Climbing While Breaking: How to navigate a Toxic Relationship w/o Losing Yourself

How to Reclaim Your Dreams While Rebuilding Yourself in a Toxic Relationship

Myah Shakur

Owner and Licensed Nail Technician, Certified Life Coach, Community Service Advocate

Topcoat24 LLC

There was a version of me that knew how to keep going even when I was falling apart.

I could get dressed, go to work, handle my responsibilities, answer the phone, show up for other people, and keep a smile on my face while carrying things nobody knew I was dealing with behind closed doors.

I was still ambitious. I still had dreams. I still wanted more for my life.

But there were moments when I was trying to climb professionally while emotionally struggling to breathe personally.

And that's a different kind of exhaustion.

Because when you're dealing with a toxic relationship, you don't always have the luxury of putting everything down and saying, "I need time to figure myself out."

Life doesn't stop.

• The bills still come.
• The work still needs to get done.
• Your children still need you.
• Your business still needs attention.
• Your career is still moving.

And somehow, you're expected to keep moving with it.

I know what it's like to be the woman who looks like she has it together while privately asking herself, How much longer can I live like this?

What I eventually realized was that I wasn't just trying to build a career.

I was trying to rebuild me.

And the hardest part wasn't always figuring out how to leave what was hurting me.

Sometimes the hardest part was learning how to stop letting what was hurting me determine who I was becoming.

You Can Be Successful and Still Be Struggling

One of the biggest misconceptions about women who are successful-or trying to become successful-is that achievement means everything in their lives must be working.

It doesn't.

You can be building a career and questioning your relationship.

You can be starting a business while crying behind closed doors.

You can be the woman everyone comes to for advice while privately wondering how much longer you can keep carrying your own situation.

You can look completely put together and still be emotionally depleted.

That doesn't make you weak.

It makes you human.

But there comes a point when you have to ask yourself a difficult question:

How much of my potential am I spending trying to survive something that keeps hurting me?

Toxic Love Can Become a Distraction From Your Purpose

Toxic relationships don't always look like chaos every day.

Sometimes the relationship is confusing.

• There are good days.
• There are apologies.
• There are promises.
• There are moments that remind you why you fell in love in the first place.

And then there are the moments that leave you questioning yourself again.

That cycle can consume an incredible amount of mental and emotional energy.

You're not just dealing with the relationship itself. You're trying to understand it.

• Why did they say that?
• Why did they change?
• Maybe I overreacted.
• Maybe things will get better.
• Maybe this time will be different.

Meanwhile, your dreams are sitting in the corner waiting for you.

• Your business is waiting.
• Your career is waiting.
• Your creativity is waiting.
• Your peace is waiting.

And eventually, you realize that you cannot keep putting your life on hold while waiting for another person to become who you need them to be.

You Have to Stop Abandoning Yourself

For me, one of the hardest lessons was realizing that staying connected to someone does not mean I have to stay disconnected from myself.

I had to learn the difference between loving somebody and losing myself trying to love them.

Those are not the same thing.

You can care about someone and still have boundaries.

You can understand someone's struggles without making them your responsibility.

You can acknowledge someone's growth without pretending their growth has made the relationship healthy for you.

And you can love someone deeply while realizing that the relationship is no longer giving you what you need to feel emotionally safe.

That realization can hurt.

But sometimes the truth hurts less than continuing to betray yourself.

Keep Climbing-Even If You Have to Climb Slowly

When you're emotionally overwhelmed, motivation doesn't always look like waking up at 5 a.m. and conquering the world.

Sometimes motivation looks like getting out of bed.

• Answering the email.
• Going to work.
• Submitting the application.
• Making the phone call.
• Finishing the certification.
• Taking the meeting.
• Putting money aside.
• Working on your business for thirty minutes after everyone goes to sleep.

It may not look impressive from the outside.

But you're still moving.

And movement matters.

I learned that I didn't have to have my entire life figured out before I could begin rebuilding it.

