The Angel She Gave Me
How a simple lesson about self-compassion transformed my relationship with myself.
There Are Teachers Who Change Lives
There are teachers who teach lessons.
And then there are teachers who quietly change lives.
More than thirty years ago, while I was studying for my GED, one of my teachers handed me a short article called "The Curses of the Tongue."
It wasn't homework. It wasn't required reading. She gave it to me because she cared. She saw something in me that I couldn't yet see in myself.
At the time, I didn't fully understand why she wanted me to read it. I simply thanked her and took it home.
Years later, I realized she had given me far more than an article. She had given me a different way of speaking to myself.
The Conversations in My Own Mind
Growing up, I don't think I realized how many limiting beliefs I had accepted as truth. The conversations in my own mind sounded something like this:
"I'm behind."
"I'm not smart enough."
"Maybe this is all I'll ever be."
Those weren't just passing thoughts. They were becoming the foundation of how I saw myself.
Limiting Language
Years later, while taking one of my undergraduate communication courses, I discovered there was actually a name for much of what she had been trying to teach me. Communication scholars call it limiting language.
The words we repeatedly use don't simply describe our lives. They shape them.
The language we choose influences our beliefs. Our beliefs influence our decisions. And our decisions influence the lives we build.
I fell in love with communication. I took every communication course I could fit into my schedule because I was fascinated by the way words shape people—not just the words we speak to others, but the words we speak to ourselves.
That's when everything connected.
The lesson my GED teacher gave me years earlier wasn't simply about choosing better words. It was about learning to love myself enough to stop speaking against myself.
We Become Our Own Harshest Critics
We spend so much of our lives encouraging other people. We celebrate their victories. We offer grace when they make mistakes. We remind them they're capable. We tell them not to give up.
But somehow, when it comes to ourselves, we become our own harshest critics.
We replay our failures. We magnify our weaknesses. We convince ourselves we're behind. We speak to ourselves in ways we would never speak to someone we love.
That realization changed me—not overnight, but one conversation at a time.
Instead of saying, "I can't," I began asking, "How can I?"
Instead of thinking, "I'm not enough," I began asking, "What can I learn?"
Instead of letting self-doubt become my identity, I began letting growth become my focus.
I wasn't changing my circumstances overnight. I was changing the relationship I had with myself.
A Graduation Ceremony
When my friend Brenda and I completed our GED, my dad did something I'll never forget. He held a graduation ceremony for us—caps, gowns, the whole thing.
To the world, it may not have seemed like much.
To us, it meant everything.
Our teacher came that day. She had painted each of us a ceramic angel.
Brenda's angel had her hands raised toward the sky. She told Brenda it was a reminder to always look up.
Mine was different. My angel's hands rested over her heart. She told me it was a reminder to always look inward.
At the time, I thought she was giving me a beautiful keepsake.
Today, I realize she was giving me a compass.
She's Moved with Me from Home to Home
It's been thirty-one years.
The angel has been broken. I've carefully glued her back together.
She's moved with me from home to home, through every chapter of my life.
I still have her.
Every time I see that angel, I think about the teacher who believed a young woman earning her GED deserved to believe in herself. I think about the kindness behind that simple article. I think about the lesson she hoped I would carry.
And I realize...
I did.
Not because I remembered every word on the page, but because I never forgot how she made me feel.
She made me believe I was worth speaking kindly to.
The Most Important Conversation
If there's one lesson I've carried with me all these years, it's this:
The most important conversation you'll ever have is the one you have with yourself.
Choose your words with care.
Offer yourself the same grace you so freely give others.
Encourage yourself the way you encourage the people you love.
Because self-love doesn't begin in the mirror.
It begins in the quiet moments, when no one else is listening except you.
