Illness Doesn’t Pause the Rest of Life
Finding Connection When Life's Demands Threaten Your Relationship
Illness Doesn't Pause the Rest of Life
One of the hardest parts about illness is that life does not stop just because your family receives difficult news.
The diagnosis comes. And somehow, the bills are still due. The children still need you. Work still has deadlines. Appointments have to be scheduled. Medications have to be managed. Dinner still has to be figured out.
That is real life.
I watched this as a young adult when my parents were navigating cancer while raising five children and running their businesses. Years later, I experienced another side of it when illness entered my own marriage.
And one thing I learned is this:
When so much suddenly needs attention, communication between husband and wife can easily become all business.
- "What time is the appointment?"
- "Did you call the doctor?"
- "Did you pick up the prescription?"
- "What did they say?"
Those conversations are necessary.
But when nearly every conversation becomes about managing the illness or managing the household, the relationship can quietly get pushed to the side.
That does not mean the love is gone. Sometimes, both people are simply trying to keep everything moving.
One spouse may be dealing with what is happening physically. The other may be trying to manage the schedule, the family, the finances, and their own emotions at the same time.
Both people can be tired. Both people can be scared.
So every now and then, there also needs to be room for one simple question:
"How are you doing with all of this?"
Not what needs to happen next. Not what the doctor said. Just, "How are you?"
Because the diagnosis may belong to one person, but the experience enters the marriage.
And sometimes, protecting the connection starts with remembering that there are still two people underneath everything that needs to be handled.
Talk. Listen. Connect.™
— Coach Trinette L. Collier-Greene
Relationship & Marriage Communication Coach
