Jodi Van Dyke

I grew up with no siblings,

used to living life my own way.

My parents smoked marijuana

and tipped the bottle.

At times, my father’s behavior became hostile.

I’d sneak out of my bedroom window

to go next door and call the cops.

All of this left a bad taste in my mouth—

and it wasn’t butterscotch.

So I hit the pews with my grandma

and found a group called Awana.

I got saved—thanks to the Son of God.

God, You are mighty!

You saved me from two suicide attempts as a teen.

I intentionally overdosed on medication.

They pumped my stomach clean.

My heart broke during this time

because my father moved on to Heaven.

Second Corinthians 6:18 says God is my Father,

but I still wanted this part of my life

to be just a movie I was rentin’.

Thank You, God, that You answered

when I asked You to come sit with me.

Because another thing I lost early

was my virginity.

I graduated high school with honors

and went on to college.

I received a degree in interior design—

I was meant to be stylish.

Bad boys seemed to be my attraction.

Eventually, emotional abuse and disloyalty

no longer gave me satisfaction.

I carried around depression and distrust.

I got so lonely that I went to a rave

and tried Ecstasy once.

I’ve since prayed Psalm 25:7—

“Forgive the sins of my youth,”

including the parties I hosted

with dancing and drinks.

And my lowest points—

a few moments of sexual immorality

that still make my heart sink.

I knew who Christ was all along.

My heart was right.

My behavior was wrong.

As an adult, I was diagnosed by a doctor

with a mental illness.

I believe it was the enemy

pulling at my potential.

“Overly religious,” they described me.

So they locked me up in an institution.

Matthew 10:33 says I did not deny Him,

and He will not deny me.

Psalm 119:71 states it was good for me to suffer;

therefore, when it comes to God’s commands,

I’ll be more of a lover.

After three times in, I was obviously blessed.

God brought me a husband—

He brought me the best.

I had to learn that marriage takes sacrifice

and doesn’t always come

with the same kind of adventure.

There were a few hard years

because I made a musician my idol.

It took my time, my attention, and our money.

Thank God that I am forgiven,

and Job 11:17 says

life—even darkness—will be sunny.

We extended our family

by three children we will love forever.

This wasn’t my plan

until one day I said,

“God, I surrender.”

We now attend church weekly—

a place of accountability,

because God says in James 4:8,

“Draw near to Me, and I will draw near to you.”

In fact, we also attend a few extra groups.

We are better together.

We don’t want those connections to come loose.

Matthew 22:37 tells us

the most important connection is vertical.

He’s got the whole world in His hands,

and we are called to love the whole circle.

Insecurity once flooded my heart

and still tries to drown me out today.

Matthew 4:19 says

He will make us fishers of men.

You can find me sittin’

on the dock of the bay.