Tracy Queensberry, MSM

The Leaders We Almost Miss

Every team has them.

The people who don't speak first.

The ones who listen carefully, connect the dots, and think through the implications before offering an opinion.

In meetings, they're often overshadowed by quick responders and confident communicators. In fast-paced organizations, it's easy to mistake silence for a lack of ideas.

I've learned that's rarely the case.

Some of the most insightful people I've worked with weren't the first to speak. They were the ones quietly processing the conversation, considering the bigger picture, and identifying risks or opportunities the rest of us hadn't seen yet.

Not everyone processes information the same way.

Some people think by talking.

Others think before they talk.

As leaders, we need both.

That Simple Act Changed the Trajectory of My Confidence

One of the best leaders I ever worked for taught me something I've never forgotten. They took the time to ask for my perspective before I was confident enough to offer it. They saw value in my thoughts before I fully recognized that value myself.

That simple act changed the trajectory of my confidence.

It's a lesson I've carried throughout my career.

Today, I try to do the same for others.

Sometimes that happens during a meeting.

"I'd like to hear your thoughts."

Sometimes it happens afterward.

"I noticed you seemed to be thinking about something. Do you have a few minutes to talk?"

Those conversations have led to some of the best ideas I've heard.

Not because someone was waiting to disagree.

Because they were waiting until they felt comfortable enough to contribute.

Identifying Unrealized Potential

As leaders, we often focus on identifying high performers.

I think we should spend just as much time identifying unrealized potential.

Sometimes all that's missing is confidence.

Sometimes all it takes is someone who genuinely believes their voice belongs in the room.

That doesn't mean lowering expectations or avoiding difficult conversations.

It means leading with enough compassion to recognize that people grow differently.

Some grow through experience.

Some grow through encouragement.

Most grow because someone believed in them before they believed in themselves.

Leadership Isn't Just About Making Decisions

Leadership isn't just about making decisions.

It's about developing people who will one day make better decisions than we do.

The quiet thinker at the end of the conference table may not become your loudest leader.

But they may become your most thoughtful one.

And sometimes, all it takes is a few extra minutes after the meeting to help them discover the confidence that was there all along.

Understanding Yourself Is a Leadership Skill

One of the greatest responsibilities of leadership isn't understanding strategy.

It isn't understanding budgets.

It isn't even understanding people.

It begins with understanding ourselves.

How can we expect to recognize the strengths, motivations, and potential of others if we've never taken the time to understand our own?

Self-awareness isn't a soft skill. It's one of the most important leadership skills we'll ever develop.

Yet too often, we confuse self-awareness with self-criticism. They're not the same thing.

Self-criticism asks:

"What's wrong with me?"

Self-inquiry asks:

"How do I work?"

One searches for flaws. The other searches for understanding.

That difference changed my life.

Understanding, Not Labels

For years, I knew I learned differently. I just didn't know why.

As a teenager, I eventually stopped trying-not because I lacked intelligence or ambition, but because it's incredibly difficult to solve a problem you don't understand.

Without understanding the why, I assumed the problem was me.

Years later, while earning my GED as an adult, one of my teachers gently suggested I might have dyslexia.

For me, that moment wasn't about receiving a label. It was about gaining understanding. It answered questions I had carried for years.

More importantly, it taught me something much bigger.

Understanding ourselves isn't about discovering limitations. It's about discovering how we're uniquely wired to learn, think, communicate, and contribute.

The Clues Were There All Along

Communication quickly became my favorite subject in college. I took every communication course I could fit into my schedule because I was fascinated by the way people communicate without even realizing it.

We studied body language, perception, nonverbal communication, and the subconscious cues people send every day.

Then one day, I had a realization.

What if our lives communicate in the same way?

What if the things we're naturally drawn toward... the work that energizes us... the subjects we lose ourselves in... and the challenges that consistently drain us... are all quietly telling us something about who we are?

Without consciously planning it, I found myself gravitating toward communication, writing, history, ethics, and leadership.

I could spend hours writing, researching, organizing ideas, and refining my work.

Writing gave me something my brain appreciated: time.

Time to organize my thoughts.

Time to reread my work.

Time to catch the mistakes my brain naturally made.

A spell checker might catch a misspelled word. It won't tell me when I've written form instead of from.

At the same time, I naturally drifted away from subjects that required me to constantly fight the way my brain processed information.

For years, I interpreted those choices as weaknesses.

Looking back, they were clues.

My mind wasn't telling me what I couldn't do. It was quietly showing me where I naturally thrived.

Once I understood that, everything changed.

I stopped asking:

"Why am I not good at everything?"

And started asking:

"Where do I do my very best work?"

That's a much better question.

Curiosity Creates Better Leaders

That lesson changed far more than my education. It changed the way I lead.

