to ask for help, but always say, 'I got this, I just need your help, just follow me.' Don't let anyone lead you if you already know what you're doing. If you don't know what you're doing, yes, be willing to be led and learn. But if you know what you're doing, don't let them take that power away from you. You may not be as strong or as outspoken as some individuals, but that doesn't mean you should let anyone diminish your capabilities or your voice.
04What are the biggest challenges or opportunities in your field right now?
The biggest challenge in my field is dealing with biases and being different. Sometimes, even though we say there's equal opportunity, people tend to like being around people they know or who look like them. The biggest challenge is being the only one in the room that looks like you. In my job, which is mostly male-oriented, the percentage of females is less than 7%. But knowing that you're capable and you've been found capable to do the job, you just have to keep pushing through. Sometimes people may not look like you, act like you, or talk like you, but you can't be nobody else but you. Don't change yourself because you're not the same as everyone else. Your differences matter. Your opinion matters. It's not about you, it's about the next person coming in. You're opening the door for someone else. Even though it may be hard for you, it will make it easier for the next person, and the next person, and soon there will be opportunities out there for everyone. But if you don't allow yourself to push through, those doors won't open.
05What values are most important to you in your work and personal life?
The most important value to me in both my work and personal life is faith. Faith in my family and faith in my work life, because I am a Black woman, and people remind you that you are Black. I feel like because you look a certain way, some people think you shouldn't be in certain spaces or do certain things. Sometimes that gets in my head and I feel like an imposter, but I have to have faith that God wouldn't put me there if I wasn't supposed to be there. So I tell myself: don't let nobody take away your faith. That's my core value. Even when someone says something that makes me doubt myself, I remember that God has a purpose for me being in that space, and I keep pushing forward with faith.
Her Content Hub
Articles by Ife
Journal Entry: Embracing My Gap
Embracing what makes you unique in a world obsessed with perfection.
My Gap Is Part of My Story, Not a Flaw
For over 40 years, I've lived with this gap in my teeth—front and side. It's a part of me that many people might label as an imperfection, but honestly, I hardly notice it.
I've been to the dentist countless times, sometimes two or even three times a year, and no one has ever suggested braces. I've even asked about it, but it always seemed like a lengthy process that made me question whether I wanted to change a part of my identity for something that felt so insignificant.
I've come to realize that this gap is a family trait. I inherited it from my father, and now my son has it too. It feels like a legacy, not a flaw.
When I hear people criticize my teeth, especially during my art videos or blogs, I can't help but feel frustrated. Why should I feel pressured to conform to someone else's standards of beauty?
I mean, I can chew food just fine—there's no physical pain or issue associated with my gap.
Beauty Isn't Just About Straight Teeth
Recently, I watched a video about beauty standards shaped by social media and artificial intelligence. It made me think about how often we're bombarded with curated images of what we should look like.
But beauty isn't just about straight teeth or perfect skin; it's about authenticity.
When I smile, gap and all, I'm showing the world who I truly am—untouched and unfiltered.
Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. It's a personal perception, not something dictated by a digital algorithm.
If we're not careful, we might lose sight of what is real while pursuing an impossible version of perfection.
I think about my last article, where I emphasized the importance of self-acceptance. When we begin measuring ourselves against unrealistic standards, we start questioning our own worth.
My Gap Represents Individuality
In my eyes, my gap represents individuality.
If you feel that straightening your teeth will bring you joy, that's wonderful! But don't project your standards onto me.
I'm happy with who I am, and my gap is simply one part of my story.
So, if you don't like it, that's okay—just don't look.
This journey of self-acceptance is vital.
I want to embrace every flaw, every quirk, and every gap. They are the things that make me unique.
After all, it's not about fitting into someone else's mold. It's about being true to myself and celebrating the beauty found in our differences.
Discover how limiting mirror time and embracing individuality can transform your relationship with aging and beauty. Learn to celebrate your unique features and cultivate genuine self-love beyond societal standards.
The Greatest Advice: Don't Look in the Mirror Unless You Feel Something in Your Nose
Finding Beauty Beyond the Mirror: A Guide to Self-Acceptance and Embracing Your Unique Self
A unique perspective on beauty, aging, and self-acceptance emerges from the simple yet profound advice:
“Don’t look in the mirror unless you feel something in your nose.”
This mantra has shaped my outlook, especially in a world so focused on appearances.
