An Ounce of Regret Calls for a Pound of Resilience

The Influential Woman's Recipe for Faith, Flow, and Magnificence

Ronell is 16. My "Song of God" is my greatest accomplishment and my hardest test.

Sixteen years ago, I became a mother. Today, that baby is an amazing young man—tall, handsome, athletic, loving, caring, kind, and strong.

I looked at the well-scripted schedule I had planned for releasing my memoir, Letters to My Son: The Not So Magnificent Years, by his sixteenth birthday. Then I sank back into my chair, trying to recall the many avoidable and unavoidable interruptions, instances of procrastination, and challenges that had delayed its completion.

Tons of women, regardless of socioeconomic status, race, religion, or sexual orientation, are working to make a positive difference in the world across a wide range of sectors. Yet somewhere between our ambitions, responsibilities, goals, and expectations, we sometimes find ourselves adding a heaping spoonful of regret to our "Influential Woman" recipe.

I thought about how my own thoughts of being the worst mom on earth had sometimes kept me from sticking to the plan. I thought about the many tasks expected of a literacy teacher and how my desire to "stay on top of things" often left me feeling as though I were drowning under the pressure, with the memoir becoming the last thing on my mind.

Then I thought about the goals I had accomplished, including completing the 60-hour Resiliency Educator Training.

Sixty hours!

Was I putting all these obligations before my son? Was I allowing my professional commitments and ambitions to take precedence over something deeply personal and meaningful?

Or had I allowed my disappointment in what I had not accomplished to overshadow the significance of what I was still striving to become?

I felt my head lead my willing hands toward the jar of regrets tucked away at the back of life's pantry. Without thinking, I scooped a little more than the recommended serving into my Influential Woman recipe.

Then I stopped.

Thankfully, I hadn't stirred or shaken anything!

I reached for the measuring cup of faith, positive thinking, and perseverance—ingredients straight from my personal mission statement—and added sixteen times as much resilience.

That's right. Sixteen times!

For every one ounce of regret, add one pound of resilience.

There is no set recipe for being an Influential Woman. Sometimes we are our own hardest and most severe critics. We measure our accomplishments against timelines, our decisions against expectations, and our worth against outcomes that do not always unfold as planned.

But perhaps we need to reconsider what it truly means to be influential.

The word influence comes from the Latin influentia, meaning "a flowing in" or "an influx." It is derived from the Latin in, meaning "into," and fluere, meaning "to flow."

Literally, influence means "to flow into."

Think about that for a moment.

On good days, water flows smoothly down a stream. The current gently carries small objects along the way. But when larger rocks or obstacles interrupt its path, the water must find another way. Sometimes it flows around them. Sometimes it gathers strength. Sometimes it changes direction altogether.

And then there are storms.

Storms can intensify the current, disturb the riverbed, and muddy waters that were once clear. Yet the water's temporary condition does not necessarily determine the nature of the stream or its ultimate destination.

Perhaps influence is not simply what flows from us into others' lives, but also what we choose to carry forward when life's currents become difficult.

As influential women, perhaps the only suggested formula is to keep flowing.

Flow when things get hard. Regroup when necessary and return to the current with renewed purpose.

Flow when others are unable to be what we want them to be in our lives.

Flow when the sizes we want to wear don't fit.

Flow when finances are funny.

Flow when our carefully scripted plans become unscripted lessons.

Flow despite regrets, and build enough resilience for the journey.

In my own case, I considered the implications for educational leadership, motherhood, and human relationships.

If influence means to flow into, then I must ask:

What flows from me into the lives of others?

Is it courage or fear? Wisdom or resentment? Hope or discouragement? Purpose or insecurity?

And equally important, what am I allowing to flow into my own life?

God gifted me an amazing son sixteen years ago, two weeks before my own birthday. I do have some regrets, but they cannot, must not, interrupt my flow.

I cannot change every decision I made, recover every missed opportunity, or rewrite every chapter of the years that have passed. But I can remain accountable for my choices without allowing regret to become the author of the years I still have ahead of me.

I may not be the perfect mom, but as long as I have life, I must remain intentional about demonstrating to my blessing, Ronell, that our disappointments need not diminish our capacity to love, grow, serve, and become.

And perhaps that is one of the greatest lessons I can offer him—not that his mother always got everything right, but that she continued striving to live with faith, purpose, courage, and love, even when the journey was far more difficult than she had imagined.

On this, your milestone birthday, Ronell, please know this:

"Influence is not measured merely by the power we exercise over others, but by the values, beliefs, and possibilities we allow to flow from our lives into theirs. Magnificence demands that what flows from us leaves others strengthened, not diminished."

And as I approach my own birthday, to all my beautiful Influential Women who love me unconditionally, and to every woman navigating the delicate balance between ambition, obligation, motherhood, relationships, and personal purpose, remember this:

Influence is not synonymous with impact. Influence is the process through which change may occur; impact is the effect that remains.

We cannot always control the obstacles in our paths, the storms that interrupt our journeys, or the timelines against which we measure our achievements. But we can be intentional about what we allow to flow through us and what we leave behind in others' lives.

And when regret finds its way into the recipe, as it sometimes will, remember to adjust the measurements.

After all, the goal remains to carry a beautiful 16-to-1 ratio of resilience to regret.

One ounce of regret. One pound of resilience.

Sail On. Soar Above. Be Magnificent.

Michelle Kelva Agard Creator, The MAGNIFICENCE™ Framework