Communicating with others
Breaking Through Barriers: The Art of Understanding Others in a Complex World
There are always language barriers and cultural barriers almost everywhere in the world. I have always lived in Texas, so I have grown up around both Spanish and English. One of my grandmothers went to Mexico when she was about 18 years old as a missionary and frequently spoke to others in Spanish. I learned a little bit here and there. When I was 13, I chose to go to Peru on a mission trip and knew almost no Spanish. When I came back, I made sure to learn it in school—and I never stopped using it. I went to Peru again as an adult and needed it. I went to Haiti and needed it there too. In the job I have now, knowing even a small amount of Spanish helps when a translator is hard to find.
However, I never expected to encounter people from Africa at work who speak a tribal language to each other right in front of me. The nice thing is that they offered to teach me. But sometimes it isn’t just language barriers that make communication difficult—it’s cultural barriers we struggle to understand at work.
During COVID, I worked from home like much of the world. But I am a people-focused person, so I was grateful when I switched to my current job as a correctional officer. I am always around people now. I learned a long time ago that people communicate with more than just their words. Tone matters. Body language matters. Communication is never as simple as “keeping it simple, stupid.” It is a process. Everyone sees things differently, and cultural differences create plenty of opportunities for misunderstanding.
I remember when I worked at DaVita Rx before the pharmacy closed—I would get so tired of everything being communicated through email. Sometimes it isn’t what is communicated but how it is communicated that causes misunderstanding. It’s best to remember that rarely does anyone perfectly say what they mean the first time in any language. I know there are books that teach people how to read body language. I skimmed one once, and honestly, so much of it depends on the person.
When I was working on my associate degree at Tarrant County College, one of my sisters and I were paired together for a communication assignment. Even though I had known her my whole life, I learned very quickly that she communicated very differently than I did. Our drawing results were no better than our classmates’—it didn’t matter who was explaining or who was drawing. No two people communicate perfectly.
In a world that is moving rapidly away from in-person interaction, it is vital to know when a phone call is necessary or when a Zoom meeting is better. Letter writing isn’t as popular as it used to be. My stepfather told me how he once had to share a phone with neighbors, and everyone had fun just trying to figure out who the call was for.
No matter the cause of a communication misunderstanding, it is important to keep trying—to understand others and to help them understand the message as best as possible.
I’m not sure how many people agree with Plato’s Allegory of the Cave, but I do think communication can sometimes feel like talking to others from inside a cave. It is rarely quiet when we communicate. Everyone carries internal noise that no one else can see.
Being around people instead of being alone has taught me that we truly need each other. We may not need a large group, but we do need a friend like King David had in Jonathan—a friend closer than a brother, someone we can trust with our struggles. Some cultures seem more outwardly friendly than others, and people say many things about different cultures. But at the end of the day, it is best to remember that the person standing in front of you is human and has lived through things they may never communicate.
I really enjoyed reading Henry Cloud’s book Safe People. It helped me understand which friendships to invest in and which ones not to. If someone says something hurtful, it is often best to take it with a grain of salt. People tend to say things they don’t mean when they are upset, and sometimes we unintentionally upset each other at work. That doesn’t mean you have to like them, or that they have to like you. My stepfather once taught me the word HALT—if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, stop and address it. Misunderstandings can easily happen because of those things, and no one realizes it until the day is over. A hurting person often hurts other people. That’s why boundaries are necessary with people who continue to be hurtful. There are great books about boundaries as well, including work by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. I’ve also read many books by Joyce Meyer that I found helpful. It took me a while to finish Healing the Soul of a Woman, where she mentioned a Cherokee story about feeding the right wolf so that it grows stronger. Not everyone feeds the good wolf.
It is best to take each communication opportunity one at a time and do the best we can for everyone involved. People aren’t always great communicators, and sometimes it isn’t even about the words. Sometimes rephrasing is necessary so the other person can understand the message being sent.