Embracing Aging and Self-Love
As we age, society often imposes unrealistic standards of beauty. Many people, regardless of gender, strive to maintain a youthful appearance. I’ve had countless conversations where people compliment me by saying, “You look good for your age.” My secret? I don’t obsess over my reflection.
- Morning rituals: When I wash my face, I prefer low light. This softens the harshness of reality and allows me to focus on the day ahead rather than the details of my face.
- Driving reflections: In the car, if I feel something in my nose, I might glance in the mirror. But even then, it’s just for a quick check—nothing more.
The Forces of Nature
As my father wisely noted, to maintain a youthful look, one must embrace the inevitability of aging. His tongue-in-cheek remark about “dying to stay young” highlights a harsh truth: time moves on, and we must learn to live in the moment.
- Comparison trap: When we look in the mirror, we often compare ourselves to others—celebrities in magazines, influencers on social media. The reality? Most of these images are filtered, presenting an unrealistic standard.
Celebrating Individuality
Instead of stressing over perceived flaws, we should celebrate our unique traits. I’ve learned to appreciate my gap-toothed smile, a family trait passed down through generations.
- Family legacy: My father had a gap, and so do my sons. It is a mark of our identity, not a flaw to hide. Embracing these small quirks makes us who we are.
The Journey to Self-Acceptance
To truly appreciate ourselves, we must shift our perspective:
- Limit mirror time.
- Focus on the positives—recognize what you love about yourself: your unique features, quirks, and personality traits.
- Social media reality check: understand that filters can distort reality. Challenge yourself to appreciate unfiltered beauty.
Conclusion
Life is too precious to spend it fixating on imperfections. By embracing our individuality and limiting our time spent in front of mirrors, we can cultivate a deeper sense of self-love. Remember, beauty is not defined by societal standards but by the joy of being uniquely you.
Let’s celebrate our differences and love ourselves for who we are. After all, my name means love—and that is what we should all strive to embody.
Explore how effective communication transcends words, examining barriers like cultural differences, ADHD, and technology while emphasizing genuine human connection in relationships.
How to Not Communicate with a Woman with ADHD and Multiple Enterprises
Bridging the Gap: Why How You Communicate Matters More Than What You Say
Effective communication is something we often say is lacking in relationships—whether with a spouse, at work, or with friends and children. The issue is not just how much you communicate; it is how you communicate. Often, women like me have ideas in our heads and assume we have communicated them clearly, or we expect others to read our minds through body language, which is also a form of communication.
But let’s be real: these days, people lack the genuine human connection we used to have. Kids even call it “IRL” (in real life). Much of our communication today is non-emotional, relying on text messages and emails.
I’m not a phone person. You know what I do? I voice-text long messages or send voice notes to friends and my husband, who rarely listens because he thinks it’s unnecessary. He’ll say he’s calling, and I’m like, “No, dude, I don’t want to talk because I’m at work. I don’t want to talk because I’m driving home. I don’t want to talk because I’m busy with one of my business ventures.”
I often offend people because I communicate in ways that feel sufficient to me, but I haven’t always learned how to communicate effectively with them. Knowing how not to communicate happens when there is no human connection or when the message is not delivered in a way others can receive it. We are taught various forms of communication, including cultural interaction. What might seem offensive in my culture may not be offensive in yours.
Barriers to Communication
Hand gestures can also be a barrier. Someone might talk with their hands, and instead of actively listening, you become distracted by their movements. Text messages can also be a barrier; while many people rely on texts for information, many others need a phone call for clarity. Think about why we sit through automated AI customer service lines. We read the website and still don’t understand it, so we end up wanting to speak to a real person.
Additionally, language differences and slang can create misunderstandings. Different forms of English and variations in expression can further complicate communication.
Communicating with ADHD
How do I communicate with someone who has ADHD? As someone diagnosed with ADHD myself, I know I am often not as subtle as those without the same challenges. I have been able to build multiple entrepreneurial ventures and have served in the U.S. Navy for over 20 years. ADHD is not a negative thing; it is simply part of who I am. I was diagnosed later in life, but I have always known I experienced it.
As a wife, if I do not sit down for a heart-to-heart conversation without distractions, I risk not communicating effectively. Everyone is often distracted. To truly communicate, you have to figure out how to connect with the individual in front of you. You will discover how not to communicate with them when you fail to take that step.
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