Is Love Chivalry Romance and Together Forever Dead?
Reclaiming Romance: How Belief, Expectation, and Self-Respect Shape the Love We Attract and Receive
"I Love Loving You and Being Loved by You."
Maybe it was the countless hours spent reading Mills & Boon novels or my healthy obsession with Titanic, Love & Basketball, The Best Man, Maid in Manhattan, Pretty Woman, and The Wedding Planner. Whatever the reason, I still love the idea of candlelight dinners, long romantic walks and conversations, kisses that seem to make time stand still, spontaneous trips, and that occasional twinkle in the eye or gentle touch that sends goosebumps and butterflies through a significant other.
Of course, there is also the joy of a good joke and a hearty laugh shared between two people who genuinely enjoy each other's company.
Am I alone?
The prevalence of social media's obsession with narcissism, relationship failures, and endless advice about what men and women are doing wrong often overshadows conversations about what is right. We hear plenty about toxic behaviors, red flags, and disappointment, but far less about the positive attributes and actions associated with being in love, standing in love, and choosing love.
Personalized song creations are catchy, but have women lost their strategic enchantment—the ability to invite love and romance into their lives?
Strategic enchantment is not manipulation or performance. It is the art of remaining open, gracious, hopeful, and authentically feminine while refusing to compromise one's dignity.
In her classic book The Game of Life and How to Play It, Florence Scovel Shinn offers powerful insights about expectation, belief, and manifestation. Shinn does not promise that every person will be loving, romantic, chivalrous, or committed. Rather, she suggests that we often attract experiences that align with our beliefs, expectations, self-concept, and the energy we consistently project into the world.
If we expect disappointment, we may become blind to possibilities.
If we believe healthy love exists, we become better able to recognize and receive it.
Take a walk with me on a beach in the Caribbean just before dusk. Cool sea breezes and soft white sand surround us. Give me your hand. Each finger represents a concept. It is you and your significant other. Your five fingers and theirs are interlocked.
Let's bring back the love.
Thumbs Up: Love Attracts Love
"If he gives love, he will receive love."
Love, romance, kindness, and devotion are not extinct. We may simply need to become the kind of people who recognize, receive, and reciprocate these qualities when they appear.
Pointer Finger: What We Expect Shapes What We Experience
Our imagination and expectations influence our reality. If every conversation about relationships centers on betrayal, disappointment, and scarcity, eventually we may begin to believe that healthy love is impossible.
Are we protecting ourselves from heartbreak, or are we training ourselves not to recognize love when it appears?
Middle Finger: The Right Person Versus Any Person
Shinn speaks of "Divine Selection" or the "right friend." Rather than forcing a specific outcome, we should seek what is aligned with our highest good.
- The goal is not merely to attract someone.
- The goal is to attract the right person.
- A person whose values align with ours.
- A person capable of reciprocity.
- A person whose presence enhances rather than diminishes our Magnificence.
Ring Finger: Real Love Is Not Possession
"Pure, unselfish love draws to itself its own."
- Love is not chasing.
- Love is not convincing.
- Love is not proving our worth.
- Love is not shrinking ourselves to be chosen.
- Love is allowing what is meant for us to arrive while maintaining our dignity.
That is Noble Self-Respect.
Pinky Finger: Words Matter
Words are powerful, and they shape our experiences.
How often do we say:
- "There are no good men."
- "All women are the same."
- "Love doesn't last."
- "Chivalry is dead."
What if those statements become the lenses through which we interpret our experiences?
Florence Scovel Shinn taught that life responds to what we consistently believe, expect, and affirm.
Perhaps love, romance, chivalry, and forever have not disappeared.
Perhaps they are waiting for those courageous enough to believe they still exist.
From the lens of The MAGNIFICENCE™ Framework, love is not about finding someone to complete us. It is about becoming so aligned with our purpose, values, and self-respect that we can recognize and receive relationships that honor our Magnificence.
The question may not be whether love still exists.
The question may be whether we still believe it does.
Perhaps love, romance, chivalry, and forever are not relics of the past.
Perhaps they are possibilities waiting for those courageous enough to believe, recognize, receive, and reciprocate them.
Because, for me, I still love loving you and being loved by you.
The MAGNIFICENCE™ Framework Components Reflected in This Article
The framework components captured in this article include:
- N — Noble Self-Respect
- Understanding that love begins with honoring oneself and refusing to abandon personal dignity for the sake of being chosen.
- A — Authenticity Without Apology
- Remaining open to love while embracing who we are without pretending, performing, or diminishing ourselves.
- G — Grace With Boundaries
- Balancing compassion, openness, and vulnerability with the wisdom to maintain healthy boundaries.
- N — Narrative Ownership
- Recognizing that our past experiences do not have to dictate our future relationships. We have the power to rewrite the stories we tell ourselves about love.
