Should I Get a Restraining Order? Understanding Your Options and the Process
Navigating Restraining Orders During Divorce: A Comprehensive Guide to Protecting Yourself and Your Children
Divorce is in full swing—or maybe it’s finally over—and suddenly you find yourself staring down a difficult question: do you need a restraining order to protect yourself or your children from your ex-spouse?
What do you do?
You know this decision is an investment, not just financially but emotionally. It will cost time, energy, and courage. You worry about how your ex might react. Will it make things worse? Will it calm things down? Will life become more complicated? Will your kids resent you for it?
And then there’s the question of proof. Do you have enough evidence to show that your former spouse is a threat? Maybe there are no bruises—but the fear is real. The tension, the unease, the constant sense of danger. You don’t feel safe, and you find yourself constantly looking over your shoulder.
Take a deep breath. Let’s walk through this together.
Start by Acknowledging What’s Changed
The most important thing to remember is this: you cannot control how the other person will respond. If the relationship had remained civil and respectful, you wouldn’t be asking this question. The very fact that you’re considering a restraining order means something fundamental has changed—and that’s okay to acknowledge.
If you no longer feel safe, that alone is reason enough to start exploring your options.
Step 1: Understand What Constitutes Domestic Violence
Begin by educating yourself on how your state defines domestic violence under the Family Law Code. It includes more than physical harm—it can also cover harassment, stalking, threats, intimidation, financial control, and emotional abuse. Understanding these definitions helps you recognize whether your experience qualifies for legal protection.
Step 2: Document Everything
Write down everything—dates, times, text messages, emails, phone calls, and any incident that made you feel threatened or unsafe. Even small moments that seem “minor” on their own can reveal a serious pattern of behavior over time.
If you ever feel unsafe—if your ex follows you, threatens you, or refuses to leave when asked—call the police immediately. Even if all they can do is separate you in the moment, that official report becomes valuable documentation later.
Step 3: Identify Witnesses
Were your children present during an incident? Did a neighbor or friend see or hear anything? Keep a list of anyone who may be able to provide a statement describing what they witnessed. Their accounts can help strengthen your case.
Step 4: Talk to Your Attorney
When you’re ready, reach out to your attorney and share your documentation. If this is happening during your divorce, your lawyer may already be aware of these issues—but it’s always best to update them as incidents occur.
Your attorney will likely ask for a detailed timeline, including dates, communications, witnesses, and any police involvement. By organizing this information ahead of time, you’ll be prepared to move quickly if needed.
Depending on the urgency, your lawyer may request an emergency (ex-parte) order, which can grant temporary protection right away. A hearing will then be scheduled to determine whether a permanent restraining order should be issued.
If there’s no immediate danger, your attorney may file a standard motion instead, setting a court date for both parties to present evidence and testimony.
Step 5: Prepare for the Process
Yes, this process can feel intimidating. But remember—you’re not alone, and help is available. A divorce advisor or attorney experienced in domestic violence cases can prepare you both strategically and emotionally.
Also know that the legal system is evolving. Courts increasingly recognize that abuse isn’t always visible. Emotional, psychological, and financial abuse are now understood as real and damaging forms of harm—and judges take them seriously.
Final Thoughts
If this is the mountain you must climb, know this: you are stronger than you think. The path may be steep, but each step you take—to learn, document, and seek help—is a step toward reclaiming your safety and peace of mind.
You cannot control how your ex will react. But you can control how you protect yourself and your children. You can choose to stand up, to act, and to seek the safety you deserve.
You’ve got this.
You’re not alone—and your safety is worth fighting for.
