Not Now Isn't Never
How patience became my greatest superpower in discovering purpose beyond rejection.
I've been thinking a lot about time—how it bends, stretches, contradicts itself, and whether time and purpose can coexist in a way that doesn't completely destroy our happiness. What is time, really, with its shifting definitions? There’s the time we’ve “lost,” the time we’re “in,” and the time we’re desperately trying to “make.” How can one feel the burden of lapsed time while simultaneously trying to survive the weight of what is? It's a complex theory to sit with. And yet, here we are, trying to fit this slippery thing called time into this equally slippery thing called purpose.
This is the story of a woman who stopped the clock of her own anxiety and surrendered to the fate of improbability—to the truth that control is a beautifully crafted illusion designed to distract you from a force much more powerful. That force is patience.
The Geometry of Rejection
If I had a nickel for every "not right now" I've received from employers, supervisors, friends, and lovers alike, I'd buy the family compound I've dreamt of owning since I first learned the magic of communal living. There's an old adage I once heard from a seasoned Baptist preacher: "Your rejection is God's protection."
I'll be honest—when you're in the thick of that rejection, it feels less like protection and more like a punch. In fact, it feels deeply personal—like a blatant disregard for the blood, sweat, time, and effort you've poured into building a skill set for the very job you dared to apply for—knowing you were likely overqualified, yet still willing to shrink yourself into a digestible version that fits their "now."
The generous thing about rejection, though, is that it forces you to be still—if you're brave enough to swallow the hurt, digest it, and let it pass. What I once interpreted as "not ever" morphed into a decades-long dream that led me to the work that hugs my soul—my purpose.
What the Wait Was Building
That dream is now the L.O.V.E. Academy, a youth-focused organization I co-founded with my sister to help young people understand that "not now" isn't "never." And right now, the best thing you can do for yourself is learn life skills and how to cope with the disappointments that life inevitably brings without letting them derail your future.
So, how does patience fit into the life cycle of a fulfilled purpose? Patience is a superpower not often discussed. It’s neither passive nor synonymous with giving up. It means conceding to time itself while continuing to do the work that leads you back to your heart.
Probably one of the scariest prayers I ever made was when I quietly whispered these words: "I will wait on you."
For someone with a Type A personality, waiting feels like a game for the weak, and I was anything but weak. Maturity is realizing that waiting isn't weakness—it's discipline.
Purpose Has No Rulebook
Purpose doesn't come with an instruction manual, a timeline, or checkpoints. It requires one thing—stamina—the stamina to keep going when everything else falls apart. It's knowing that your purpose is bigger than you, and because it's bigger than you, it demands that you see it through.
The next time someone tells you "not now," remember: it doesn't mean never. It's a gift of time returned to the internal clock tracking your wins and losses, highs and lows. That redirection isn't a closed door; it's the universe buying you more runway.
I know that's a wild proposition. But it calls for a flexible perspective—and the grace we often deprive ourselves of when we don't hit certain milestones at the exact markers we designated. Control is the façade. Patience is the power.
Surrender to it.
