Her Story
About Pepper
I'm a curious person, and I don't like assumptions, I like data. I like knowing something as opposed to having just an opinion. I got very interested in people's personal life and relationships. I was also kind of a budding feminist, so I felt there were a lot of things said about women that were assumptions, or just plain seemed to be untrue. When I first went to a PhD program, I was interested in a combined program of sociology and law. I had vague thoughts about being a divorce lawyer for women. But as I became more involved in the sociology, I became very interested in women's relationship, marriage in the family, sexuality, things like that, which I felt were very critical in women's lives and not well studied, and certainly not from a feminist point of view. I got drawn out to more getting the PhD than the law degree, although my first published article was, in fact, in the Yale Law Review. I taught courses on sexuality, the family, on marriage and divorce. Today I write books about intimate relationships. I'm writing a book right now with a co-author about sex and intimate relationships, with the working title The Police in Your Bedroom, looking at what's happening around the country in terms of policy and politics about what we do with our bodies, or who we do it with. I'm also working on a television show and with a young dating site called Known, where my bosses are in their 20s and 30s in the Bay Area. I just love these young, bright, optimistic, talented people I work with.
Her Interview
Ten minutes with Pepper
01What’s the best career advice you’ve ever received?
I think it's follow your passion. Your work should be something that makes every day meaningful, and hopefully sometimes joyful, even if it's a long shot. On the other hand, do what you're good at. I wanted to be a ballerina, that would be a really bad idea. I wouldn't be good at it, that would be sad. So, I mean, within a stronghold on realism, you know, go after your passion, don't do something, don't take something easy that doesn't fulfill you.
02What advice would you give to young women entering your industry?
Make sure you train, make sure you not just get attracted to the headlights and not put enough basic effort, training, scholarship, experience into who you are. I mean, be the best person who gives advice, or to write the things you do, or to act the way you do, that you can possibly be. To believe in yourself shouldn't just be a thought, it should be an accumulation of accomplishment. So prepare yourself to be what people will respect, because you'll respect it. You'll know that you own something as real, rather than just happenstance. Study or train, or be mentored by the best people. Learn as much as you can about what interests you, and then try and take it further. Be an innovator, be a curious person who answers questions well.
03What are the biggest challenges or opportunities in your field right now?
My biggest challenge is getting older. I'm 80, gonna be 81. I've been, God, knock wood, very lucky to be very healthy. But I have lost lots of friends who are not. My family, you know, my brothers are getting much older, so I have people who are dear to me who have died. I just have to, you know, not let that make me stop being empathetic and connected, but not to get frightened, and not to get dispirited, because it's real. Getting older is not an infinite process. You have to both recognize where you're at in life, but also not let it either be depressing or make you too fearful or limit you. I have friends I visit who are in terrible shape, and it's tough. It is a real challenge, but I am very lucky, and so, you know, if I had challenges, everyone's had challenges. I'm in my third marriage, so there were a few challenges along the way. My husband and I have been together 21 years now, though, so it's really nice. I have two great kids, but, you know, they have challenges. I don't know anybody who sails through life, you know, unless they're unconscious.
04What values are most important to you in your work and personal life?
Well, I mean, it sounds hackneyed, but it's extremely important for me to be a good person. You know, I want to treat others with respect, you know, and demand the same. I want to be empathetic and not have a hard heart, I want to have an open heart. And I think I also want to have a good dose of personal self-care, and have joy in my life, and hopefully give that back to people, or be something positive in other people's life. I think, you know, part of personal happiness, I think we should be grateful for what we have, and not reckless with it. And we should try and help others throughout our life. So I think it's both being able to take and to give.
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