Too often, organizations spend enormous energy trying to improve weaknesses. I believe great leaders ask different questions.

• What naturally energizes this person?
• Where do they lose track of time?
• How do they process information?
• What strengths are already there that no one has recognized?

Leadership isn't about helping everyone think the same way. It's about creating an environment where different ways of thinking can all succeed.

That begins with curiosity. Not assumptions. Not judgment. Curiosity.

The Power of Self-Inquiry

One of the most important lessons I've learned is this:

Our greatest growth often begins the moment we stop judging ourselves and start becoming curious about ourselves.

Self-awareness isn't about finding what's wrong with you. It's about becoming curious enough to discover what's been right all along.

• Pay attention to what energizes you.
• Pay attention to what drains you.
• Pay attention to the work that makes time disappear.
• Pay attention to the problems you naturally enjoy solving.
• Pay attention to the conversations that leave you inspired instead of exhausted.

Those aren't coincidences.

They're clues.

Your life has been communicating with you all along.

Sometimes growth doesn't begin with changing who you are. Sometimes it begins with finally understanding who you've been all along.

Because leadership doesn't begin when someone gives you a title. It begins the moment you're curious enough to understand yourself.

There Are Teachers Who Change Lives

There are teachers who teach lessons.

And then there are teachers who quietly change lives.

More than thirty years ago, while I was studying for my GED, one of my teachers handed me a short article called "The Curses of the Tongue."

It wasn't homework. It wasn't required reading. She gave it to me because she cared. She saw something in me that I couldn't yet see in myself.

At the time, I didn't fully understand why she wanted me to read it. I simply thanked her and took it home.

Years later, I realized she had given me far more than an article. She had given me a different way of speaking to myself.

The Conversations in My Own Mind

Growing up, I don't think I realized how many limiting beliefs I had accepted as truth. The conversations in my own mind sounded something like this:

"I'm behind."

"I'm not smart enough."

"Maybe this is all I'll ever be."

Those weren't just passing thoughts. They were becoming the foundation of how I saw myself.

Limiting Language

Years later, while taking one of my undergraduate communication courses, I discovered there was actually a name for much of what she had been trying to teach me. Communication scholars call it limiting language.

The words we repeatedly use don't simply describe our lives. They shape them.

The language we choose influences our beliefs. Our beliefs influence our decisions. And our decisions influence the lives we build.

I fell in love with communication. I took every communication course I could fit into my schedule because I was fascinated by the way words shape people—not just the words we speak to others, but the words we speak to ourselves.

That's when everything connected.

The lesson my GED teacher gave me years earlier wasn't simply about choosing better words. It was about learning to love myself enough to stop speaking against myself.

We Become Our Own Harshest Critics

We spend so much of our lives encouraging other people. We celebrate their victories. We offer grace when they make mistakes. We remind them they're capable. We tell them not to give up.

But somehow, when it comes to ourselves, we become our own harshest critics.

We replay our failures. We magnify our weaknesses. We convince ourselves we're behind. We speak to ourselves in ways we would never speak to someone we love.

That realization changed me—not overnight, but one conversation at a time.

Instead of saying, "I can't," I began asking, "How can I?"

Instead of thinking, "I'm not enough," I began asking, "What can I learn?"

Instead of letting self-doubt become my identity, I began letting growth become my focus.

I wasn't changing my circumstances overnight. I was changing the relationship I had with myself.

A Graduation Ceremony

When my friend Brenda and I completed our GED, my dad did something I'll never forget. He held a graduation ceremony for us—caps, gowns, the whole thing.

To the world, it may not have seemed like much.

To us, it meant everything.

Our teacher came that day. She had painted each of us a ceramic angel.

Brenda's angel had her hands raised toward the sky. She told Brenda it was a reminder to always look up.

Mine was different. My angel's hands rested over her heart. She told me it was a reminder to always look inward.

At the time, I thought she was giving me a beautiful keepsake.

Today, I realize she was giving me a compass.

She's Moved with Me from Home to Home

It's been thirty-one years.

The angel has been broken. I've carefully glued her back together.

She's moved with me from home to home, through every chapter of my life.

I still have her.

Every time I see that angel, I think about the teacher who believed a young woman earning her GED deserved to believe in herself. I think about the kindness behind that simple article. I think about the lesson she hoped I would carry.

And I realize...

I did.

Not because I remembered every word on the page, but because I never forgot how she made me feel.

She made me believe I was worth speaking kindly to.

The Most Important Conversation

If there's one lesson I've carried with me all these years, it's this:

The most important conversation you'll ever have is the one you have with yourself.

Choose your words with care.

Offer yourself the same grace you so freely give others.

Encourage yourself the way you encourage the people you love.

Because self-love doesn't begin in the mirror.

It begins in the quiet moments, when no one else is listening except you.