Rachel Hartless

At 33 Years Old: A Life of Resilience, Courage, and Purpose

At 33 years old, reflecting upon my life can sometimes feel overwhelming. Some people refer to their lives as seasons, some as chapters, some as phases, and some as a timeline. The beauty I see in this is that the human life experience is not only widely different and complex for each individual, but it is also reflected upon and viewed diversely by each person.

I was born in Naperville, Illinois, USA, in 1993. I remember my childhood as sweet, filled with laughter, memories, family get-togethers, and God-centered holidays. My immediate family consisted of my older sister, my father, and my mother. We moved between states a couple of times during my childhood, and I believe this made me resilient and open to making new connections. As a child, I remember feeling great empathy. I was the one who stood up for those being bullied and escorted a fellow wheelchair-bound classmate to recess to ensure she felt safe and included. At the time, I was simply being myself. Reflecting upon this now, I understand that my empathy and leadership qualities began developing much sooner than I realized.

I attended the Kenston School District, located in Bainbridge, OH, USA, a small country town in the suburbs of Cleveland, OH, USA, for the majority of my early education. In middle school, my father battled colon cancer. My mother and I would drive downtown and frequent Little Italy, sneaking him handmade stromboli and cannoli at his hospital bedside against doctor's orders. My father and mother taught me to handle life's battles gracefully and honorably. My mother used to tell me, "This is our new normal. We are a family, and we will keep going." The Italian immigrant side of my family has deep roots in Chagrin Falls, OH, USA, where my great-grandfather worked as a shoemaker in the now-infamous Popcorn Shop next to the falls.

In high school, I was an avid swimmer, but I was also second-chair clarinet in the marching band and had to balance those priorities. I started working at age 14 at a locally owned ice cream shop called Dairy Island. I enjoyed making frozen desserts and serving the community's patrons. Later in high school, I worked at Hamlet Village in Chagrin Falls, OH, USA, serving meals to elderly residents of an assisted living facility. It was an extremely rewarding job, and I truly enjoyed getting to know the individuals and soaking up their wisdom. It was also, however, emotionally taxing when the residents passed away. Imagine serving breakfast, lunch, and dinner to beautiful old souls, getting to know them and their families personally, and then showing up to work to find an empty assigned seat, their nametag quickly swapped out for an unfamiliar surname. Gone but never forgotten. My fellow coworkers and I would quietly mourn their losses together, knowing we still had to show up to work with a smile and support their grieving friends.

After graduating high school, I enrolled in cosmetology school at Paul Mitchell in Twinsburg, OH, USA, graduating with my Ohio cosmetology license at age 17. While attending cosmetology school, I worked at Dairy Queen. Following graduation, I worked at a couple of hair salons and enjoyed the art of hairstyling and nails while also working as a hostess at Hyde Park Prime Steakhouse in Beachwood, OH, USA, where I met several celebrities. I quickly learned that hairstyling wasn't my passion, and I felt a calling toward a much larger purpose. I could feel it in my soul and bones. While the beauty industry is amazing, and I have the utmost respect for those who dedicate their lives to art, my journey was different. At age 20, I enlisted in the United States Air Force.

My late grandfather was drafted into the United States Army and served his country for two years during World War II. When I decided to join the Air Force, he was extremely supportive. My parents and sister attended every graduation and ceremony they possibly could. I graduated from Basic Military Training at Lackland AFB in San Antonio in 2013 as an Airman Basic. I fell in love with military culture and knew I wanted to make it my career. I have met so many incredible, talented individuals throughout my military career and owe a large part of my success to my mentors and leaders over the years.

As a young Airman, I was diagnosed with lymphoma in 2014. I was absolutely devastated. I had just begun an amazing journey serving my country, and it was abruptly put on hold in a way that only those who have been diagnosed with cancer can understand. I underwent radiation treatments while continuing to work. The cancer care center was on the same floor where I worked as a Medical Logistics Technician. I would go to work in the morning, walk down the hall to the radiation monster machine, and then head back down the hall to continue working. The Patient Story produced a YouTube video detailing my cancer journey to hopefully help and inspire others who are dealing with a difficult diagnosis.

