People Need to Know They Matter: What 38 Years in HR Taught Me About Human Connection
How a Career in Human Resources and a Journey Through Hospice Taught Me That Genuine Connection Matters More Than Any Title.
People Need to Know They Matter: What 38 Years in HR Taught Me About Human Connection
For 38 years, I worked in federal service, primarily in Human Resources. I spent much of my career thinking about people—how they work, what motivates them, what makes them stay, what causes them to disengage, and what good leadership really looks like.
I eventually worked my way to just one grade below the highest level of the federal General Schedule, with a high school diploma. I am enormously proud of that accomplishment, but when I look back today, the promotions and titles aren't the lessons that stayed with me most. The people are. After nearly four decades in HR, I came to believe something remarkably simple: People don't need to be managed nearly as much as they need to know they matter.
That lesson followed me into retirement, into my work as a hospice volunteer, and eventually into an entirely unexpected second act as an entrepreneur.
What People Remember
We spend an enormous amount of our lives working toward something. The promotion. The degree. The title. The house. The next accomplishment. Those things can be important. I certainly worked hard for my own professional accomplishments.
But my experience as a hospice volunteer gave me a very different perspective.
When you are invited into someone's life near the end of it, conversations change. The things that once seemed urgent often become less important. People talk about family. They talk about love. They remember relationships, moments, regrets, laughter, and the people who made a difference. They remember how people made them feel.
My first hospice patient was a beautiful, spirited, middle-aged woman fighting for her life. Getting to know her and her family changed something in me. I began thinking about what happens after someone dies, when the flowers stop arriving, the casseroles disappear, people return to their routines, and those left behind are still grieving.
I wanted her daughters to continue receiving reminders of love and encouragement long after everyone else had gone home. So I wrote them messages. One message became another, and eventually I wrote 365 individual messages for each daughter, something they could read every day for an entire year.
I didn't know it then, but that experience planted the seed for what would eventually become Dezire to Inspire.
We Have Never Been More Connected—or More Disconnected
Today, we can reach almost anyone, anywhere, instantly. We text. We email. We post. We comment. We react with emojis. We hold meetings with people thousands of miles away without leaving our desks.
And yet, for all this communication, I believe many people are starving for genuine human connection.
There is an important difference between communicating with someone and making someone feel seen.
People still struggle to say:
I'm proud of you.
I believe in you.
I'm thinking about you.
You made a difference in my life.
I know you're struggling, and I'm here.
Thank you.
I love you.
You matter.
Sometimes we assume people already know these things. But what if they don't? One of the greatest lessons of my life has been this: Don't wait to say what matters.
Starting Over in My 60s
I never expected to become an entrepreneur. After 38 years in federal service, I knew Human Resources. I knew leadership. I knew people. I understood policies, organizations, challenges, and difficult conversations.
Entrepreneurship? I knew almost nothing.
But I knew why I wanted to do it. I believed there was a need for a different way to help people express what they sometimes struggle to put into words. So, in my 60s, I started over. There have been days when I have wondered what on earth I got myself into. I have had to learn product development, branding, marketing, sales, technology, partnerships, social media, and countless other things I never imagined would become part of my vocabulary.
I have made mistakes.
I have trusted people I shouldn't have.
I have experienced disappointments and heard "no" more times than I care to count.
Yet, I am still here.
My business partner, Carl Merrell, routinely reminds me that entrepreneurship is a marathon, not a sprint. For someone like me, who tends to want everything accomplished yesterday, that has been an important lesson.
Perseverance doesn't always look dramatic. Sometimes perseverance is simply waking up the next morning and deciding to try again.
A Message to Women Who Think It's Too Late
One of the things I hope my story demonstrates, particularly to other women, is that there is no expiration date on purpose. You do not have to have your entire life figured out at 25. Or 35. Or 45. Or 65.
You are allowed to reinvent yourself. You are allowed to walk into a room where everyone seems more qualified than you and take your seat anyway. You are allowed to ask questions. You are allowed to say, "I don't know, but I'll learn."
You are allowed to fail at something without deciding that you are a failure.
And you are allowed to be ambitious.
I spent much of my professional life without the educational credentials many people would assume were necessary to reach the level I reached. I learned through experience, hard work, curiosity, determination, and an unwillingness to allow someone else's expectations to define my possibilities. That lesson became even more important when I entered entrepreneurship.
Don't wait until you feel completely ready. You probably never will. START ANYWAY!
Kindness Is Not Weakness
I also want women to understand that empathy and kindness are strengths. For too long, we have sometimes treated qualities like compassion as though they belong outside the serious world of leadership and business.
I disagree.
You can be kind and decisive. You can be empathetic and hold people accountable. You can listen and still lead. You can care deeply about people and build a successful organization.
In fact, I believe our increasingly automated and technology-driven world is going to make those distinctly human qualities even more valuable. Technology can help us communicate. Artificial intelligence can help us find words.
But human beings still have to decide to care. We still have to notice one another. We still have to show up.
What If It Really Is That Simple?
Dezire to Inspire grew from the belief that people care deeply but don't always know what to say. Instead of giving someone encouragement once, what if we encouraged them tomorrow, too? And the next day?
What if a grieving person continued receiving support after everyone else returned to their lives? What if an employee didn't have to wait for an annual recognition ceremony to hear that their contribution mattered?
What if our children regularly heard that we believed in them? What if our parents heard how much we appreciated them while they were still here to hear it? What if we stopped assuming people knew how we felt?
Traditional greeting cards beautifully acknowledge a moment. I began wondering what could happen if meaningful words became a practice instead of an occasion. That is why our philosophy at Dezire to Inspire is Say It Every Day.
But the idea is much bigger than a product or a company. It is a challenge. Notice people. Encourage them. Thank them. Tell them you're proud of them. Tell them what they have meant to your life.
And please don't save the most important words for a eulogy, when the person you love can no longer hear them.
My career taught me about people. Hospice taught me about time. Entrepreneurship taught me about courage. Life has taught me that none of us knows how much time we have to say the things that matter.
So say them. Say them while you can. And whenever possible, Say It Every Day.
