Borrowed Confidence
Why Confidence Comes After Action, Not Before
Many of the most meaningful opportunities in life arrive before we feel fully prepared for them.
Looking back on my career, I have learned that confidence is often built through action, not beforehand.
If you had asked me twenty years ago whether I would one day own a business, serve as a Chief Financial Officer, advocate for students with disabilities, or run for public office, I probably would have laughed.
Like many women, I spent much of my early career believing confidence was something people possessed before taking a leap. I assumed successful people felt certain before starting a business, accepting a leadership role, or stepping into the public eye.
What I've learned instead is that confidence usually comes afterward.
One of the most influential moments in my early career
One of the most influential moments in my early career happened during a job interview. At the end of the interview, the owner looked at me and said, "You're a great candidate, but I don't think this job is right for you. You're overqualified. One day you're going to run your own business."
At the time, I didn't fully believe him.
But he saw something in me that I hadn't yet learned to see in myself.
A few years later, when I was considering starting my own business, I found myself questioning whether I was ready. I worried about failing. I worried about whether I knew enough. I worried about whether I could build something sustainable.
My father listened patiently and then offered simple advice that has stayed with me ever since.
"Bet on yourself. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain."
Neither of them could give me confidence. What they gave me was something just as valuable: belief. Sometimes that's enough to help us take the first step.
The opportunities that shaped my life
Over the years, I've realized that the opportunities that shaped my life most often arrived before I felt prepared for them. Starting a business. Becoming a mother. Navigating complex educational and healthcare systems. Leading organizations. Speaking publicly. Running for public office.
None of those experiences came with a guarantee that I would succeed.
What they did provide was an opportunity to learn, adapt, and grow.
As the mother of two neurodiverse sons, including one on the autism spectrum, I have often found myself in rooms where I needed to advocate for my children despite feeling uncertain. There were meetings where I didn't have all the answers. There were situations that felt overwhelming. There were moments when I wondered whether I was doing enough.
Yet each experience taught me something important: confidence is not the absence of uncertainty. Confidence is the willingness to move forward despite it.
The same principle applies to leadership.
Some of the strongest leaders I have worked with are not the loudest people in the room. They are the people willing to ask questions, listen carefully, learn continuously, and make thoughtful decisions even when the path forward is unclear.
They understand that leadership is not about projecting certainty. It is about having the courage to act when certainty doesn't exist.
Much of my early confidence was borrowed before it became my own.
Looking back, I realize much of my early confidence was borrowed before it became my own.
I borrowed it from mentors who saw potential before I did, family members who encouraged me, colleagues who trusted me, and friends who reminded me of my strengths when I struggled to see them myself.
Eventually, those borrowed pieces of confidence became experience.
And experience became confidence.
Don't wait until you feel completely ready.
If there is one lesson I hope other women take away, it is this: don't wait until you feel completely ready.
You may never feel completely ready.
Take the meeting. Apply for the position. Start the business. Volunteer. Share your ideas. Trust your instincts.
Confidence isn't usually what comes first.
Action is.
Confidence follows.
Sometimes, all it takes is someone believing in you until you're ready to believe in yourself.
