Influence Beyond the Sheets
Never Underestimate Your Influence Beyond the Sheets
What if we carried some of the best qualities of intimacy beyond the sheets?
Think about what makes healthy intimacy fulfilling: vulnerability, honesty, openness, attentiveness, affirmation, reciprocity, trust, pleasure, and Presence.
Now imagine intentionally carrying those qualities into the rest of our lives.
Imagine the pleasure of an orgasm lasting all day.
Not literally.
Imagine instead carrying that sense of release, satisfaction, connection, joy, and aliveness beyond the bedroom and into the places where we live, work, lead, and serve.
What happens when we stop performing versions of ourselves and show up as ourselves?
What happens when we become fully present?
Take the Presence With You
Healthy intimacy requires Presence.
It is difficult to experience genuine connection while mentally responding to emails, replaying an argument, worrying about tomorrow, or calculating everything that is waiting to be done.
The same is true of purpose.
How often are we physically present in our classrooms, courtrooms, boardrooms, businesses, homes, and communities while our minds and hearts are somewhere else?
What if we approached purpose with some of the anticipation we bring to a special evening when a happy ending is expected?
- Prepare.
- Show up.
- Participate.
- Respond.
- Pay attention.
- Give something of yourself to the experience.
- Remain present long enough to receive something in return.
Perhaps some of our professional climaxes would become absolutely exhilarating—not only for us but also for the people we serve.
Imagine carrying that level of Presence into our courtrooms, classrooms, boardrooms, businesses, communities, and homes.
Turn the Groans Into Gratitude
There is another lesson intimacy can teach us.
When a partner does something that pleases us, we usually communicate approval.
- A smile.
- A word.
- A look.
- A sound.
- A thank-you.
We communicate: Yes. That mattered. I appreciate what you just did.
Yet outside intimate relationships, people frequently do meaningful things for us and receive silence in return.
We notice mistakes immediately, but sometimes treat excellence as expected.
We complain about poor service but forget to acknowledge exceptional service.
We identify what our colleagues failed to do but overlook what they quietly accomplish every day.
We correct children repeatedly without always affirming what they are getting right.
What if some of our groans became gratitude instead of grumbling?
What might happen in our workplaces, families, friendships, and communities if affirmation became as natural as criticism?
- Tell people when they have served well.
- Supported well.
- Taught well.
- Led well.
- Loved well.
- Listened well.
- Or simply made your day a little easier.
Pleasure should not be the only experience that makes us vocal.
Gratitude deserves a sound too.
Vulnerability Beyond the Bedroom
Healthy intimacy also requires vulnerability.
Not recklessness. Not oversharing. Not abandoning boundaries.
Vulnerability.
There is strength in being able to say:
- I don't know.
- I need help.
- I was wrong.
- That hurt me.
- I appreciate you.
- I love you.
- Thank you.
- I need something different.
Imagine what could happen if more leaders could say those things.
Imagine what could happen in families.
- Schools.
- Organizations.
- Friendships.
- Communities.
Vulnerability does not eliminate standards or accountability. Honesty does not require cruelty. Kindness does not require weakness.
We can be positive without pretending everything is perfect.
Kind without becoming passive.
Honest without becoming harmful.
Vulnerable without abandoning discernment.
Open about who we are, clear about what we need, generous about what we can give, and intentional about the influence we leave behind.
Intimacy, Worship, and Presence
For me, intimacy and worship share something sacred: both can require surrender, trust, Presence, and love.
They are certainly not the same experience.
One expresses my relationship with God. The other can express profound love and connection with a chosen partner.
But both remind me of what happens when we stop merely occupying space and become fully present within it.
Presence changes experiences.
- When we are present, we listen differently.
- We notice differently.
- We love differently.
- We serve differently.
- We influence differently.
Perhaps that is one reason intimacy can teach us something valuable about influence.
Influence is rarely just about what we say.
It is also about how people experience us.
Our Lives Are Filled With Sheets
Perhaps the title itself holds the lesson.
Our lives are filled with sheets.
- Bedsheets upon which we love.
- Sheets of paper upon which we plan, teach, write, calculate, advocate, create, negotiate, dream, and make decisions.
- And countless sheets of service upon which our influence is quietly recorded every day.
So why should some of our most powerful qualities remain beneath the covers?
- Bring the honesty.
- Bring the vulnerability.
- Bring the passion.
- Bring the gratitude.
- Bring the willingness to give—and the wisdom to receive.
- Bring the person who knows how to be fully present.
Imagine if we engaged our purpose as willingly as we engage in pleasurable intimacy.
That is more than intimacy.
That is influence.
In a world wrestling with stress, financial pressure, divisiveness, uncertainty, loneliness, and countless forces that can create chaos, we may not be able to control everything happening around us.
But we can control something about what happens because of us.
- We can decide how we enter a room.
- How we treat people.
- How generously we affirm.
- How honestly we communicate.
- How passionately we serve.
- How intentionally we love.
- And how fully we show up.
Perhaps our greatest influence begins when we stop compartmentalizing the most powerful parts of ourselves and allow the qualities that make healthy intimacy beautiful to shape how we teach, lead, serve, create, work, love, and live.
So, by all means, enjoy your sheets.
- Relish the intimacy.
- Celebrate the pleasure.
- Express the love.
But when morning comes and your feet hit the floor, take some of that beautiful energy with you.
The world could use it.
Never underestimate your influence beyond the sheets.
