Mary E. Roberts Ph.D (ABD)

As women, we are often so busy taking care of everyone and everything around us that we forget to make room for ourselves.

We show up for our families. We show up for our careers. We show up for our teams, our communities, our friends, and the people who depend on us. We solve problems, carry responsibilities, meet deadlines, and somehow convince ourselves that we can keep going without stopping.

But who is taking care of the woman carrying it all?

I want to encourage every woman reading this to do something that may feel uncomfortable at first: give yourself permission to pause.

Pause without guilt.

Pause without explaining yourself.

Pause without feeling as though you should be doing something else.

I do not care if your pause means sitting quietly in the middle of the floor with no television, no music, no phone, and no conversation. Sometimes it can simply be you, the floor, your thoughts, and silence.

There is power in that silence.

Even Strong Women Need to Pause

Professionally, I work as a Chief Information Security Officer (CISO). Cybersecurity is a field where threats never completely disappear. There is always another vulnerability, another risk, another decision, another incident, or another problem waiting to be solved.

For years, I understood the importance of protecting organizations, systems, data, and people. But somewhere along the way, I realized there was something else I needed to protect:

my own peace.

• That realization required me to look inward.
• I had to ask myself: How do I continue operating in a demanding profession without allowing the demands of that profession or life itself to consume me?
• My answer was surprisingly simple.

Pause.

• I began giving myself permission to step away from the noise and reconnect with myself.

You Cannot Control Everything

One of the things I continue working on is learning how to drown out the noise.

I am learning to focus my energy on what I can actually manage instead of exhausting myself trying to make everything happen exactly the way I believe it should.

That is not always easy.

Many of us are planners, leaders, mothers, executives, caregivers, entrepreneurs, wives, daughters, sisters, mentors, and problem-solvers. We are accustomed to fixing things.

But not everything is ours to fix.

Not every situation requires our intervention.

Not every problem deserves our energy.

Not every expectation deserves a yes.

And not everything that goes differently than we planned means something has gone wrong.

Sometimes peace begins when we stop fighting to control what was never ours to control.

Your Peace Deserves Protection Too

In cybersecurity, I spend enormous amounts of time protecting what organizations consider valuable.

We identify threats. We establish boundaries. We reduce unnecessary exposure. We monitor risk. We protect critical assets.

Perhaps we should apply some of those same principles to our lives.

• Protect your time.
• Protect your energy.
• Protect your boundaries.
• Protect your mental space.
• And most importantly, protect your peace.

Whatever your career, title, responsibilities, or circumstances may be, there will always be something demanding your attention. If you wait until everything is finished before allowing yourself to rest, you may never rest.

There will always be another email.

Another meeting.

Another problem.

Another deadline.

Another person who needs something.

But there is only one you.

Tomorrow Is Not Promised

Life has taught me that tomorrow is not promised to any of us. That reality should not frighten us; it should remind us to live.

• Enjoy the quiet morning.
• Take the trip.
• Laugh loudly.
• Sit outside.
• Turn the phone off.
• Spend time with people who bring peace into your life.
• Walk away from unnecessary chaos.
• Celebrate yourself.

And sometimes, simply sit on the floor and do absolutely nothing.

Taking care of yourself does not mean that you care less about everyone else. It means recognizing that you are also someone worthy of your care.

I am still learning this.

I am still learning how to silence the noise, release what I cannot control, and stop carrying things that were never mine to carry.

And when life becomes overwhelming, I remind myself:

• Pause.
• Breathe.
• Be still.

You do not have to solve everything today.

You do not have to have every answer.

You do not have to carry everyone.

Sometimes the strongest thing a woman can do is give herself permission to retreat into her own inner peace.

So today, wherever you are and whatever you are carrying, I hope you give yourself that permission.

Pause. Breathe. Protect your peace. And remember you owe yourself happiness, too.