I deployed to an undisclosed location in 2016 and made it safely back to American soil. Soon afterward, I became pregnant with my first child, who came into this world in 2017. During this time, I held the rank of Staff Sergeant and decided I wanted to pursue a degree and apply for a commission to make a greater impact in the military. I earned my associate's degree in Logistics and attended Columbia Southern University online while pursuing my bachelor's degree in Healthcare Administration. For three years, I did not take a lunch break. I told my troops I was taking school courses, and I would close my office door for an hour. My now ex-husband was deployed at the time, and I had no time for school after work because I was caring for my young child. I graduated Summa Cum Laude with my bachelor's degree in 2021.

In 2019, I filed for divorce, and it was an extremely tumultuous and abusive time in my life. I applied for the commissioning program of my dreams, the United States Air Force Medical Service Corps. I was accepted into the program after a lengthy interview process and was scheduled to attend Officer Training School in 2020.

Recounting the details of those years is extremely traumatic for me. I became pregnant for a second time as a result of a domestic sexual assault, and the divorce couldn't be finalized until I gave birth. Nor could I attend Officer Training School until at least six months after giving birth. At first, I wanted to give the baby up for adoption, but my now ex-husband wouldn't allow it. I decided to keep the baby. I knew the baby had chosen me to be their mother, and I accepted the responsibility of motherhood, even though I knew my military career was once again facing a significant and daunting halt.

During this time, I earned the rank of Technical Sergeant and continued working throughout my pregnancy. The details of my separation and divorce are extremely traumatic. Following the finalization of my divorce, my attorney, Ms. Heather Aby, the first female owner of a semi-professional baseball team, died by suicide. May her soul rest in peace.

I was granted full custody of both my children and attended Officer Training School in 2022, graduating as a Distinguished Graduate, placing in the top 10% of the class. I pinned on the rank of Second Lieutenant and moved to Mountain Home Air Force Base in Idaho, home of the Gunfighters. I continued to progress through my career and was recognized several times. However, the most rewarding part of this assignment was mentoring my troops and watching them shine.

Devastatingly, in 2023, at 30 years old, the lymphoma returned. Nearly 10 years later, after significant advancements in medicine, I learned that my type of lymphoma was incurable. It was not terminal, but it would continue to recur every three to five years. I received four rounds of intravenous Rituximab treatments. The first round almost killed me. After treatment, I was left with chronic pain that became overwhelmingly unbearable.

My oncologist prescribed Cymbalta, which he thought might help with nerve pain, and I was placed in palliative care. Cymbalta caused me to develop serotonin syndrome, a life-threatening condition that sent me into full psychosis and almost took my life. I narrowly escaped death in the emergency room in Elmore County, Idaho, alone. I don't remember much of what happened, but I do remember clutching the cross around my neck and begging to speak to a chaplain. I knew I was dying. God spared me once again because I believe I haven't yet fulfilled His purpose for my life.

I retired from the Air Force as a Captain. Everything I had worked for—the career and profession I had built—was, in my mind, essentially gone. My body was broken, in pain, and scarred from nine surgeries and two divine births. I recently completed a DNA test, which revealed that I am 12% Nordic. Viking blood.

In 2014, when I was first diagnosed with cancer, I knew I wasn't going to back down without a fight. When it returned in 2023, part of me wanted to give up and deny treatment. Nowadays, when individuals are diagnosed with cancer, doctors conduct a screening, and patients are placed into one of two categories: either a fighter or someone who simply wants to remain comfortable while their body dies. Neither of these choices is incorrect. It is a personal choice and should be respected by all. When I was first diagnosed, this practice had not yet been put into place, but I was unknowingly already a fighter. And I will never stop fighting.

I believe my soul is the color of deep, burnished crimson. I'm passionate to my core. I'm a warrior, I'm a protector, I am a fierce mother, and I'm still becoming the woman God made me to be.

I have walked through fire without surrendering my heart. My scars tell the story of battles survived, my courage belongs to no one but me, and my kindness will never be mistaken for weakness. I was never meant to be unbreakable. I was meant to rise.

Til Valhalla.