Sometimes you rebuild yourself one decision at a time.

Protect the Vision

When you're trying to climb professionally, you have to become protective of your vision.

• Not everybody deserves access to your plans.
• Not everybody needs to know what you're building.
• And not every argument deserves your energy.

There was a time when I could lose an entire day emotionally because something happened in a relationship.

Eventually, I had to ask myself:

"Is this worth taking me away from the woman I'm becoming?"

That question changed the way I moved.

• Because your attention is a resource.
• Your emotional energy is a resource.
• Your time is a resource.

And if you're constantly spending all three trying to stabilize someone else's behavior, you have very little left to build your own future.

Don't Confuse Familiar With Healthy

One of the hardest things about toxic relationships is that familiarity can feel like comfort.

• You know the person.
• You know their patterns.
• You know their moods.
• You know what comes after the argument.
• You know the apology.
• You know the good version of them.

And because you have history, leaving can feel like you're throwing away everything you've invested.

But history is not the same thing as compatibility.

Love is not the same thing as safety.

And longevity is not proof that something is healthy.

Sometimes the relationship has lasted because you have spent years learning how to survive it.

That's a very different thing from thriving inside it.

You Don't Have to Become Cold to Become Strong

I don't believe healing requires becoming hard.

I don't want to become a woman who doesn't love.

I want to become a woman who loves herself enough to recognize when something is costing her too much.

There is a difference between having a soft heart and having weak boundaries.

There is a difference between forgiveness and unlimited access.

There is a difference between compassion and self-abandonment.

Strength isn't always walking away immediately.

• Sometimes strength is finally admitting the truth to yourself.
• Sometimes strength is creating a financial plan.
• Sometimes strength is talking to someone you trust.
• Sometimes strength is getting professional support.
• Sometimes strength is quietly preparing for a different life.
• And sometimes strength is choosing yourself even when choosing yourself hurts.

Your Career Cannot Heal What Your Relationship Keeps Breaking

Your career can give you purpose.

Your business can give you independence.

Your accomplishments can give you confidence.

But none of those things should become a substitute for dealing with what is happening in your personal life.

You can climb the corporate ladder and still be emotionally drowning.

You can become financially successful and still feel trapped.

You can accomplish every goal on your vision board and still not feel free.

That's why the climb has to include you.

• Not just the title.
• Not just the money.
• Not just the business.
• Not just the recognition.
• You.
• Your emotional health.
• Your boundaries.
• Your peace.
• Your identity.
• Your ability to trust yourself again.

There Is Life Beyond the Relationship

One of the most powerful things you can do when you're caught in a toxic relationship is begin remembering who you are outside of it.

• What did you want before this relationship?
• What did you dream about?
• What did you enjoy?
• Who were you before you started constantly trying to make someone else happy?
• What would you build if you weren't spending so much time trying to fix something that isn't yours to fix?

Start there.

• Maybe it's a class.
• Maybe it's a business idea.
• Maybe it's therapy.
• Maybe it's reconnecting with your friends.
• Maybe it's going back to school.
• Maybe it's getting your finances together.
• Maybe it's simply learning how to sit with yourself again.

You don't have to rebuild your entire life overnight.

You just have to start returning to yourself.

Keep Climbing

I don't know what your relationship looks like.

I don't know how long you've been there.

I don't know how complicated the situation is.

But I know this:

You deserve a life that doesn't require you to constantly abandon yourself to maintain it.

Don't allow someone else's inability to love you properly to become evidence that you are unworthy of love.

Don't allow a painful relationship to convince you that your dreams need to wait.

And don't allow your current circumstances to become your identity.

• Keep working.
• Keep learning.
• Keep building.
• Keep saving.
• Keep networking.
• Keep becoming.

And if you're moving slowly because you're carrying something heavy, give yourself grace.

But don't stop climbing.

Because there may come a day when you look back and realize that the hardest climb wasn't the career.

It was the climb back to yourself.

And that climb may be the most important one you ever make.

~Myah <3