Lilach Mendelovich

75% of the population experiences some level of public speaking nerves, and it impacts women slightly more than men. The public speaking confidence gap comes at a cost—and not just the lost revenue from paid speaking opportunities.

We use public speaking in every aspect of business: in marketing, networking, pitching, interviews, speaking up in team meetings, and executive meetings.

AI has made public speaking more necessary than ever. Written content now comes with some suspicion; it is harder to trust that the ideas and expertise we read are completely original to the author (I realize the irony of saying this in a written article).

People need to see and hear you in order to trust that you truly know your stuff.

Unfortunately, speaking anxiety can make brilliant women appear insecure. Research shows that true confidence doesn’t only feel good—it actually makes you more persuasive to others.

The good news: confidence isn’t some magic trait you have to be born with. It is a trainable skill.

So What Is True Confidence?

There are different types, but they all come down to trust and belief:

1. Confidence as efficacy – belief in your ability to do something.
2. Example: “I’m confident in my ability to drive stick shift; I’ve had a manual car for years.”
3. Confidence as experienced energy – something we can feel within ourselves, and others can feel when interacting with us.
4. Example: “I was feeling really confident,” or “I loved her confidence.”
5. Confidence as self-trust – feeling secure in our choices and decisions.
6. Example: “I’m confident that this is the right path for me.”

Confidence functions exactly like a muscle, which means you can train, strengthen, and grow it. But it can also atrophy from lack of use or suffer injury.

When it comes to public speaking, we want to focus on both ability and felt experience.

To Train Your Ability

Neuroscience shows us that the brain operates on predictions. If you prove to yourself that you can do something, it will predict a higher chance of success the next time you perform the same activity. Each piece of proof builds on the last until the brain begins to assume success, creating true confidence.

This is why practice and rehearsal are key to speaking confidence. The more evidence your brain has that you can deliver the talk or pitch, the more confident you will become.

If nerves appear even during rehearsal, start with the smallest, safest version of practice. How can you give your brain a small win to begin the confidence upward spiral?

To Train Your Felt Experience

Sometimes you do all the preparation, you know your speech cold, and when the moment comes, the nerves still take over.

In that scenario—when preparation isn’t the problem—I walk clients through my SYNC framework:

S – Safety for Your Mind and Body

The fear of social judgment and rejection is one of the main triggers of the threat response system, better known as fight, flight, or freeze. If your brain is focusing all its energy on survival, there is no way to be an effective speaker.

Nervous system regulation and self-compassion tools are highly effective at bringing us back to safety, where we can shine.

Y – Your Unique Presence

Many women try to imitate someone else’s version of confidence—a “fake it till you make it” approach. But pretending to be something we’re not often comes across as forced or inauthentic. Even when done well, it requires significant cognitive load that takes away from your ability to be fully present.

Leaning into your natural tendencies helps bring out your personality so you can be free, grounded, and memorable.

N – Navigating Pitfalls

Things happen. But usually, if we think ahead, we can anticipate potential pitfalls. Instead of relying on the hope that nothing will go wrong, strong speakers focus on recovery.

If you can pivot from an awkward moment, have a backup question when you get crickets during Q&A, or quickly regain your train of thought when you lose it, nothing can truly rattle you.

C – Connection Over Perfection

Many women believe they must be flawless to earn trust, recognition, and opportunity. That belief is a major source of public speaking anxiety—and more importantly, it blocks connection.

Real connection only happens when you are a relatable human being. And human nature is imperfect. When someone appears flawlessly polished, it can create subconscious distance for the audience—a sense of disconnect.

Connection is the true MVP of speaking. It is the gateway to trust and opportunity, and it should be prioritized as such.

Public speaking confidence peaks when you are in SYNC with your brain, your personality, and your audience.

If you want to become a more confident speaker, it is never too late to start building this muscle.