It’s Not Personal. It’s Business.
Why the phrase "it's not personal, it's business" ignores the neuroscience of human connection and what brave leadership looks like instead.
It’s Not Personal. It’s Business.
Who Does That Actually Apply To?
That phrase has been used to justify layoffs, restructures, broken promises, diluted equity, and leadership pivots that leave people reorganizing their entire lives.
It sounds mature. Strategic. Detached.
But biologically? Psychologically?
It’s fiction.
The human brain was not designed to separate business from personal.
And I know this not just intellectually—but personally.
When It Happened to Me
I relocated for a job.
I moved my life. I believed in the vision.
From a purely business standpoint, the company’s decision to eliminate my role made sense. It wasn’t the right place for me. The writing was on the wall.
But how it was done? That’s where it broke.
The phrase was said to me:
“It’s not personal. It’s business.”
And I remember thinking: It may not be personal to you.
But it is profoundly personal to me.
Because I had attached meaning.
I had attached commitment.
I had attached identity.
The nervous system does not differentiate between “strategic restructuring” and “social rejection.” It simply registers loss.
And loss is personal.
Brain Coding — Why This Matters
Neuroscience shows that social pain activates the same neural pathways as physical pain. Research from UCLA (Naomi Eisenberger and Matthew Lieberman) demonstrated that rejection activates the anterior cingulate cortex—the same region involved when you experience physical injury.
When we say, “It’s not personal,” we create a disconnect from the biological reality of the person on the receiving end.
We are essentially saying:
“Your nervous system’s response is irrelevant.”
We can do better.
That’s not professionalism.
That’s avoidance.
The Attorney Advice — The Narrative Shift
After the layoff, a trusted advisor gave me advice that changed everything:
“Hire an attorney to finalize the paperwork. It will help you shift this from emotional to transactional.”
It was wise counsel.
If they wanted it to be business, then let’s make it business.
And here’s what was fascinating: when I shifted the narrative—when I approached it as a formal transaction instead of an emotional separation—it was not received well.
The discomfort shifted.
Because the phrase “it’s just business” often works best when only one side uses it.
During this process, I was accused of harassing employees still at the company—a claim that was not true. To protect myself legally, I had to disengage entirely.
That included letting go of a dear friendship.
That part was not business.
That part was deeply human.
And deeply painful.
Some Roles Are Identity-Level Commitments
Organizational psychologists describe something called identity fusion—when individuals merge part of their identity with a group or organization.
Founding members don’t just work at a company.
They build the culture.
They carry it in their introductions.
In their reputation.
In their risk tolerance.
When someone relocates for a role, uproots their family, or changes schools for their children—is that just business?
Or is that identity-level commitment?
We can call it transactional.
But neurologically and psychologically, it is attachment.
And attachment makes it personal.
The Leadership Myth of Emotional Detachment
Traditional corporate culture rewarded stoicism.
Feel less. Show less. Separate cleanly.
But modern leadership science tells a different story.
Research from:
- Brené Brown (vulnerability and trust)
- Amy Edmondson (psychological safety)
- Daniel Goleman (emotional intelligence)
- Google’s Project Aristotle (team effectiveness)
consistently shows that high-performing teams are built on trust, safety, and attunement—not detachment.
Psychological safety—the belief that you won’t be punished or humiliated for speaking up—is one of the strongest predictors of team performance.
And psychological safety collapses when leaders dismiss emotional impact.
How something is done matters.
The Leaders Who Understand Both Realities
The most impressive leaders I’ve encountered aren’t the coldest.
They are the most adaptive.
They code-switch.
They understand:
When to speak in metrics.
When to speak in meaning.
When to prioritize margins.
When to acknowledge grief.
They can sit in a boardroom discussing EBITDA and, an hour later, sit with an employee navigating fear.
That’s not weakness.
That’s nervous system intelligence.
That’s emotional range.
That’s power.
Hard Conversations Can Be Done Differently
Businesses must make difficult decisions.
Markets shift.
Funding dries up.
Strategies evolve.
Teams change.
But here’s the difference:
You can say,
“This is not personal.”
Or you can say,
“This is a business decision, and I recognize it affects you personally.”
The second statement holds complexity.
It respects both realities:
- Organizational survival
- Human impact
Great leadership lives in that tension.
Can We Do Better as a Culture?
I share this story not to villainize a company.
From a spreadsheet standpoint, the decision was defensible.
But culture is not built on spreadsheets alone.
It’s built on how we handle endings.
How we hold dignity.
How we acknowledge attachment.
How we respect nervous systems in transition.
In a world of business, what if we did better?
What if “it’s business” wasn’t used as a shield against empathy?
Because businesses don’t run on strategy decks alone.
They run on:
Trust
Psychological safety
Loyalty
Meaning
Identity
And those are profoundly human constructs.
So the next time someone says,
“It’s not personal. It’s business.”
Maybe the braver response is:
Business is built on people.
And people are always personal.
