How She Learned to Be a Beginner Again

One of the most significant times I became a beginner again happened in a role I hadn't planned to have. At Florida SouthWestern State College, my supervisor and mentor, the AVP of Student Affairs and Dean of Students, was let go. Dr. Hagan had been an important influence on my leadership, particularly in teaching me to approach student conduct developmentally rather than punitively. When he left, the Vice President of Student Affairs asked me to lead the Dean of Students Office until the position could be officially posted. I had never served in that role before. And I was grieving the loss of my mentor at the same time I was being asked to step into the role he had held. I had to learn quickly. I asked questions, relied on people around me, and figured out what I didn't know. Over the course of about a year, I began to realize that I wasn't simply keeping the office running I was making a difference across the areas I was responsible for. I had developed the conduct processes, procedures, and communications that the office needed, and I had found a leadership approach that felt authentically mine. Then the organization changed. The division was restructured, the AVP of Student Affairs position was eliminated, and the Dean of Students role was assigned elsewhere. My contract was renegotiated, and I moved into an Associate Dean of Student Affairs and Campus Engagement role. It was disheartening, particularly because I had invested so much in building the conduct program. But I had a simple philosophy: leave it better than you found it. I had done that, so I moved forward. About six months later, I was told that my contract would not be renewed. Suddenly, I was a beginner again in a completely different way. I had to figure out what came next. I interviewed for positions at the University of Houston-Clear Lake and Georgia Southern University. Both offered me positions. I was especially drawn to the opportunity at Georgia Southern because it would have allowed me to remain in Student Advocacy, but the compensation was significantly below what I had been earning and below the offer from UHCL. I ultimately chose to return to transfer advising at UHCL. At first, I worried that I was going backward. I had just been serving as an Associate Dean, and now I was returning to an area of higher education I had worked in before. I wondered whether I had more to offer and whether I was stepping back into something I had already outgrown. What I couldn't see at the time was that I wasn't going backward. I was bringing everything I had learned with me. The leadership experience I gained at Florida SouthWestern changed the way I approached advising. I returned to transfer work with a broader understanding of student development, organizational leadership, advocacy, and the systems that surround students. That experience ultimately became the beginning of more than nine years at UHCL and eventually led me to the Dean of Student Success role I hold today. Being a beginner again taught me that starting over doesn't mean starting from scratch. Sometimes you have to step into something unfamiliar, sometimes you have to let go of something you worked hard to build, and sometimes the next step looks like a step backward. But everything you've learned comes with you. I didn't get to control how that chapter ended, but I could control what I left behind and what I did next.

I felt like a beginner again when after nearly 40 years I returned to the classroom to earn my doctorate in education. I felt like a beginner but I fell right back into "student mode" as the familiar pace of life, work, and school all came back to me. The goal of earning the Ed.D. compelled me to "start anew" and apply the lessons to showing up as a "lifelong learner."

A time when I became a beginner again was in 2005, when I walked away from a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage. The hard parts were having to walk away from my son when I ended up homeless and pushing myself through the entirety of Army Basic Combat Training. It was hard knowing that quitting wouldn't be an option for me, because I had nowhere else to go. This taught me to be independent, and self-sufficient taking on my own living expenses: rent, cell phone, car payment and taking care of myself on a Private First-Class salary. In a nutshell the scriptures: Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. To give you hope and a future." and Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see." I'm confident in stating that I am proof of both of those.